hadnt drank in 104 days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
Im gonna try to lay down minus the beer and pills.
Thanks anna! Thats not the answer, but what is . How do you make a long time addict with so many issues figure out where to ever sart getting her life together.
My brain is shutting down it needs a break.
Thanks anna! Thats not the answer, but what is . How do you make a long time addict with so many issues figure out where to ever sart getting her life together.
My brain is shutting down it needs a break.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
When I stopped drinking, I had nothing left of myself. There was a shell of a person and I had no idea how to move forward. I just did what I could do, at my speed, to try to find myself. Take some quiet time and listen to your soul. It is talking to you and if you are quiet, you will hear it. It will show you the path the follow.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Originally Posted by bfree4u 
How do you make a long time addict with so many issues figure out where to ever sart getting her life together.
If you should find the answer to this question please share it with me. I've been feeling the same way lately. Though I'm not a 12-stepper, I guess "one day at a time" is about the best way I am able to deal with it. I haven't a clue how I'm going to go about fixing my F'd up life, but I know that using is, to a large degree, how things got so F'd up in the first place. So I guess that is not the answer. Hang in there Beth. Glad to see you still fighting the fight. Take care.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Originally Posted by bfree4u
I know there is no clearcut answer, but it is safe to say the answer is not in using.
You should clip that quote and put it in to your signature just to remind yourself of that.
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
You know also besides that wonderful sentence, there's also something very special in your name. Be free, that says it all, doesn't it.I wish i had that name.lol. but i have that feeling right now. and you are joining me, i know....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
Beth,
So happy you're hanging in there, and doing the right thing. Keep it up and things will start to happen for you. And keep booting out your knuckle-head "pals" until they get the idea.
Prayers for you!
S
So happy you're hanging in there, and doing the right thing. Keep it up and things will start to happen for you. And keep booting out your knuckle-head "pals" until they get the idea.
Prayers for you!
S
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Hi Beth,
We have known each other a while and been right here a couple of times and you know what I think and you know what to do. Not going to get into it.
I borrowed the quote below by gypsy_tears from another thread, it suits you to a tee.
Kevin
We have known each other a while and been right here a couple of times and you know what I think and you know what to do. Not going to get into it.
I borrowed the quote below by gypsy_tears from another thread, it suits you to a tee.
Originally Posted by gypsy tears
I think that when you can make the decision to finally stop it will all become so much easier and make much more sense.
If you can't decide whether or not to, or just don't want to stop drinking... well then that's your life. Do you think it will get better, or worse? I don't know what you're going to choose but I do wish you the best
.
If you can't decide whether or not to, or just don't want to stop drinking... well then that's your life. Do you think it will get better, or worse? I don't know what you're going to choose but I do wish you the best
.Kevin
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
I know I dont want to use anymore. It got me absolutely no place good. Ruined my life to the point of almost not finding my way back. There are just some days where I feel like I can tick myself. I dont know where i got it into my head that I could ever drink responsibly again. what an idiot.
I know what I have to do. Just having a hard time sticking with my program.
Today I am all kinds of nervous because I have probation. if she tests me I am not sure I will pass. I am almost sure I snorted some c the other day when I drank. The problem is I blacked out and dont remember If I had to guess I would guess that I did. I am already having problems with probation because of the community service.
I havent been able to go because of my back, it has been all screwed uop for the past 3 weeks and I am unable to do what is required. they are threatening to send my case back to the court. I need to get a Drs. note, but with no $ its kinda hard.
It would be a lot easier to concentrate on sobriety if I didnt have all these old issues up my ass. I am extremely nervous all the time which is why I have been entertaining the idea of getting high for just a few minutes of relief.
I know what I have to do. Just having a hard time sticking with my program.
Today I am all kinds of nervous because I have probation. if she tests me I am not sure I will pass. I am almost sure I snorted some c the other day when I drank. The problem is I blacked out and dont remember If I had to guess I would guess that I did. I am already having problems with probation because of the community service.
I havent been able to go because of my back, it has been all screwed uop for the past 3 weeks and I am unable to do what is required. they are threatening to send my case back to the court. I need to get a Drs. note, but with no $ its kinda hard.
It would be a lot easier to concentrate on sobriety if I didnt have all these old issues up my ass. I am extremely nervous all the time which is why I have been entertaining the idea of getting high for just a few minutes of relief.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
Kevin that is how I feel about it. They can see the changes I have made, and it is clear since the first time I went I have made a huge change. They dont really care about that. All they want is $. As long as the fines get paid it seems like that is all that matters. I guess my community service is like $ to them, cause If I cant do it they have to pay someone to do it. I dont mind doing it. Its just that right now I am not in any condition to be scrubbing floors with degreaser so the can be remolded.
I think a big problem is that I have been staying clean, but I am not really working on recovery. So I am kind of a dry drunk. not very happy or comfortable most of the time, but I am hanging in there. One day at a time.
I think a big problem is that I have been staying clean, but I am not really working on recovery. So I am kind of a dry drunk. not very happy or comfortable most of the time, but I am hanging in there. One day at a time.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
get a program and then work that program as suggested. When you do that things will change. I am also an addict and two years ago was exactly where you are, no differences. It has not always been easy, but I am clean and have a life and am happy. I still work that program and will do so for the rest of my life. I have been around long enough to try every way including 20 years clean on my own, it did NOT keep me clean.
Time to take advice and act on it or to by commit yourself to picking up at some time and maybe never making it back here. The choice is a simple one and its yours and as one addict to another there are no other considerations or excuses.
Good Luck.
Kevin
Time to take advice and act on it or to by commit yourself to picking up at some time and maybe never making it back here. The choice is a simple one and its yours and as one addict to another there are no other considerations or excuses.
Good Luck.
Kevin
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
I need to start focusing on sobriety and stop worrying about all the other bull I have been concerning myself with. I finally chased away the bad influences in my life. All but my buddy Jimmy and that is going to be tough. I want to talk to him and see if I cant get him to come over to the sober side. I can see how bad his health is getting from using and I cant bare to watch anymore. i love him, but I love me more.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
The only thing my friend could you for me was sucker me into
an AA meeting. She tried to talked to me, but almost replased.
She packed her bags and ran as far as she could from me.
I didn't understand, how she could do that to me, after all we've
been through. She might say a few words to me after.
but would trun her back on me...wtf ???
But ya see...it took me 3 months to try to stop drinking or using
oneday at a time after my first meeting.
My gf i met in recovery...she taught she was doing good.
She tried to go save her getting high buds oneday...i drove up
and and saw her f-up out of her damn mind. I step on the
gas peddle and burned some tires..i was so pissed...
But ya see...my friend taught me a good lesson...I understood at that piont.
Those damn wars stories you hear sometimes in meetings...you know sometimes it's a trip..ESH.
an AA meeting. She tried to talked to me, but almost replased.
She packed her bags and ran as far as she could from me.
I didn't understand, how she could do that to me, after all we've
been through. She might say a few words to me after.
but would trun her back on me...wtf ???
But ya see...it took me 3 months to try to stop drinking or using
oneday at a time after my first meeting.
My gf i met in recovery...she taught she was doing good.
She tried to go save her getting high buds oneday...i drove up
and and saw her f-up out of her damn mind. I step on the
gas peddle and burned some tires..i was so pissed...
But ya see...my friend taught me a good lesson...I understood at that piont.
Those damn wars stories you hear sometimes in meetings...you know sometimes it's a trip..ESH.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
It sounds like I am like your ex girlfriend. Trying to help my friend and i end up F'd up.
I dont know what her story was, but for me it is just an excuse. I had no one with me last night that was doing anything to influence me in a negative way.
This morning I woke up with a huge hangover and an empty wallet. I am now broke for the week. I am more than disgusted with myself. I dont know what triggered me to start up again.
When I first started getting clean I stayed home most of the time like a total recluse. I felt safer that way and apparently I was right. seems like since the weather has gotten nicer and I want to go out around town I started picking up gain. everything in this town triggers me. I work acros the street from the bar so I see all the druggies and alkies daily.
But that isnt it. It is something deeper, its me.
I feel like such a loser today.
no one to blame I drank alone to the point that I couldnt get up for work and I have no idea why.
I am totally hating myself.
I should have never had that first one. I havent missed a day since.
Mornings after I drink my anxiety level increases. Today I am totally paranoid.
BIG MISTAKE.
I dont know what her story was, but for me it is just an excuse. I had no one with me last night that was doing anything to influence me in a negative way.
This morning I woke up with a huge hangover and an empty wallet. I am now broke for the week. I am more than disgusted with myself. I dont know what triggered me to start up again.
When I first started getting clean I stayed home most of the time like a total recluse. I felt safer that way and apparently I was right. seems like since the weather has gotten nicer and I want to go out around town I started picking up gain. everything in this town triggers me. I work acros the street from the bar so I see all the druggies and alkies daily.
But that isnt it. It is something deeper, its me.
I feel like such a loser today.
no one to blame I drank alone to the point that I couldnt get up for work and I have no idea why.
I am totally hating myself.
I should have never had that first one. I havent missed a day since.
Mornings after I drink my anxiety level increases. Today I am totally paranoid.
BIG MISTAKE.
Determined
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the verge of insanity
Posts: 330
Originally Posted by bfree4u
I feel like such a loser today.
BIG MISTAKE.
BIG MISTAKE.
I bet there are few people who have tried and succeeded to beat addiction at their first attempt. What is important is what you do and where you go from here.
You have loads of people who are here for you and wantyou to be safe and happy.
You can do this "just for today"
Stay strong and keep posting
hugs
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