sorry
 

I've really messed up I said I wouldn't drink whilst I started the anti-depressants and last nite I went out and got drunk I ended up feeling so bad that I poured hot water on my hand and then self harmed. After flushing my tabs down the toilet, I went out and got more my stomach is now in constent agony, my left kidney is hurting, my heads banging and I've messed up big time. I keep messing up. I'm sorry, i'm so useless and pathetic that I can't even care for myself.

Sorry.

Lost please to get a second opinion for your liver from a doctor ASAP

Lost, you need not apologize to us, rather we are just glad you came back and shared. We are all here because we are trying to get better, there are a lot of ways to do that, sometimes we need to keep trying until it just gets so painful we cannot do it anymore... other times, we have to go until it simply stops working... that was my method... booze just stopped working and all it did was made me feel bad... sorta like having anta abuse reaction to booze but without the anta abuse.

I am not going to beat around the bushes, you do need to make a decision, live or die. That is where you are at by the sounds of it. So what will your choice be?

I really hope that it will be to live.

Levi

my liver function test was ok considering but my kidney test showed damaged I had the test in november but I wasn't self medicating like i am now so the doc said she will have me do another "test"...although I was completely honest with her about what and how many tabs i'm taking a day :(

Levi I don't know, some hours I want to live, othertimes I want death the only thing I know for sure is i'm tierd from being in pain all the time and I just want it to stop.

I started self medicating after several failed attempts of od's, for some reason I got it in my head that clearly I was too suffer a painful death, that the biggest punishment at the moment is to live, so I started by taking 12 paracetmol everyday, then I introduced beechams (don't ask..), then panadol, then tramadol..

Sorry

lost,
half wanting to live and half wanting to die...that's a hell of a place to be.
okay..it's getting clearer..it's in your head.

You can't keep doing the samething and expect different results.
I know, the drugs and alcohol numbs the pain, but the side affects
are terriable..wanting to die, anxity , depression, then you wanna
get more numb to leviate the pain...it's a cycle of madness. i tried
to drink myself to death many times..
Yes...sick and tired of being sick and tired..

hang in there Lost...it'll get clearer.

The only person you need to apologize is to yourself. You're the one that deserves a great life. I know how it feels, being in the woods and trying to get out....

Get out of the woods, there is a quiet place....