I’m new here, and not sure where i fit in...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 6
I’m new here, and not sure where i fit in...
I officially gave up drinking four years ago, and I have had kids since then. Staying sober through pregnancy and nursing wasn’t too hard, but now things are back to “normal” it is harder to use those reasons to stay off drinking.
These were eventually my drinking patterns: I drank several times a week (at least once), anything I could find. I made sure I was alone and undisturbed (I would stay up drinking after my husband went to bed, and if he was out of town, I would lock myself in our apartment and drink). I drank until I passed out.
I did not like to drink in social settings because:
1) I mostly drank to make myself calm and reach a short period of happiness
2) I often blacked out,and sometimes passed out in strange places, and have been reported a missing person several times, causing a lot of anxiety in my family
3) I would often pick fights with people, hit on men (and sleep with them—before I got married), or do other embarrassing things
4) I was sometimes a hazard (I once almost caused a fire, trying to light cigarettes)
Where I grew up, there was a high tolerance for drinking, even binge drinking. Bad behavior was excused “But he/she was drunk, so...” I still have friends who don’t understand why I would quit drinking, just because I get terrible drunk and do embarrassing things (they just think it is funny, or at least permisseable).
Struggling with my own demons is bad enough (resisting the urge to drink, especially in stressful situations), but dealing with people’s questions are sometimes just as hard. It is not all that easy to admit that you have a drinking problem, and often I do not share this information. I often find that people are pushy (“Oh come on, this wine is really good, have a glass!” “Why are you drinking club soda? Have a drink! You don’t drink? I thought you had finished breastfeeding?”)
People who do know about my problem want to know what the problem is exactly, and some (like my friends) brush it aside and decide that it is not a problem (“Oh, everybody makes and ass of herself sometimes...”), thus I should be able to have a drink with them. Others find it “creepy” that some people choose not to drink (perhaps before they hear what the reasons are). Others think that I should just “control the drinking” by saying stop after a drink or two, but this is impossible for me to do. I actually like parties and dancing and hanging out in bars, and as long as I don’t take that first drink, I’m fine (it’s actually when I’m alone, that I most want a drink). Finally, drinking is often romantisized (sensitive poets drink, as do artists, stressful, successful lawyers and playboys/girls), and so people often fail to see the real cost and struggle behind these images.
I am interested in hearing how other people handle these sosial situations.
I guess I’m here because I don’t have a support system of any kind, except my husband, who does not want to see me have another drink again ever (and for that, I am thankful. Because he understands where that one drink can lead me).
These were eventually my drinking patterns: I drank several times a week (at least once), anything I could find. I made sure I was alone and undisturbed (I would stay up drinking after my husband went to bed, and if he was out of town, I would lock myself in our apartment and drink). I drank until I passed out.
I did not like to drink in social settings because:
1) I mostly drank to make myself calm and reach a short period of happiness
2) I often blacked out,and sometimes passed out in strange places, and have been reported a missing person several times, causing a lot of anxiety in my family
3) I would often pick fights with people, hit on men (and sleep with them—before I got married), or do other embarrassing things
4) I was sometimes a hazard (I once almost caused a fire, trying to light cigarettes)
Where I grew up, there was a high tolerance for drinking, even binge drinking. Bad behavior was excused “But he/she was drunk, so...” I still have friends who don’t understand why I would quit drinking, just because I get terrible drunk and do embarrassing things (they just think it is funny, or at least permisseable).
Struggling with my own demons is bad enough (resisting the urge to drink, especially in stressful situations), but dealing with people’s questions are sometimes just as hard. It is not all that easy to admit that you have a drinking problem, and often I do not share this information. I often find that people are pushy (“Oh come on, this wine is really good, have a glass!” “Why are you drinking club soda? Have a drink! You don’t drink? I thought you had finished breastfeeding?”)
People who do know about my problem want to know what the problem is exactly, and some (like my friends) brush it aside and decide that it is not a problem (“Oh, everybody makes and ass of herself sometimes...”), thus I should be able to have a drink with them. Others find it “creepy” that some people choose not to drink (perhaps before they hear what the reasons are). Others think that I should just “control the drinking” by saying stop after a drink or two, but this is impossible for me to do. I actually like parties and dancing and hanging out in bars, and as long as I don’t take that first drink, I’m fine (it’s actually when I’m alone, that I most want a drink). Finally, drinking is often romantisized (sensitive poets drink, as do artists, stressful, successful lawyers and playboys/girls), and so people often fail to see the real cost and struggle behind these images.
I am interested in hearing how other people handle these sosial situations.
I guess I’m here because I don’t have a support system of any kind, except my husband, who does not want to see me have another drink again ever (and for that, I am thankful. Because he understands where that one drink can lead me).
Determined
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the verge of insanity
Posts: 330
Hi there,
I have no idea how I will handle social situations etc as the whole staying sober thing is all new to me, it does worry me how I will handle stresful situations, most of my friends drink and like you I was seen as good for a laugh and did daft(often dangerous) things. I'm sure there will be plenty of people to give you useful advice, but I just wanted to say hi and congratulations on your years of being sober.
I have no idea how I will handle social situations etc as the whole staying sober thing is all new to me, it does worry me how I will handle stresful situations, most of my friends drink and like you I was seen as good for a laugh and did daft(often dangerous) things. I'm sure there will be plenty of people to give you useful advice, but I just wanted to say hi and congratulations on your years of being sober.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Brett Ashley,
Welcome to Sober Recovery - I could identify with stopping drinking during pregnancy/nursing - I fell back into my old ways once the kids got a little older. I, too, frequently blacked out, went missing, flirted with men, drove while impaired,etc.
I too faced a lot of resistance when I decided to stop ('you're NOT an alcoholic' - 'try to drink like a lady and everything will be fine'). I finally had to shut them out and listen to myself and see the damage I was causing by drinking.
People know enough not to harass me today for not drinking - I used to get a lot of questions but people got used to seeing me with a club soda in my hand and thought nothing of it. It really wasn't their business in the first place, but I was consumed by what others thought of me.
I wish you well, and hope that you keep posting.
Rowan
Welcome to Sober Recovery - I could identify with stopping drinking during pregnancy/nursing - I fell back into my old ways once the kids got a little older. I, too, frequently blacked out, went missing, flirted with men, drove while impaired,etc.
I too faced a lot of resistance when I decided to stop ('you're NOT an alcoholic' - 'try to drink like a lady and everything will be fine'). I finally had to shut them out and listen to myself and see the damage I was causing by drinking.
People know enough not to harass me today for not drinking - I used to get a lot of questions but people got used to seeing me with a club soda in my hand and thought nothing of it. It really wasn't their business in the first place, but I was consumed by what others thought of me.
I wish you well, and hope that you keep posting.
Rowan
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you found us and that you have your husband's support.
Congratulations on 4 years sober!
Since I stopped drinking I really pick and choose social situations. I don't enjoy being around people who are drinking. I've also found that I like being alone much more than I ever used to.
People who don't drink usually don't understand what it's like to be an addict. Therefore when they suggest to stop after a drink or two, it shows they just don't get it. If I could stop after a drink or two, do you think I'd be in the place I am!! For me, I choose to not tell people about my addiction (outside of this board). In my opinion, it's absolutely none of their business whether I drink or not. I know what I need to do and that's the bottom line.
I'm glad you've joined us.
I'm glad you found us and that you have your husband's support.
Congratulations on 4 years sober!
Since I stopped drinking I really pick and choose social situations. I don't enjoy being around people who are drinking. I've also found that I like being alone much more than I ever used to.
People who don't drink usually don't understand what it's like to be an addict. Therefore when they suggest to stop after a drink or two, it shows they just don't get it. If I could stop after a drink or two, do you think I'd be in the place I am!! For me, I choose to not tell people about my addiction (outside of this board). In my opinion, it's absolutely none of their business whether I drink or not. I know what I need to do and that's the bottom line.
I'm glad you've joined us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 6
Thanks for the response and greetings!
It's funny that if you say you are an alchoholic (which is not people's buisness in the first place, as long as you are sober and behaving yourself!), then you are justified in not drinking. However, if you are not a labeled alchoholic, but still have a drinking problem, then people (for some strange reason) do not always see quitting drinking as a valid solution. Why is that? It's like saying: "Your'e not crazy, so you can't have mental health problems--snap out of it!"
I sometimes want to invent some rare, socially acceptable disease that people can't argue with, just to make them stop asking why I don't drink ("No thanks, even the slightest alchohol consumption will mess up my medications for (fill in the blank)) :-)
It's funny that if you say you are an alchoholic (which is not people's buisness in the first place, as long as you are sober and behaving yourself!), then you are justified in not drinking. However, if you are not a labeled alchoholic, but still have a drinking problem, then people (for some strange reason) do not always see quitting drinking as a valid solution. Why is that? It's like saying: "Your'e not crazy, so you can't have mental health problems--snap out of it!"
I sometimes want to invent some rare, socially acceptable disease that people can't argue with, just to make them stop asking why I don't drink ("No thanks, even the slightest alchohol consumption will mess up my medications for (fill in the blank)) :-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Brett Ashley,
It's whatever you're comfortable with. If you prefer to say you're taking medication, go with that. That can just lead the way to more questions ("really? what kind of med are you taking? antipsychotics you say? ooohhhh right then" - just a little humour there!).
I'm very glad you decided to join us. I hope you keep posting.
It's whatever you're comfortable with. If you prefer to say you're taking medication, go with that. That can just lead the way to more questions ("really? what kind of med are you taking? antipsychotics you say? ooohhhh right then" - just a little humour there!).
I'm very glad you decided to join us. I hope you keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
Posts: 1,011
Brett Welcome,
you a have found a great place read around, check out the Alcohol forum, on the top are excerpts from a book called "Under the Influence" good reading.
I can certainly relate to the accepted and tolerated drunk behavior. It almost like anything you do drunk is excused. Many of my friends and family are established proffesional... lawyers, commissioners, doctors, teachers etc.... so many of them just don't get it. You need to do what is best for you and they will just have to accept it.
you a have found a great place read around, check out the Alcohol forum, on the top are excerpts from a book called "Under the Influence" good reading.
I can certainly relate to the accepted and tolerated drunk behavior. It almost like anything you do drunk is excused. Many of my friends and family are established proffesional... lawyers, commissioners, doctors, teachers etc.... so many of them just don't get it. You need to do what is best for you and they will just have to accept it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
Welcome to SR. I to did embarrassing things when drinking. My real friends encourage me to stay off the booze. The people I hung with as aquaintences were the ones i had trouble with. they werent close enought to me to see the problems alcohol and drugs caused me. What I considered embarassing behavior they considered funny. my other problem is people that want some one to get high with. They didnt want me to stop cause they were loosing a partner. someone to got o dangerous places with to score. Someone to party with. Misery lovees company is a very true statement.
I also prefer to drink alone. would like to catch a buzz and play my guitar. Going out on the social scene didnt cut it for me. I would have to get twice as high to be part of a social situation. I dont feel very comfortanle being me so I would drrink and become this other goofy person that people liked to laugh at.
Do what is good for you If you are here and looking for advice it is probably time for you to stop.
Keep posting there are many here going through similiar things that are willing to help.
I also prefer to drink alone. would like to catch a buzz and play my guitar. Going out on the social scene didnt cut it for me. I would have to get twice as high to be part of a social situation. I dont feel very comfortanle being me so I would drrink and become this other goofy person that people liked to laugh at.
Do what is good for you If you are here and looking for advice it is probably time for you to stop.
Keep posting there are many here going through similiar things that are willing to help.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Melbourne Australia
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by Brett Ashley 
Where I grew up, there was a high tolerance for drinking, even binge drinking. Bad behavior was excused “But he/she was drunk, so...” I still have friends who don’t understand why I would quit drinking, just because I get terrible drunk and do embarrassing things (they just think it is funny, or at least permisseable).
.
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Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
greeting brett...
brett ... bottom line for me brett... it all comes down to people, places and things... do i choose the right ones, or let my addictions rationalize them for me...
today, with the help and guidance i have learned... i believe good choices have been made so far...
wish'n you the best brett...
xxoo, rz
brett
am interested in hearing how other people handle these sosial situations.
today, with the help and guidance i have learned... i believe good choices have been made so far...
wish'n you the best brett...
xxoo, rz
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 14
Everyday when I sit here and read the posts of so many other's it freaks me out...cuz...we are all so similar!!!! I started drinking at 18 (I was raised in a VERY religious family and was sheltered for most of my life within that religion - I have to say that my spiritual path has changed..but for the better)! A high school friend and I worked together and she invited me to a party - I had NEVER been in any kind of social event all through school - etc....But I'm 18 right so I go and she hands me a vodka and Kool - Aid - it transformed me from this shy little girl into a partying - dancing freak - and I LIKED IT! That night I made out with 3 guys (I was still a virgin and somehow I managed to keep that in tact - that night anyway) - I had NEVER made out with anyone before - apparently I was a natural *blushes*. But after years of the party scene and years of MANY crazy things that I've done - it all got so old. For the past 10 years or so I've been a 'lone' drinker - I just don't like myself when I get wild and crazy and my hubby doesn't really like it either. But I also turn into a B**** from hell now - when I hadn't before. The last time I went out to drink was when I went to London to meet hubby's family - they kept giving me pints of cider (something I'd never had before) - it knocked me on my bum and by the end of the evening my evil twin had come out - hubby knew what was going to happen and left - telling his brother to bring me home - that infuriated me - I'm in a strange place and he just leaves - anyway - a fight ensued as soon as I got home (which mainly consisted of me yelling and him taking it)....the next day we are back at the pub and EVERYONE knows about it and they are making jokes 'don't give her cider - that bird will go mental on you' - I was so embarrassed - but they acted like it was nothing - like it was something that was an everyday normal occurrence (all of them except for hubby that is) - and so we drank again...! There are many ppl out there who think that those kinds of things are normal - and it does give reason for a good laugh - but when you drink at home and black out, not knowing what happened the night before - all you know is that your hubby and your children are looking very angry with you - that's one of the worst feelings ever - and the guilt is horrible. Hubby just now has gotten to the point where he can agree that I'm an alcoholic - he likes to keep things swept under the rug - but I told him that there's no way around that kind of truth....
Welcome to SR it's a great place and it's helped me alot....
Blessings
~H~
Welcome to SR it's a great place and it's helped me alot....
Blessings
~H~
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