Need4Change

So here I am yet again posting about how drunk I got last night and how horrible I feel right now. Major hangover. I'm so sick of this non-stop routine of sobering up and starting to feel good only to turn right around and drink again and end up back at square one.

My routine is always the same. I sober up over a period of days, start to feel pretty good, get a lot of work done and then tell myself "Hey, I'm feeling pretty good, I got a lot done, let's relax and celebrate with a nice cold case of beer!". Then I get drunk, end up with a HUGE hangover and it's this hangover that keeps me sober for another day or two or until I repeat the madness all over again. Uhhh!!!.

I could just scream right now. Maybe I WILL scream )-:

Sorry for the rant. Alcohol disrupts sleep and so after falling asleep for only a few hours, I guess I'm up for the rest of the night with my alcohol-induced insomnia. At about 6-7 AM I'll probably make coffee and feel like crap all day, cram a lot of healthy things in my pie-hole and try to sober up again. Aint it wonderful?.

Blah!!!.

Well, at least I didn't say or do anything stupid like put on a superman suit and try to fly off the roof or something.

Steve

GlassPrisoner

It gets worse.

You'll soon find a shot or two really helps in the morning. Then the fun really starts.

You don't have to go there, though.

Spiritual Seeker

Remember recovery works if you work it...just a thought
When I hate something I stop doing it

mimi54321

Steve

I'm exactly the same. And yes, it is BORING....it drives me mad. Like you, I start feeling better and get totally hyperactive about how good I'm feeling and then go bonkers.

M x

Dee74

You're not alone Steve...coulda been me...in fact it *was* although I moved on to GPs shot in the morning...which for me then pretty much lasted all day, then days, until I got sick, then I sobered up, thought 'this time I'll moderate...' or 'now I'm in control' or 'I feel stressed..one'll help' or whatever the lie d'jour was that day....

and so around again...

it's a total and utter BS way to live.
D

c'est la vie

At least you're learning something each time. Now you can recognize that when you start to feel good and get those thoughts of "I feel good so now it's time to drink" you can stop in your tracks and say "Haven't I heard those words before? Where will that take me?" Then DO something differently. Call someone, post here, write a letter to yourself describing your emotions and thoughts. Oh, and of course, DON'T DRINK. It's hard, but doable.

Need4Change

I'm starting to realize more and more that I'm not alone in the whole "drink, hangover, feel good, then the *I feel so good I'll drink again*" cycle. It's like the alcoholic mind is saying "I feel so good that I want to make myself feel bad again". It doesn't seem to make any sense but of course its an addiction with a whole lot more angles than just the cravings. Alcohol lies...it plays all kinds of tricks...makes excuses.

What really amazes me more than anything is the dramatically stark contrast between how a person feels while intoxicated (euphoric, invincible, free from pain and anxiety, etc) and the way they feel AFTERWARDS with the subsequent hangover (absolutely miserable, anxiety-ridden, dizzy, achy all over, etc). It's like the difference between night and day.

Well, I took a half of an Ativan for my anxiety, a half of an Atenolol for the heart palps/rapid beats and then made myself a pot of coffee so I feel about 10% better I guess. I still have a long way to go before that 10% grows to 100% but somehow I have a feeling that it won't last because I'll probably get drunk again because I'll start "feeling good" again but I will try to take it one day at a time and stay on these boards where maybe someone can talk me out of it.

Steve

Rusty Zipper

GP dang right.. the progression... it blew...

need4, do something about it now...

good wishes

xxoo, rz

NYCGirl

Good morning need,

I did that for so long and never even realized I did it till I quit for good (I hope) and came her and started checking out other post. to me I look back to that as being denial as long as I could stop for a few days it was okay and this time I would only have a few.... right. After a few years of that I got worse, next step was drinking at inappropriate times.... more blackouts and more guilt.

Have you looked into any help outside or SR. Maybe SMART, AA or a local counseling program....? also have you read the book Under the Influence?

TINLIZZY

Steve -

Sounds like you need to find another way to reward yourself!! Hang in there -

TinLizzy

Anna

Oh Steve, that way my cycle too. Whenever I'd stop drinking for a few days, I'd start to feel good and that made me anxious. I didn't know how to deal with feeling good and it scared me. Now, feeling bad, I had that down pat. I was used to that and could get by. Oh boy, I was glad to get off that merry-go-round. You can do this Steve!

Lollipop

(((((Steve))))))

Oh man are you sure you arent talking about me??? Cuz you just described me to a tee. I did exactly what your doing for so long that when I finally got and (so far so good) stayed sober, I had to relearn how to think and act. GP and RZ are SO right....soon that iced down case of beer wont be the right food to feed the addiction.... it will be a shot or worse in the morning....that evil voice will convince you that a shot or 2 in the mornin just to lick the hair of the dog is all you will need to get through and then you can do without for the rest of the day! At least for me it was like that.
Please dont let the addiction control you...control it instead. Meetings, books, SR, whatever it takes......keep posting and talking to us.......make lists, keep journals and reread everything you write......just please.....stay strong.....you CAN do this!!!!
~HUGS!~ Liss

CarolD

Hi Steve....

Here is info on why you are drinking
when you know it is harmful

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

It's from the book NYGirl mentioned
and it convinced me to quit.

You too can move forward into a healthier future!

xXBacktoBlackXx

Ay, I understand that cycle all too well. It's truly miserable. =/ And it's the worst when you tell yourself that the next time will be different and the next time you end up waking up feeling like complete crap. Especially if you wake up remembering how you had vomitted the previous night or maybe you wake up in your own vomit. Sick. I don't understand why anyone would want to glorify such a disgusting disease! I'm glad you're on these boards, Steve. Here's to breaking the cycle. =)

Renata

Hi - I'm new to this thread and as soon as I saw a post about being "so sick of this routine", I knew I found home!! I hear you Steve. I have done that so many times and that is exactly why I am here now.

hope3

Hi need4change, it is a viscious circle, thats for sure..

I am in your corner, and know that you can do it..

Are you reading up on alcoholism. Have you made lists of

why you want to quit, and keep them close to you..

so you have a plan of what you should do when you have cravings

Like call some one who supports you,,,get busy doing something productive..

It took allot of planning for me to follow through on saying sober, and I'm still a newbie at almost 6 months..

Good luck, hope and love...

Hope3

Need4Change

This is day 2# for me. Already the cravings are beginning to kick in. I almost feel like I need to have a cold case of beer in the fridge today "just in case" the cravings get much worse later on but with a case of beer in the fridge, the temptation will, of course, become even more overwhelming and so therein lies the conundrum I find myself in. In reality, the very thought of drinking and the subsequent hangover repulses me. It terrifies me.

I was remembering yesterday how just about 4 years ago, I drank heavily, chain-smoked, chewed tobacco and drank a gallon of milk each day because the chewing tobacco upset my stomach so badly. Then, one habit at a time, I quit every single one of them and did nothing but chew nicotine gum and drink coffee for well over a year. I felt really good and normal most of the time and yet here I was back to all of those same bad habits I had worked so hard and so long to quit. I thought about this yesterday and made a decision to stop chewing tobacco (which means I would no longer need the milk) and to stop smoking (no more sore lungs). A lot of cost saving there as well. Since yesterday, I have been chewing nicotine gum and that's it. I feel confident that I can do this but quitting alcohol is proving to be a bit of a challenge. I am sober for today and will try to last as long as I can. I have a mild-to-moderate left-sided headache, my head feels foggy/spacey/neuralgic and I just feel like anyone might feel as they were going through withdrawal symptoms. It really sucks.

I am reading the article that was suggested to me and it is excellent. In fact I read quite a bit of it last night, bookmarked it and then went to bed. I will read more of it later. Thanks for an excellent read!.

Well, I'd better go for now. I don't know how I'll get through all of this but I must. Thank you all for so much support and I'll let you know how it turns out (if I don't go mad first!).

Steven

Bliss71

I totally relate to your posts. This time round I am at the 13 day mark now and it keeps getting better and better. I wish you that too

Need4Change

Well, I'm still on day two with no alcohol, cigarettes or chewing tobacco (just nicotine gum) and although I do suffer from Tourette's and have "head jerks", I've actually had kind of a prickly, foggy weird kind of a headache all day - almost like the type of headache you'd get from a sinus allergy or something. Does anyone else get headaches during withdrawal and how would you describe them (ie; one-sided, dull, throbbing, prickly, tension-type, etc)?.

Steve

Pilgrim

You need to drink lots and lots of fluids - not alcoholic tho!!!