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Old 05-17-2007, 01:44 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Hi, i'm new here

I didn't start drinking until i was 24, I'm 33 now. When i was 23 I was in a freak accident that changed me physically(only people who knew me would notice the differences). Emotionally it was hard to deal with and I soon found that when I drank I didn't have to deal with at all. I could just drink and feel better.

So I started to drink everynight and i didn't have to worry about it. Drinking just made me feel good. I would just drink and sit at the computer and it was a way to create another reality in a way. I didn't have to deal with the reality of the injury.

At first i drank everynight. I'd drink wine, whisky, beer, rum, anything i could get my hands on. I'd raid my parents liquor cabinet, i'd scrounge for change to buy cheap vodka, i'd buy cheap beer. I was usually broke but i found a way to get boozed up. For about 7 years that went on. Not getting boozed up meant having to face what I didn't want to face.

over the last couple years my drinking has waned slightly. I'm not sure if it was because of the hangovers that get worse as you age or if the idea of sitting at my desk with a quart of vodka became mundane. My drink of choice changed from wine and vodka and hard liquor to beer. I found other pleasures with alchohol. I enjoyed nothing more than popping open an ice cold corona with lime in the hot sun. That first taste of beer after work i lived for. I still drank every night, sometimes a 6pack of beer , sometimes as many as 12.

I havn't had wine or hard alchohol in over a year. There has even been circumstances where I wanted a drink but didn't have beer but had access to wine and hard liquor but didn't bother. I went from an alchoholic to a beeroholic. If i didn't have beer in the house but a roomate had hard alchohol I wouldn't want any. I'd just go a night without.

Over the last couple years there have been many nights when i went without beer. Sometimes i would even just have 1 or 2 then come back the next night and drink 12 beers and pass out in bed. Then the next day go without beer, sometimes even go two days without. But that alarm within myself was always there...I could go two days without a beer but sooner or later the alarm would go off and i would need a beer.

Over the last year i've drank less. I've gone from 5 nights a week to four then to three nights a week. But i'd still drink as many as 12 beers a night.

I guess i had a road to damascus moment. I got a look at myself in the mirror, my face bloated, beer belly, oafish body and I wondered what my body would have been like if i hadn't abused it all these years with alchohol.

I decided just to end the drunk cycle i was on. I slowly weened myself down to allowing myself a beer after work and then cutting myself off. One a day, sometimes two.

I havn't had a beer in a week and the last 3 weeks I've drank just 3 nights.

that alarm inside to want a beer is still there though. It used to go off everyday, now it goes off for other reasons. Something stressful at work and i'll have that "god i need a beer feeling" when before if something stressful happened at work having a beer was a no brainer and i was going to drink anyway, stressful day or not.

For me it's time to get healthy and start treating my body better. I think this is the first time in almost 10 years where I have gone a whole week without a drink. I'm a little figity when i set at my desk at night. I find myself looking for some kind of replacement for that comforting habit I had all these years but i'm feeling better about myself and about the future than I have in years.
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Old 05-17-2007, 02:57 AM
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Hi Wallace - I don't have any advice for you right now - but wanted to extend my hand and say 'Welcome' - I'm very glad you found us. Others will be along to welcome you shortly.

Rowan

Last edited by Rowan; 02-05-2008 at 08:05 AM.
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Old 05-17-2007, 04:05 AM
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Welcome from me too, keep posting and sit down and have a coffee with us!!!

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Old 05-17-2007, 04:17 AM
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welcome to the board wallace...

thanks for shareing some of yourself with us...

good news trying to take care of your body...

the replacment you mention... for me, it was mind, body and soul... live'n a sober life... oh, what a joy...

takes work for me daily... the ism in alcoholisn is stil with me... aint alcoholwasm...

good wishes wallace

xxoo, rz
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Old 05-17-2007, 04:58 AM
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nice to meet you, wallace. thanks for your share. keep posting, recovery is possible. blessings, k
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