I never saw that coming
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: ENGLAND
Posts: 557
I never saw that coming
Well I just got told by other half that I spend that much time on here that its worse than when i was pissed. K some questions I asked her:-
Am i now always able to help when the lads play up or am i so aggressive they run a mile.
Do I talk to you more now than ever, rather than make drunken chit chat.
Am I not still the main bread winner, but now you get to see all of the money and to use as you wish without me demanding that I need at least half.
Isn't it better that I sit here plonking away rather than be sprawled out sh1t faced on the sofa for hours or at least untill I wake for more alcohol.
Isn't it better that when we go out you know that i'm the one making decissions, not alcohol making me noisey, aggressive and making a fool of you.
Isn't it better that when your in the car you feel safe, rather than frightend for your life that ill crash.
Do I ever say no to going to where you want to, rather than finding exuses to stray no further than the corner shop for booze.
Isn't it better when I go to AA that I don't come back more screwed in the head than when I went and Stinking of drink.
Have I changed that much that you dont know me any more or is this new me a threat.
and on and on!!!!
I know that you codies will see her side of things but for us in recovery whats the reason for this outburst. Sh1t I thought I was changing for the better!.
My initial reaction was, " i'll show you what it used to be if you want " but as of yet my alkie head is still waiting in the wings, it's probably been waiting for this moment so as it can take me back to wence I came.
Oh she just added i'm to smart for my own good and think i'm to fkn clever for my own good as well.
k so what next for this Brummie alkie.
Am i now always able to help when the lads play up or am i so aggressive they run a mile.
Do I talk to you more now than ever, rather than make drunken chit chat.
Am I not still the main bread winner, but now you get to see all of the money and to use as you wish without me demanding that I need at least half.
Isn't it better that I sit here plonking away rather than be sprawled out sh1t faced on the sofa for hours or at least untill I wake for more alcohol.
Isn't it better that when we go out you know that i'm the one making decissions, not alcohol making me noisey, aggressive and making a fool of you.
Isn't it better that when your in the car you feel safe, rather than frightend for your life that ill crash.
Do I ever say no to going to where you want to, rather than finding exuses to stray no further than the corner shop for booze.
Isn't it better when I go to AA that I don't come back more screwed in the head than when I went and Stinking of drink.
Have I changed that much that you dont know me any more or is this new me a threat.
and on and on!!!!
I know that you codies will see her side of things but for us in recovery whats the reason for this outburst. Sh1t I thought I was changing for the better!.
My initial reaction was, " i'll show you what it used to be if you want " but as of yet my alkie head is still waiting in the wings, it's probably been waiting for this moment so as it can take me back to wence I came.
Oh she just added i'm to smart for my own good and think i'm to fkn clever for my own good as well.
k so what next for this Brummie alkie.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
hmmm..b*ggered if I know mate...I'm not in a relationship or I'd probably be getting a b*llocking too...
only thing I can suggest, if you haven't already tried, is to explain how important things like SR and AA are to you right now...just as an aside, what did she say to your list of questions...? Try and keep the communication channels open, I guess...?
of course, playing devils advocate here - it must be as scary for our loved ones to confront the changes occuring in us, as it is for ourselves...
and it is possible, if you're anything like me, you may be a tad obsessive/addicty
I need to drag myself kicking and whimpering off this thing sometimes and interact in the real world....
D
only thing I can suggest, if you haven't already tried, is to explain how important things like SR and AA are to you right now...just as an aside, what did she say to your list of questions...? Try and keep the communication channels open, I guess...?
of course, playing devils advocate here - it must be as scary for our loved ones to confront the changes occuring in us, as it is for ourselves...
and it is possible, if you're anything like me, you may be a tad obsessive/addicty
I need to drag myself kicking and whimpering off this thing sometimes and interact in the real world....
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
Originally Posted by chrisj728 
Hey D , to many expleatives to put on here when she replied to my questions. lol
and yes I to find it hard to get off here sometimes, guess I feel safe while here.thanx chris
look, I dunno...I guess the watchword is sobriety first, cos there probably won't be much left saving anyway otherwise, yeah ?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
I understand how important SR is - especially in early sobriety. When I was living with someone, he resented the time spent on my computer, period. I put myself in his shoes and thought maybe we could compromise. When he was here, I restricted my time online, and tried to spend time doing something he liked whether it was going out somewhere or watching a movie together. Then it was easier to come online and check in on the boards here for 20-30 minutes. It really wasn't necessary to sit here for hours to get a good dose of recovery.
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Sorry chris, thats got to hurt, my lover doesn't understand
the spouses feelings of jealousy over the time spent in recovery..She is glad I
come on here, and says thanks to all of you out there that help me, and that
I help....She is so supportive, I feel quilty....
But, sometimes, they feel we traded booze for something else...and they wanted
us to trade it for them,,,and feel a little jealous, think of the Sh-- they went through, while we were trying to deny our problems...
Bless you chris, you are doing the right things, hope3
the spouses feelings of jealousy over the time spent in recovery..She is glad I
come on here, and says thanks to all of you out there that help me, and that
I help....She is so supportive, I feel quilty....
But, sometimes, they feel we traded booze for something else...and they wanted
us to trade it for them,,,and feel a little jealous, think of the Sh-- they went through, while we were trying to deny our problems...
Bless you chris, you are doing the right things, hope3
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Chris,
As someone else said, no one likes change. It's very hard for us addicts to change our lives and it's also hard for our partners to see us change and to see their lives and our relationship changed. You do need to put your recovery first, but compromise can help.
As someone else said, no one likes change. It's very hard for us addicts to change our lives and it's also hard for our partners to see us change and to see their lives and our relationship changed. You do need to put your recovery first, but compromise can help.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
think of it this way, when you drank you had a very narrow range of behaviour ... you were readily predictable AND you were a great source of venting... after all, the whole world was your fault b/c you were a drunk.
Then you go and turn the world upside down. You stopped drinking. All of a sudden you have emotions besides anger and feeling ill. You suddenly are talking all the time instead of sitting glumly off by yourself getting pickled. You suddenly do things and you are suddenly NOT predictable.
Its sorta like this lady of mine, the fellow she was with before actually fought with her, abused her, etc. As a result she gained a lot of weight. She felt like crap. She ate to console herself because life was a daily misery. He complained she was too fat ta boot. Then she gets fed up. Stops with all the crap and gets back to herself. Suddenly a bunch of things happen that he doesn't like.... first she got her figure back and was once a gain a vital attractive bombshell (k, I'm biased!), she gained confidence (ohhh, not good b/c his abuse isn't being tolerated), she got fed up with his crap (oh, no longer predictable... she isn't eating ice cream and crying).
As sick as it sounds, sometimes there is "comfort" in the addiction because hey, "who else would want him" and "look at all I do for him, butthead can't even thank me", etc.
Make sense?
Levi
Then you go and turn the world upside down. You stopped drinking. All of a sudden you have emotions besides anger and feeling ill. You suddenly are talking all the time instead of sitting glumly off by yourself getting pickled. You suddenly do things and you are suddenly NOT predictable.
Its sorta like this lady of mine, the fellow she was with before actually fought with her, abused her, etc. As a result she gained a lot of weight. She felt like crap. She ate to console herself because life was a daily misery. He complained she was too fat ta boot. Then she gets fed up. Stops with all the crap and gets back to herself. Suddenly a bunch of things happen that he doesn't like.... first she got her figure back and was once a gain a vital attractive bombshell (k, I'm biased!), she gained confidence (ohhh, not good b/c his abuse isn't being tolerated), she got fed up with his crap (oh, no longer predictable... she isn't eating ice cream and crying).
As sick as it sounds, sometimes there is "comfort" in the addiction because hey, "who else would want him" and "look at all I do for him, butthead can't even thank me", etc.
Make sense?
Levi
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
I know that you codies will see her side of things but for us in recovery whats the reason for this outburst
I don't know if that answers your question. But for me, its all about my A being about HIM and HIS recovery
IMO,,
She needs to take care of her OWN recovery
Maybe some food for thought for her?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
You can read chapter 16 in the 4th edition of the BB.
Focus...focus.. chris
"focus on her good quilties"...it's a quote
"eventaully i had to redo the 12 steps with max (wife) in mind.
From the first saying "I'm powerless over alcohol and my home life is
unmanageable by me" to the twelfth. IN WHICH I TRIED TO THINK OF
HER AS A SICK AL-ANON and TREAT HER WITH THE LOVE I WOULD
GIVE A NEWCOMER. WHEN I DO THIS WE GET ALONE FINE."
well you know now newbies are...they have all the answer and
are smarter than hell
The family after.
The last couple of paragraph..an alki actaully relapsed becuase his wife
was naging, naging, naging..It got the Alki so T-off that he got drunk again.
No, he wasn't totally in the right..Well..you know...the "I'll show you"
Do you think Lois just nag BW to death sometimes ?lol
Lois is the founder of al-anon.lol
The last words in the chapter of the family after.
LIVE and let LIVE.
FIRST things FIRST
EASY dose IT.
Well it is mother's day and that's what roses are for.
it ain't never too late to run down to the nieghbor's yard and get some flowers.lol
Oki doki..she's probably not all right..but many there might be an ounce
of truth to what she said..lol
hang in there chirs...don't let the anger build up
woman???....gee wizz... I ain't going to figure them out.lol
Gatta love them tho.
Focus...focus.. chris
"focus on her good quilties"...it's a quote
"eventaully i had to redo the 12 steps with max (wife) in mind.
From the first saying "I'm powerless over alcohol and my home life is
unmanageable by me" to the twelfth. IN WHICH I TRIED TO THINK OF
HER AS A SICK AL-ANON and TREAT HER WITH THE LOVE I WOULD
GIVE A NEWCOMER. WHEN I DO THIS WE GET ALONE FINE."
well you know now newbies are...they have all the answer and
are smarter than hell
The family after.
The last couple of paragraph..an alki actaully relapsed becuase his wife
was naging, naging, naging..It got the Alki so T-off that he got drunk again.
No, he wasn't totally in the right..Well..you know...the "I'll show you"
Do you think Lois just nag BW to death sometimes ?lol
Lois is the founder of al-anon.lol
The last words in the chapter of the family after.
LIVE and let LIVE.
FIRST things FIRST
EASY dose IT.
Well it is mother's day and that's what roses are for.
it ain't never too late to run down to the nieghbor's yard and get some flowers.lol
Oki doki..she's probably not all right..but many there might be an ounce
of truth to what she said..lol
hang in there chirs...don't let the anger build up
woman???....gee wizz... I ain't going to figure them out.lol
Gatta love them tho.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Fk-it....that is the short form serenity prayer.
Drop it like you don't give a damn anymore..lol
well.. that'll be like letting go with all conviction...ain't it ?
The wisdom is...not to drink or get drunk NO MATTER WHAT
she might be right....I might be dead right if i get drunk .lol
Drop it like you don't give a damn anymore..lol
well.. that'll be like letting go with all conviction...ain't it ?
The wisdom is...not to drink or get drunk NO MATTER WHAT
she might be right....I might be dead right if i get drunk .lol
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 1,768
NOOOOOO chris, please put it down!!!!!!!!
Please???????????
She's one of the 3 reasons I stopped emailing you & talk to you on *****, becsause she gave you a cerfew. OMG chris, put it down now. Dump the rest out, email me on msn please!!!
Please???????????
She's one of the 3 reasons I stopped emailing you & talk to you on *****, becsause she gave you a cerfew. OMG chris, put it down now. Dump the rest out, email me on msn please!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 1,768
I hope you throw up on her!
no I dont. Please dont do this. Look how long it took me to get brave enough to get back to day 1. I felt like **** the whole time! It wasnt worth it at all!! If you do it you will be even more upset. Its not going to fix anything. Just make things worse.
no I dont. Please dont do this. Look how long it took me to get brave enough to get back to day 1. I felt like **** the whole time! It wasnt worth it at all!! If you do it you will be even more upset. Its not going to fix anything. Just make things worse.
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Don't say fk-it, say fk you I have to do this for me, so I won't drink....
she will understand one day, or not.....but please don't let this be the excuse
your other voice wants to hear....it won't solve anything....
hugs to you chris, hope3
she will understand one day, or not.....but please don't let this be the excuse
your other voice wants to hear....it won't solve anything....
hugs to you chris, hope3
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