Should I go?
tangled up in blue
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 401
Thank you very much for that message. It touched me. You're right...I really shouldn't give up. I know this is going to sound extreme but I'll say it because I'm sure everyone here has experienced it to some degree. After "coming down" from the high earlier this morning, I felt so depressed. I really wondered what the point of continuing on was, to the point that I thought maybe it would be best to end it all. I thought about the notes I would write to my family and friends. Not that I actually did it (obviously not, ha) or would in a sober state, but it scared the hell out of me. I was so sure that it was something I should do, just because I felt so horrible from the depression that comes with a coke-like comedown. It's so convincing. I was in agony for hours because of it, lying in bed, exhausted with no sleep but knowing that in an hour I'll have to be up anyway. My heart was racing only in the way that drugs make it race. I was so convinced that this should be the end. Wondering why the hell should I get up because I ****** up and I always will **** up. I have embarrassed myself more times than I can count and all of these things just flooded my head. I thought about sleeping pills and what not but it was this comedown that made me feel that way. Thank G-d that I'm sober today. I'm tired as hell, but I'm not going to give up. I started to become paranoid thinking what did I do last night, trying to convince myself that I blacked out (which I know that I didn't) just because I'm so used to feeling this way. I'm done with this way of life.
tangled up in blue
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 401
What will I do differently? Well, I'm not going to allow for substances to be left around the house...I should have flushed them earlier but it reassured me to know that they were there "just in case". I can't have any more "just in case's" laying around. I'm also going to try and start going to meetings. I've white knuckled this for too long. I'm going to try my best to forget about the past.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: long island,ny
Posts: 190
it's ok...we learn from our mistakes.....
hi....don't beat yourself up too bad.....with every,"slip",we learn alittle more about ourselves and this addiction......just hang on,and stay here at SR......we're all pulling for you...KT
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
