I never saw that coming
Determined
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On the verge of insanity
Posts: 330
Hey Chris,
No point in worrying about what has happened anymore than there is point in me worrying about what might happen!!!(yip I know thats hard!!) You can't change it so don't dwell on it, look how far you have come and how quickly you realised what had happened and picked yourself up and got on with things again. And hey you even know what triggered it so you can stop it in the future (what a learning experience)
The sensible sober head will always shout louder than the alky one, you just sometimes have to listen harder, just at the start!! What a success for you today - and thats all we can work on "today"
Take it easy mate
No point in worrying about what has happened anymore than there is point in me worrying about what might happen!!!(yip I know thats hard!!) You can't change it so don't dwell on it, look how far you have come and how quickly you realised what had happened and picked yourself up and got on with things again. And hey you even know what triggered it so you can stop it in the future (what a learning experience)
The sensible sober head will always shout louder than the alky one, you just sometimes have to listen harder, just at the start!! What a success for you today - and thats all we can work on "today"
Take it easy mate
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 157
Codie here, I have had a similar issued with my ABF, I think between work, meetings, online time, etc. there was zero time left for the relationship. Being codie, after a long battle of addiction can leave you feeling shell shocked.
If she can get in Alanon it will help her. It definitely helped me, I worry about me now, not what he is doing. The switch has flipped, where now he feels threatened by me getting healthy. He can't manipulate me anymore.
It sounds like you are making wonderful changes, staying strong, and sober. Congratulations. Maybe a "date night" for your wife once a week would make her feel special. It helped me, made me feel like the relationship was special, and something to look forward to. Rebuilding positive memories.
Good luck, and hang in there.
If she can get in Alanon it will help her. It definitely helped me, I worry about me now, not what he is doing. The switch has flipped, where now he feels threatened by me getting healthy. He can't manipulate me anymore.
It sounds like you are making wonderful changes, staying strong, and sober. Congratulations. Maybe a "date night" for your wife once a week would make her feel special. It helped me, made me feel like the relationship was special, and something to look forward to. Rebuilding positive memories.
Good luck, and hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: ENGLAND
Posts: 557
Venusinlibra thanx for posting, when all this kicked off last Sunday morning I was going to put this thread up on the codie board but I was having enough trouble removing the knives out of my back here at home without having any more thrust in (metorphoricaly).
So I put it here were I felt safe, cuz like you say I have to put me first to save us in the long run. But I am now trying to spend more time not wrapped in cotton wool and more time integrating back into family life, just for today!
chris
So I put it here were I felt safe, cuz like you say I have to put me first to save us in the long run. But I am now trying to spend more time not wrapped in cotton wool and more time integrating back into family life, just for today!
chris
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 157
She will really appreciate Chris. Being a woman, it is the small stuff that means the most. A sweet note, text message, helping out with dinner, telling her she looks pretty, etc.
When she is having a bad day, obsessing about stupid stuff, she will think of the sweet things you are doing. It took me awhile for ABF being so nice, but now I really appreciate it. When we have a bad day, I think about the nice things we have had in the last few weeks, and it gives me hope.
Hope, faith, and love will get you through the hard times.
When she is having a bad day, obsessing about stupid stuff, she will think of the sweet things you are doing. It took me awhile for ABF being so nice, but now I really appreciate it. When we have a bad day, I think about the nice things we have had in the last few weeks, and it gives me hope.
Hope, faith, and love will get you through the hard times.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Just another share...in the beginning of the book Coedepency No More...the wife
was depressed, no motivation, had to pull herself out of bed each morning and
each afternoon before the kids got home...
Husband safely and happily in AA....
She thought she was going crazy...
"Why am I not happy?" "Isn't this what I wanted?"
She realized suddenly that she had been so numb or frozen in her feelings for
so long...that she now could feel them with the absence of the active phase
of her husband's addictions...and she was plain freakin' mad!!!
It's a phase or stage of recovery for the codependent.
Uhh don't know if that helps..but it's a thought...
Love,
IO
was depressed, no motivation, had to pull herself out of bed each morning and
each afternoon before the kids got home...
Husband safely and happily in AA....
She thought she was going crazy...
"Why am I not happy?" "Isn't this what I wanted?"
She realized suddenly that she had been so numb or frozen in her feelings for
so long...that she now could feel them with the absence of the active phase
of her husband's addictions...and she was plain freakin' mad!!!
It's a phase or stage of recovery for the codependent.
Uhh don't know if that helps..but it's a thought...
Love,
IO
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: ENGLAND
Posts: 557
Thanx both, storm! I guess last sunday I got wrapped up in " why isn't she happy ,isn't it what she wanted " then the alkie head took over and the built up torment of 133 days made me explode and say fk it. I'll order that book, I think it's a good idea to see the other perspective and at least today i've become teachable.
chris
chris
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Hi chris, glad you are hashing out your day to
day changes, thats what it's like, changes....
Are the hardest thing for humans to get used to...
I love that you are back at the sober walk...hope3
day changes, thats what it's like, changes....
Are the hardest thing for humans to get used to...
I love that you are back at the sober walk...hope3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: ENGLAND
Posts: 557
QUOTE=chrisj728;1329933]well there u go hope, i've fkt it so there u r c ya 2moz, long way bak lol[/QUOTE]
Thanks hope!!, and may I appologise for the above reply to your post last Sunday. It was uncalled for as you were only standing in my corner.
But I will take the experience gained last week and put it in my toolbag for future use if required.
Shoot I've got a week under my belt again now and I'm so determined to return to the freedom I was experiencing up untill day 133 of my last recovery.
chris
Thanks hope!!, and may I appologise for the above reply to your post last Sunday. It was uncalled for as you were only standing in my corner.
But I will take the experience gained last week and put it in my toolbag for future use if required.
Shoot I've got a week under my belt again now and I'm so determined to return to the freedom I was experiencing up untill day 133 of my last recovery.
chris
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