chicago

for the first time in a long time one of my friends relapsed. my network almost exclusively consists of people with 1+ years of sobriety so everybody is solid. i do have one friend however who allegedly had 9 months and was arrested today on the west side of chicago. allegedly he was buying weed from an undercover cop. in that neighborhood people buy crack and heroin...not weed. so that was suspcious. than after talking to his GF i learned that she had found a crack pipe several months back. he was working service commitments, working steps, making meetings, etc. so i was under the impression he was working the program. most likely he had been using sporatically from time to time and finally got caught. its very sad. just goes to show you the importance of surrounding yourself with winners. im grateful to be sober today.

CarolD

I know what you are saying...
I was surprized recently when a member ....18 months sober
picked up a white chip.


That is why I say the only time I count is my own.



Hugs and Prayers

GlassPrisoner

Even in a small meeting, with only 6 guys that I know, I always ask if anyone has 30 days or less. You never know.

As far as the thread title.....check my sig

xXBacktoBlackXx

I feel for your friend and hope that he gets better. It's hard to see that since I can see myself in that and I'm sure others can too. Sobriety is the only way.

karrotop

hi chicago.....so what are you going to do about your friendship with this guy?are you going to stay friends with him and help him out,or are you going to wipe him off your,"solid"friends list?
i am curiuos,because my best friend,who was a recovering alchoholic herself,with many sober years under her belt,was my,"rock".....she would help me with my problems with alchohol because SHE understood.....i was doing OK sober for a time,then one night i slipped,and made the mistake of calling her to tell her that i had just called the union rep from my job,and asked him for help.....Instead of being supportive,she was angry about me drinking,and about me calling her....and proceeded to tell me she couldn't be my friend anymore,because she didn't trust me.....I was crushed and shocked....after several phone calls,and several letters to her,i finally got it......my best friend was gone for good....you would think a fellow alchoholic,who was also my best friend(or so I thought) would've been supportive of my asking for help.......this all happened last september....and i haven't heard from her since.....it still hurts me....and i still get angry....and i still miss her and the friendship i thought we had.

so,if this guy is a real friend to you,please don't give up on him so fast.....he needs you now,more than ever....i know...backing out on him won't help him.....support him when he asks for help.....listen when he needs to talk.....KT

Surrender63

I'm with you 100% and that! I sometimes(not often) wonder how people I'm getting to know in the program would react IF I were to relapse? I understand the concept of " sticking with the winners" and concern for your own sobriety . I would also like to think that true friends stick with you when the going gets tuff!

Alive

we learn with others and they learn with our mistakes....

IO Storm

Whenever anyone asks for help the hand of AA reaches out and we are responsible....

We stay sober by taking it one day at a time and helping others achieve sobriety

and via sponsorship..to keep sobriety.

It is a personal decision...but looking at the above I would always be responsive

to a person who has slipped. It is a matter of grace..that what we have been

shown we freely keep giving it out to others in order to keep it.

The only requirement for AA member ship is the "desire" to stop drinking.

I would not be here is the group had not kept giving me those white chips!

And personal friends who never gave up on me.

Love,

IO

Surlyredhead

I remember, some years ago, one of my closest friends in recovery at the time relapsed. I was devastated, I mean how could he do that? I told another recovering alcoholic (with many years sober) about it, I said "How could he do that?" "Why didn't he call me, I was here for him and he went and used!" I really took it personal ( I had about a year sober at the time) I was mad/sad/hurt, you name it. I expected a pat on the back and to be told that it would be okay, and that I was right to be hurt. Guess what he said........"Now you know how your family felt for all those years!!!" !!!! You could have knocked me over with a feather, I finally got it!!!
I made some serious amends that day. I also learned that I can't save everyone, no matter how hard I try. I had to let him go until he was willing to try again, my sobriety was more important than any friendship, and it still is.

I am sorry you are sad, but I am glad it isn't you.

Cathy

chicago

i will help anyone who is willing to go to any length to get sober --whether theyve relapsed in the past or not. i dont cut people off if they relapse but if they are still out there i have no business associating with them unless theyre asking for help. working with others is the 12th step! i just got off the phone with my ex sponsee who relapsed several times and he told me he just got out of detox. he said he wants to get back to the program and asked if i would work with him. i told him yes of course.

that said my closest group of friends all work every aspect of the program because i want what they have and it rubs off on me.