Need some help + support
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Hi Skizzer,
I'm late to this thread-just wanted to say hang in there.I really understand the feelings of sadness and shame-but I also believe you can get through them and come out the other side too.Keep posting-we're all here for you,
Rose xox
I'm late to this thread-just wanted to say hang in there.I really understand the feelings of sadness and shame-but I also believe you can get through them and come out the other side too.Keep posting-we're all here for you,
Rose xox
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 294
Hi, Skizzer.
I was away from SR for a while. So, I'm late in responding. I jut wanted to let you know that you are not alone. You sound motivated to me. You clearly are pretty down on yourself right now. You know what? I think most of were when we first got to AA. It's OK if this isn't your first time in recovery, what matters is that this time it works. Have you ever heard of "the gift of desperation?" I believe in it because it got me sober. Hope you keep coming to SR and going to meetings. Best of luck to you.
I was away from SR for a while. So, I'm late in responding. I jut wanted to let you know that you are not alone. You sound motivated to me. You clearly are pretty down on yourself right now. You know what? I think most of were when we first got to AA. It's OK if this isn't your first time in recovery, what matters is that this time it works. Have you ever heard of "the gift of desperation?" I believe in it because it got me sober. Hope you keep coming to SR and going to meetings. Best of luck to you.
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
hey, i'm going to an as bill sees it study tonight! i'll be thinking of you, hanging in there... be good to yourself.
the promises : "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."
b.b. pg. 83-84
the promises : "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."
b.b. pg. 83-84
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Montreal
Posts: 142
ANother day beginning. Still working at it. Not feeling so hot but am trying....
Going to anothe rmeeting tonight. Just gotta get through the day.
I have a constant reminder of my mistakes... not being able to see.
It is really hard to function at work without my glasses. But I am getting through it.
I gotta stick to it. Trying real hard to keep in touch with people in recovery and constantly remind myself that it will get better. I know it will.... it's just so painful while you're in it.
Hopefully today will bring some new gifts and opportunities for me. I need a little good to come my way.
Going to anothe rmeeting tonight. Just gotta get through the day.
I have a constant reminder of my mistakes... not being able to see.
It is really hard to function at work without my glasses. But I am getting through it.
I gotta stick to it. Trying real hard to keep in touch with people in recovery and constantly remind myself that it will get better. I know it will.... it's just so painful while you're in it.
Hopefully today will bring some new gifts and opportunities for me. I need a little good to come my way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Montreal
Posts: 142
Hello all,
The meeting was ok. Alot of people in the same boat as me. I just iwsh there would have been some more people I could look up to. It was a small meeting with a lot of people that had recently slipped. I am glad I got out though.
I feel still very sad today.
The meeting was ok. Alot of people in the same boat as me. I just iwsh there would have been some more people I could look up to. It was a small meeting with a lot of people that had recently slipped. I am glad I got out though.
I feel still very sad today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Montreal
Posts: 142
Hello all,
Went to meeting on the weekend. Still holding on. Seems like it's been a month... but really it's only been a week that I am sober. I am Doing my best to keep my head above water. Having a few cravings... it always happens this way.. start to feel a bit better and then I destroy it all.. but I am determeind not to let that happen. It's a struggle.
My daughter has basically decided she wants nothing to do with me... she lives with her Mom and does not want to come over anymore. I feel deepley ashamed. But I hope with time that as I get better she changes her mind.
Other than that, new work week beginning... meeting tonight. Nothing much else.
Still can't see... maybe I'll be able to get some glasses next weekend when I get paid.
Went to meeting on the weekend. Still holding on. Seems like it's been a month... but really it's only been a week that I am sober. I am Doing my best to keep my head above water. Having a few cravings... it always happens this way.. start to feel a bit better and then I destroy it all.. but I am determeind not to let that happen. It's a struggle.
My daughter has basically decided she wants nothing to do with me... she lives with her Mom and does not want to come over anymore. I feel deepley ashamed. But I hope with time that as I get better she changes her mind.
Other than that, new work week beginning... meeting tonight. Nothing much else.
Still can't see... maybe I'll be able to get some glasses next weekend when I get paid.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 294
Hi, Skizzer.
You are doing a GREAT JOB! Keep it up. I know you're feeling down, but it will get better. It's so hard to face the ones you love when you get sober. I know I used to just numb my shame with alcohol. So, when I got sober, it was really hard to deal with those feelings that had been building up for so long. It can seem really overwhelming. Just keep doing what you're doing. Prayers for you.
You are doing a GREAT JOB! Keep it up. I know you're feeling down, but it will get better. It's so hard to face the ones you love when you get sober. I know I used to just numb my shame with alcohol. So, when I got sober, it was really hard to deal with those feelings that had been building up for so long. It can seem really overwhelming. Just keep doing what you're doing. Prayers for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Marc,
I wasn't around this weekend but thought of you often, and hoped and prayed that you were still holding on. I'm so glad that you are.
BTW my eldest daughter lives with her Dad and I haven't seen her in nearly 2 years. I still gotta stay sober, though. Drinking surely won't bring her back.
Keep posting and Don't Quit today.
Rowan
I wasn't around this weekend but thought of you often, and hoped and prayed that you were still holding on. I'm so glad that you are.
BTW my eldest daughter lives with her Dad and I haven't seen her in nearly 2 years. I still gotta stay sober, though. Drinking surely won't bring her back.
Keep posting and Don't Quit today.
Rowan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Montreal
Posts: 142
Another day! Feeling a bit better. Just fearful... when I feel better I get cravings.. so it's challenging. Been doing meetings everyday still. I am really looking forward to feeling better...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
For one, I'm GLAD you're not feeling 100% yet, because it's keeping you with us. You said it yourself, when you feel better you get cravings. That's your disease telling you that it wasn't so bad when you were out there. I suggest you have a plan in place - recognize your triggers - share them at meetings, and remain vigilant. You were a mess when you started this thread, Marc, don't tell yourself different. Don't quit today!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Montreal
Posts: 142
This thread is a great reminder actually... you are right.. I was a huge mess. At least now I am more functional.. and perhaps even somewhat grateful that I am doing ok today. Despite the problems with my daughter, things are slowly getting better.
My triggers are real bad. I am pretty nervous about them. My plan for now is really just doing meetings everyday and calling program people and posting here.
The real test is yet yo come.... my biggest triggers are payday and Saturday during the day. Just talking it about it right now is making me crave. That weird anxious feeling about using... you know, in the pit of your stomach... and the nervousness..
I will not use today. That's for sure... but I hate this feeling. It's the one I recognize that grows into a relapse.
Wow... as I tyuped this I fell in to that disgusting feeling that tells me it's ok to just have a few.. denial is awful. I know better logically.. it's my emotions and impulsivity that get get. Guess all I can do right now is breathe... and post here.
My triggers are real bad. I am pretty nervous about them. My plan for now is really just doing meetings everyday and calling program people and posting here.
The real test is yet yo come.... my biggest triggers are payday and Saturday during the day. Just talking it about it right now is making me crave. That weird anxious feeling about using... you know, in the pit of your stomach... and the nervousness..
I will not use today. That's for sure... but I hate this feeling. It's the one I recognize that grows into a relapse.
Wow... as I tyuped this I fell in to that disgusting feeling that tells me it's ok to just have a few.. denial is awful. I know better logically.. it's my emotions and impulsivity that get get. Guess all I can do right now is breathe... and post here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
You're exactly where you are supposed to be, Marc. Don't label yourself a chronic relapser because that's all you've experienced up to today. You're doing important work by recognizing triggers like Saturday and paydays. Can you give your money to someone so that you don't have it burning a hole in your pocket? And yes, get to a meeting every day - two on Saturday.
Remember that 'disgusting feeling' that tells you it's okay to have a few. Yes, use this thread, look back at how you were in the beginning, and see how you are changing.
I understand completely what it's like to get some sober or clean time and tell yourself that a 'few' are justified, somehow. Or f*** it, that whole attitude. We aren't so different.
Meetings, every day. Don't sit in 'denial aisle' and 'pass' - share that you're fighting the urge to use, and that you're struggling. At least give others the opportunity to help. Keep posting here. And yes, use those phone numbers (BEFORE you pick up).
I'm really proud of you - you're working a solid program and putting together a day at a time, just like the rest of us.
Rowan
Remember that 'disgusting feeling' that tells you it's okay to have a few. Yes, use this thread, look back at how you were in the beginning, and see how you are changing.
I understand completely what it's like to get some sober or clean time and tell yourself that a 'few' are justified, somehow. Or f*** it, that whole attitude. We aren't so different.
Meetings, every day. Don't sit in 'denial aisle' and 'pass' - share that you're fighting the urge to use, and that you're struggling. At least give others the opportunity to help. Keep posting here. And yes, use those phone numbers (BEFORE you pick up).
I'm really proud of you - you're working a solid program and putting together a day at a time, just like the rest of us.
Rowan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Montreal
Posts: 142
Hello all!
Sorry I did not check yesterday. I had a very busy day... though I was not working. lots of chores and such to do. I went to a meeting in the afternoon.
THough yesterday I was feeling really angry and resentful toward the program. Still struggling I guess. Been having tons of cravings. Tried to talk about it but it does not seem to help. Feels more like I am bitching rather than anything else.
Going to another meeting tonight and continuing my efforts.
Tomorrow being payday, it will be a challenge. I will most likely give my money to my girlfriend for safe keeping.
It's weird how I keep getting such intense cravings to use... I guess it's all that anxiety.... and no way to releive it. That's a big one for me.... when I continuously feel anxious and can't get rid of the feeling...
I have been praying, doing meetings and calling people... though I am seem to be getting more and more frustrated. It's a hard road to be on... very bumpy.
Sorry I did not check yesterday. I had a very busy day... though I was not working. lots of chores and such to do. I went to a meeting in the afternoon.
THough yesterday I was feeling really angry and resentful toward the program. Still struggling I guess. Been having tons of cravings. Tried to talk about it but it does not seem to help. Feels more like I am bitching rather than anything else.
Going to another meeting tonight and continuing my efforts.
Tomorrow being payday, it will be a challenge. I will most likely give my money to my girlfriend for safe keeping.
It's weird how I keep getting such intense cravings to use... I guess it's all that anxiety.... and no way to releive it. That's a big one for me.... when I continuously feel anxious and can't get rid of the feeling...
I have been praying, doing meetings and calling people... though I am seem to be getting more and more frustrated. It's a hard road to be on... very bumpy.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hiya Marc,
Glad you checked in. Yes, give your $$ to your girlfriend - just do it. You're having a lot of feelings right now, and all of them are normal.
Reread this thread if you need to remind yourself where you were at when it started. It's a hard and bumpy road alright, but it'll get worse if you use - I promise.
You're making commitments and keeping them today - I'm really proud of you.
It's not weird that you're having such intense cravings - as addicts - we feel - and we respond by numbing them. It can take a while for these to ease off. But they DO. I wouldn't be telling you otherwise if I hadn't experienced the same myself.
I was a freaking mess, Marc.
Stay with us and don't quit today.
Rowan
Glad you checked in. Yes, give your $$ to your girlfriend - just do it. You're having a lot of feelings right now, and all of them are normal.
Reread this thread if you need to remind yourself where you were at when it started. It's a hard and bumpy road alright, but it'll get worse if you use - I promise.
You're making commitments and keeping them today - I'm really proud of you.
It's not weird that you're having such intense cravings - as addicts - we feel - and we respond by numbing them. It can take a while for these to ease off. But they DO. I wouldn't be telling you otherwise if I hadn't experienced the same myself.
I was a freaking mess, Marc.
Stay with us and don't quit today.
Rowan
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