Need some help + support
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
There is another way to live your life. You have admitted you want that way. Dig deep and get the support, get out to mtgs. or go to rehab. getting sober can't be passive. Work at it like your life depends on it. Then be proud of ea. new day in the right direction. Get a plan of action to follow. Don't procrastinate. Read the posts of those who have done it and you'll see no regrets for leaving it behind
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Southwest PA USA
Posts: 339
Originally Posted by ImSkiZZeR 
I have a hard time with AA meetings... I always feel isolated and have a hard time asking for help. Also I am not new to recovery.... though I can`t say I have ever done very well...
Sounds very much like me. It's hard to ask for help, at least face-to-face. I can read and understand the Big Book and 12&12 all right. It seems to me that some people at the meetings (the ones I go to at least... can't speak for all of them) start to look down on me after going in and out so often. Not all people, mind you. I think I'm going to hit one or two this week. Keep trying. You're worth it. I'm worth it. I just can't always convince myself of that.
Wishing you well.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,930
Welcome to SR Marc and NO you are not a bad man, you are addicted, that's different. When addiction has us in it's hold we all do things we may later regret and feel guilt and shame over it, that's the drink/drugs favourite hobby. I hope you keep posting and find all the help you need in whatever path you decide to take and please remember we are open 24/7 here.
indigo
indigo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Montreal
Posts: 142
Thank you everyone for your support. I went to a meeting last night. Ran in to an old friend and ask him to be my sponsor for the time being. Jus to be accountable...going to another meeting tonight. Even took up a job at the business meeint g last night to be on setup for the next month. I feel it is imperative for me to put my all in to this. I don`t want to stumble anymore.
I am pretty anxious today. And worried... it`s a crappy place to be.
I am pretty anxious today. And worried... it`s a crappy place to be.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Montreal
Posts: 142
Having a really anxious day. I could jump out of my own skin right now.
Just trying to plow my way through the day...
It is torturous. I am terrified.
There is nothing worse than this feeling i have right now. I am not craving at all. It`s more of a deep sense of shame and hopelessness.
I wish I had someone to talk to throughout the day. Being on break at work, I just roam around feeling like a fool and worrying. I don`t wish this feeling on anyone.
It`s just aweful...
Just trying to plow my way through the day...
It is torturous. I am terrified.
There is nothing worse than this feeling i have right now. I am not craving at all. It`s more of a deep sense of shame and hopelessness.
I wish I had someone to talk to throughout the day. Being on break at work, I just roam around feeling like a fool and worrying. I don`t wish this feeling on anyone.
It`s just aweful...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
The guy who you asked to sponsor you, can you not telephone him? I understand the feelings of hopelessness and isolation. Breathe.
I have been where you are at, and not that long ago - it WILL pass. Breathe.
I would call this guy and share how you are feeling. Or, call AA main office and see if someone is available to talk to you.
I have been where you are at, and not that long ago - it WILL pass. Breathe.
I would call this guy and share how you are feeling. Or, call AA main office and see if someone is available to talk to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Montreal
Posts: 142
Yeah the guy who is sponsoring me is working till 3:30... another 2 hours.
It`s hard to call Aa main office from work. I am in an office with a lot of people around. And it`s a new job... so I have to be discreet... I am between a rock and a hard place....
I am sure I will survive.
It`s hard to call Aa main office from work. I am in an office with a lot of people around. And it`s a new job... so I have to be discreet... I am between a rock and a hard place....
I am sure I will survive.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
You dont have to keep suffering. i relate to you so much when you talk about the good and bad marc. I go through the same thing everyday.
Two voices in my head always arguing about using or not. It is quite annoying and frustrating.
I also relate to your feelings about meetings. I too am very much of an isolator, but I think by being thay way makes it harder for us to heal because we dont ask for help when we really need it.
Try to check out a few different meetings. some you might not like, but i am sure if you keep checking them out you will eventually find some that you like with people that you can relate to. It is very hard to do it alone. iI tried for years and hasd dno success.
This time last year i did lose everything. EVERYTHING! Car, job, apartment, failed relationship with lover friends and family. my self respect. I sold almost everything. I was a mess.
Quite frankly Im still a friggin mess, but it is different.
I keep falling I had 104 days clean and then i started drinking again and now i feel like my life is getting real close to becoming unmanageable again.
The truth is the problems never go away. Life is full of problems that is just an unavoidable truth, but the problems are easier to deal with if you have a clear head.
I know how bad it hurts when relationships end, but it doesnt mean it is permanent.
Work on yourself first and you will see that things slowly start coming together again.
You need to be patient , but dont give up.
Honestly today I feel like giving up on everything. i am having a slight breakdown.
I hope some of what I said to you helps, cause I know by trying to help you reminded me to not give up, I know what I have to do and there are gonna be bad days some worse than others, but you just have to focus on what is important and that is staying sober.
My heart goes out to you, and I wish you all the best.
Two voices in my head always arguing about using or not. It is quite annoying and frustrating.
I also relate to your feelings about meetings. I too am very much of an isolator, but I think by being thay way makes it harder for us to heal because we dont ask for help when we really need it.
Try to check out a few different meetings. some you might not like, but i am sure if you keep checking them out you will eventually find some that you like with people that you can relate to. It is very hard to do it alone. iI tried for years and hasd dno success.
This time last year i did lose everything. EVERYTHING! Car, job, apartment, failed relationship with lover friends and family. my self respect. I sold almost everything. I was a mess.
Quite frankly Im still a friggin mess, but it is different.
I keep falling I had 104 days clean and then i started drinking again and now i feel like my life is getting real close to becoming unmanageable again.
The truth is the problems never go away. Life is full of problems that is just an unavoidable truth, but the problems are easier to deal with if you have a clear head.
I know how bad it hurts when relationships end, but it doesnt mean it is permanent.
Work on yourself first and you will see that things slowly start coming together again.
You need to be patient , but dont give up.
Honestly today I feel like giving up on everything. i am having a slight breakdown.
I hope some of what I said to you helps, cause I know by trying to help you reminded me to not give up, I know what I have to do and there are gonna be bad days some worse than others, but you just have to focus on what is important and that is staying sober.
My heart goes out to you, and I wish you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
Marc one other thing about feeling like a bad man. that simply isnt true. You are a person with a disease and it doesnt make you a bad man. If God forbid you had cancer or diabetes would you feel like a bad man? You have a disease and it is not your fault.
Feelings of guilt and shame. Let them go. I used to feel the same way. So many people around me and people in the neighborhood use to give me looks all the time. There goes the town drunk and druggie, and I felt uncomfortable and ashamed.
You know what I finally said to myself screw them. Lets see where they would have ended up if they had to walk in my shoes.
Now I walk with my head high and proud. If you feel it in yourself others will see it also.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
Feelings of guilt and shame. Let them go. I used to feel the same way. So many people around me and people in the neighborhood use to give me looks all the time. There goes the town drunk and druggie, and I felt uncomfortable and ashamed.
You know what I finally said to myself screw them. Lets see where they would have ended up if they had to walk in my shoes.
Now I walk with my head high and proud. If you feel it in yourself others will see it also.
Stop being so hard on yourself.
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Hi Marc, I had that anxiety, guilt and comming out of my skin feeling
as well. It's different for all, but one thing is for sure, if it is from withdrawing from
the alcohol, it will lessen, keep that thought...and look in to help for the PTSD...
We are here for you...good job Marc, and hang in there..
hope3
as well. It's different for all, but one thing is for sure, if it is from withdrawing from
the alcohol, it will lessen, keep that thought...and look in to help for the PTSD...
We are here for you...good job Marc, and hang in there..
hope3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Montreal
Posts: 142
Well I went to a meeting last night. Heard a good speaker on prayer and meditation. It was on Step 11... a little ways ahead for me but still a valuable share none the less...
I am still pretty anxious but am pushing through it. My mind is still playing tricks on me. Like at lunch today... I looked at the beer at the restaurant and though how it would be nice to have one. I immediately changed my train of thought... my point being though that it`s so natural to want to jump back in to denial. Quite scary actually...
I am still pretty anxious but am pushing through it. My mind is still playing tricks on me. Like at lunch today... I looked at the beer at the restaurant and though how it would be nice to have one. I immediately changed my train of thought... my point being though that it`s so natural to want to jump back in to denial. Quite scary actually...
Alcoholic
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Boca *****, Florida
Posts: 17
Marc,
I don't know if you're still accessible, but I was just reading your post and all that followed from the 28th. If you don't mind, could you let me know what PTSD is? I'm not familiar with that abbrev. I hope you're less anxious today. I'm moreso today, but it helps me to be on this site. Such helpful people who have all been there and everywhere. Everyone is individual, and you have to do it yourself, but a lot of people want to help if they can. The guilt, though, will eat you alive. It IS about the most useless emotion, though-- you can't change what you have done or who you've been, you can only move forward. I alienated everyone. You have to stand up and be who you are going to be now and be respected now. It starts with you. The other people have to live with themselves. It really is that black and white. The rest is just dressing. A couple people said that they are praying for me. I finally heard something from way out there-- I'm 20 days sober now. I can't believe it. I could barely get by 2 hours without a drink 20 days ago. Jail really changed that. In there, I started to hear some true stories and those were some real lives, but a lot of them were not changing. By Day 2 inside, I knew that I was. I don't want to be back there. Let anyone who can, help you. And be good to yourself-- K.
I don't know if you're still accessible, but I was just reading your post and all that followed from the 28th. If you don't mind, could you let me know what PTSD is? I'm not familiar with that abbrev. I hope you're less anxious today. I'm moreso today, but it helps me to be on this site. Such helpful people who have all been there and everywhere. Everyone is individual, and you have to do it yourself, but a lot of people want to help if they can. The guilt, though, will eat you alive. It IS about the most useless emotion, though-- you can't change what you have done or who you've been, you can only move forward. I alienated everyone. You have to stand up and be who you are going to be now and be respected now. It starts with you. The other people have to live with themselves. It really is that black and white. The rest is just dressing. A couple people said that they are praying for me. I finally heard something from way out there-- I'm 20 days sober now. I can't believe it. I could barely get by 2 hours without a drink 20 days ago. Jail really changed that. In there, I started to hear some true stories and those were some real lives, but a lot of them were not changing. By Day 2 inside, I knew that I was. I don't want to be back there. Let anyone who can, help you. And be good to yourself-- K.
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