alcohol abuser or alcoholic, what am i?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2
alcohol abuser or alcoholic, what am i?
hi everyone-
i'll just jump right into this. i don't drink everyday nor do i have cravings everyday. i have never jeopardized my career b/c of alcohol. i don't drink in the morning. i can go to a happy hour, have 2 beers and go home. i can sit with my wife and have a glass of wine and not go for more.
but when i do DRINK. i mean any sort of situation where i won't be driving and there is an open bar, i over do it. i'm 30 years old and i still get to the points where i blackout. at a recent event, i had close to 30 drinks [estimate based upon what other had to tell me] and cannot for the life of me remember most details from 10pm until 3am, but i was told i was carrying on coherent conversations with people i didn't remember being at the party, etc. i become beligerent and aggressive during my binge drinking episodes and don't remember that either.
i have to say the after effects of the last binge are rock bottom for me. might pale in comparison to some other peoples' stories, but to me this is as low as i have been about my drinking.
some background, i grew up in a working class area with a lot of drinking around me. partying was always the cool thing to do on the weekends, and to this day i have uncles and aunts who still drink and party on the weekends...to the point of drunkeness. my parents had me very young and efter their divorce (i was 5) they both partied and carried on like the early twenty-somethings they were. hell, my mom still gets drunk every now and then and she's almost 50. i know live in a suburban area near a major city, but still the "country boy" who used to drink 20 beers in the woods on a friday night because it was "cool" and "OK" back then comes out of me.
i'm going to stop there, i can go on and on with details from what i have been told from others and what i actually remember.
i know i have a problem with alcohol. i know that i have serious control issues with it. i'm afraid that something terrible is going to happen one of these times during a binge, as i have gotten violent, commited what would be considered a misdemeanor offense [from what i am told, normally in good fun] and i have hurt friendships and relationships.
but tell me, am i an alcoholic? i went to an AA meeting lastnight because i am 100% committed to getting this under control and not letting it happen again. but sitting there, hearing about the people who couldn't control their daytime drinking and were drinking a box of wine after work everyday or drinking on the job...i felt like i was out of place. i know i need help with alcohol, i have accepted that and admitted it. i took the quiz on AAs website and got 5 out of 12...the post script after the quiz says:
"Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in A.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves — the hard way."
it does say probably in trouble...but even if without help the binging would only happen once or twice a year...that's too much for me. i'm done with it, and i know that i need some help to stop. the thing is, and this may be classic denial...but if it took it, i would stop drinking forever.
i have abused alcohol to the point of blackout, but can control it 9/10 times. and i need help because that 1/10 times is having serious impact on my life.
who should i talk to? what should i read? is aa right for me?
i'll just jump right into this. i don't drink everyday nor do i have cravings everyday. i have never jeopardized my career b/c of alcohol. i don't drink in the morning. i can go to a happy hour, have 2 beers and go home. i can sit with my wife and have a glass of wine and not go for more.
but when i do DRINK. i mean any sort of situation where i won't be driving and there is an open bar, i over do it. i'm 30 years old and i still get to the points where i blackout. at a recent event, i had close to 30 drinks [estimate based upon what other had to tell me] and cannot for the life of me remember most details from 10pm until 3am, but i was told i was carrying on coherent conversations with people i didn't remember being at the party, etc. i become beligerent and aggressive during my binge drinking episodes and don't remember that either.
i have to say the after effects of the last binge are rock bottom for me. might pale in comparison to some other peoples' stories, but to me this is as low as i have been about my drinking.
some background, i grew up in a working class area with a lot of drinking around me. partying was always the cool thing to do on the weekends, and to this day i have uncles and aunts who still drink and party on the weekends...to the point of drunkeness. my parents had me very young and efter their divorce (i was 5) they both partied and carried on like the early twenty-somethings they were. hell, my mom still gets drunk every now and then and she's almost 50. i know live in a suburban area near a major city, but still the "country boy" who used to drink 20 beers in the woods on a friday night because it was "cool" and "OK" back then comes out of me.
i'm going to stop there, i can go on and on with details from what i have been told from others and what i actually remember.
i know i have a problem with alcohol. i know that i have serious control issues with it. i'm afraid that something terrible is going to happen one of these times during a binge, as i have gotten violent, commited what would be considered a misdemeanor offense [from what i am told, normally in good fun] and i have hurt friendships and relationships.
but tell me, am i an alcoholic? i went to an AA meeting lastnight because i am 100% committed to getting this under control and not letting it happen again. but sitting there, hearing about the people who couldn't control their daytime drinking and were drinking a box of wine after work everyday or drinking on the job...i felt like i was out of place. i know i need help with alcohol, i have accepted that and admitted it. i took the quiz on AAs website and got 5 out of 12...the post script after the quiz says:
"Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in A.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves — the hard way."
it does say probably in trouble...but even if without help the binging would only happen once or twice a year...that's too much for me. i'm done with it, and i know that i need some help to stop. the thing is, and this may be classic denial...but if it took it, i would stop drinking forever.
i have abused alcohol to the point of blackout, but can control it 9/10 times. and i need help because that 1/10 times is having serious impact on my life.
who should i talk to? what should i read? is aa right for me?
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: It's a Dry Heat, AZ.
Posts: 438
Welcome aboard, pinkerling. It sounds to me like you've answered a few of your own questions. Quitting would probably be in your best interest. Severe binge drinking can be just as dangerous as the "textbook example" alcoholic. When you drink, you lose control--not every time--but it's still a factor.
Many alcoholics continue to drink to excess mainly because they have no control over it, and the more they try to control the drinking, the worse it gets.
I think a recovery program would help.
Many alcoholics continue to drink to excess mainly because they have no control over it, and the more they try to control the drinking, the worse it gets.
I think a recovery program would help.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
i don't drink everyday nor do i have cravings everyday. i have never jeopardized my career b/c of alcohol. i don't drink in the morning. i
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
just add yet... ditto GP
pinker, glad your here looking into the problem.. and there is a solution if you want one...
see your into the blackout bit... pinker, look at it this way...
" blackouts are like sleepwalking, with activity "
good wishes on your decission pinker...
one more thing... for me, what i have realized... i now can live a great life... booze free
the booze was just the RX for the real issues at hand... me... had to change my think'n, and react'n to life
my my... what a journey it has been...
xxoo, zip
pinker, glad your here looking into the problem.. and there is a solution if you want one...
see your into the blackout bit... pinker, look at it this way...
" blackouts are like sleepwalking, with activity "
good wishes on your decission pinker...
one more thing... for me, what i have realized... i now can live a great life... booze free
the booze was just the RX for the real issues at hand... me... had to change my think'n, and react'n to life
my my... what a journey it has been...
xxoo, zip
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 264
Someone in one of my AA groups used to drink once a month. It was WHAT HAPPENED when she drank that was the problem.... And the fact she couldn't alter this behavior on her own.
If drinking is causing you problems, why not stop drinking?
Also, no one at AA meetings will force you to say you're alcoholic. You can just go to listen.
The other thing they tell you is identify, don't compare. A guy in one of my groups was homeless on Polk Street in San Francisco, landed in jail for beating up some women, is now 20-some years sober. His story is very different from mine but I'll tell ya... He knows how incessant my alcohol obsession is... He knows EXACTLy the madness of "this one time won't hurt" or "it will be different, I've learnt my lesson this time"
We are brother & sister in that respect!
If drinking is causing you problems, why not stop drinking?
Also, no one at AA meetings will force you to say you're alcoholic. You can just go to listen.
The other thing they tell you is identify, don't compare. A guy in one of my groups was homeless on Polk Street in San Francisco, landed in jail for beating up some women, is now 20-some years sober. His story is very different from mine but I'll tell ya... He knows how incessant my alcohol obsession is... He knows EXACTLy the madness of "this one time won't hurt" or "it will be different, I've learnt my lesson this time"
We are brother & sister in that respect!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Congratulations on seeking answers!
What to read?
There is the book that convinced me to quit.
I use AA to stay in recovery.
Check out this link
post #35 explains Blackouts
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
AA is for anyone with the desire to quit drinking.
Welcome to SR!
What to read?
There is the book that convinced me to quit.
I use AA to stay in recovery.
Check out this link
post #35 explains Blackouts
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
AA is for anyone with the desire to quit drinking.
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 693
Hi Pinkerling...
What are you? I'm not sure but I'll tell ya...you're a helluva lot smarter than I was at 30! I sure would have saved myself and people I love a lot of heartache had I even questioned myself back then.
Glad to hear you sought the help of AA. Don't give up now. Best wishes and please keep posting!
What are you? I'm not sure but I'll tell ya...you're a helluva lot smarter than I was at 30! I sure would have saved myself and people I love a lot of heartache had I even questioned myself back then.
Glad to hear you sought the help of AA. Don't give up now. Best wishes and please keep posting!
tangled up in blue
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 401
Pinkerling, welcome to the boards. =) I know what you mean when you describe how drinking was so normal in your area. That's partly why it took me a bit to realize I had a problem. I assumed since everyone else was doing it, I was okay to do it, too. Well, I had to force myself to see that the constant drinking until blackouts was really damaging my life. I understand when you talk about horrific things you've done while drunk...these things still haunt me to this day, and while others might not consider them horrible, it's a shame that I got myself into these situations to begin with. Just think; if we stop drinking, we won't have to worry about the horrible things we've done, because instead we'll be improving our lives.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Melbourne Australia
Posts: 71
pinkerling as others have said, only you can answer that question. One thing that is for sure though, alcoholism is a progressive disease and only you can stop it or let it continue on it's path of further destruction, which will get worse. Good luck and keep coming back!!!!!!!! The blackouts will get worse, never better.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Bangor, maine
Posts: 78
Pinkerling,
As people have stated, no one but you really knows whether you are an alcoholic or not. The sad truth is, an alcoholic is not just about how much you drink. It is a different biochemical reaction.
You have some of the early warning signs. I have personaly destroyed friendships, jobs, and even an engagement from drinking.
If you are having problems controling your drinking, I would submit it is *loss of control* which is the worst symptom. I can vcertainly drink and behave myself if it's important--most of the time.
But it's a dice shoot, until i had a 4 or 5 day blackout. Where did i go? How did i get the black eye?
You get the picture.
Consider it carefully while you are sober.
As people have stated, no one but you really knows whether you are an alcoholic or not. The sad truth is, an alcoholic is not just about how much you drink. It is a different biochemical reaction.
You have some of the early warning signs. I have personaly destroyed friendships, jobs, and even an engagement from drinking.
If you are having problems controling your drinking, I would submit it is *loss of control* which is the worst symptom. I can vcertainly drink and behave myself if it's important--most of the time.
But it's a dice shoot, until i had a 4 or 5 day blackout. Where did i go? How did i get the black eye?
You get the picture.
Consider it carefully while you are sober.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
What is a Real Alcoholic
Based on what you have said, it would appear that you may be a problem drinker, maybe more. moderation management and some good therapy may be helpful. Just my opinion, however it is backed with personal and professional experience. A real alcoholic loses all choice and control, it sounds like you still have some, although it sounds like you are starting to visit the "gray area" which is something to look at closely. At some point you may pass over, a lot of people have.
AA's basic text the big book in it's first few chapters gives a very comprehensive picture of what alcoholism is all about, the physical response and the mental thoughts that occur before the drink, match your experience against the considerations the book offers. I suggest reading it and finding out your truth, in the meantime, keep posting on SR, you'll get plenty of feedback.
best of luck.
AA's basic text the big book in it's first few chapters gives a very comprehensive picture of what alcoholism is all about, the physical response and the mental thoughts that occur before the drink, match your experience against the considerations the book offers. I suggest reading it and finding out your truth, in the meantime, keep posting on SR, you'll get plenty of feedback.
best of luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by Rob B 
Based on what you have said, it would appear that you may be a problem drinker, maybe more. moderation management and some good therapy may be helpful. Just my opinion, however it is backed with personal and professional experience. A real alcoholic loses all choice and control, it sounds like you still have some, although it sounds like you are starting to visit the "gray area" which is something to look at closely. At some point you may pass over, a lot of people have.
AA's basic text the big book in it's first few chapters gives a very comprehensive picture of what alcoholism is all about, the physical response and the mental thoughts that occur before the drink, match your experience against the considerations the book offers. I suggest reading it and finding out your truth, in the meantime, keep posting on SR, you'll get plenty of feedback.
best of luck.
AA's basic text the big book in it's first few chapters gives a very comprehensive picture of what alcoholism is all about, the physical response and the mental thoughts that occur before the drink, match your experience against the considerations the book offers. I suggest reading it and finding out your truth, in the meantime, keep posting on SR, you'll get plenty of feedback.
best of luck.
but i'm not losing sight of my problem, and i thank you all SO much for your support.
i contacted a therapist today who has experience with substance abuse and alcoholism. i was planning on talking to someone about some depressed feelings i have been having on and off over the last few years, and figured this is a perfect time to get some professional help for my problem drinking.
i still stand true, if it turns out that my best route (and it probably is the best route anyway) is to stop completely, then so be it.
i appreciate all of you responding, i'll keep checking back and using this site as a source of inspiration and support.
Raised from the Dead
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Chicago
Posts: 376
if you're checking out alcoholc recovery websites and attending an AA meeting, chances are you did so because alcohol was having some type of negative affect on your life. you dont need to be living in alley drinking colt 45 in a brown bag to be an alcoholic. many AA'ers have high bottoms. look for the similiarities between us and you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
pinker well pinker, maybe your one that can drink like a gentlemen...
good wishes...
rz
went to las vegas with my wife last weekend, and i did have some drinks...just a few and never got drunk, nor did i have a desire to.
good wishes...
rz
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