xXBacktoBlackXx

In addition to this board (which has saved me from relapsing a number of times, thanks to the wonderful and supportive people here), I just saw something that saved me from relapsing. I was really bored and decided to read a friends' blog. She apparently held a party at their house and it was a disaster. She had pics to accompany the disaster she described. Strangers that she didn't know showed up, one of them being completely ****** up on alcohol, coke, and pills. She made a complete ass of herself, stripping down in the living room, falling all over the place, and also wrecked personal items of my friends and snorted coke off of one of them. There are pics posted of people looking completely ****** out of their mind. This post made me realize that I no longer want to be "that person" at the party that completely disrespects other people and makes a complete ass out of myself. Reading that post also made me realize why I don't want to relapse; it only allows people to see one side of yourself. I mean, as much as I realize this girl at the party ****** with my friends' personal items, I also feel really badly for her because I bet you anything that's not how she really is. So often, we seem to want to be someone other than we are, which is maybe why we drink and/or take drugs (or used to), but I've gotten to the point where I realize I don't want to not be myself. Whenever I see these pics of people acting out of control, I cringe because I 1. recognize that's how I used to be and 2. feel sorry for them because I know how horrible they probably feel.

Now that I've experienced drug and alcohol abuse, whenever I see the glamourization of both in the media, I only shake my head. The attempt at making both seem beautiful and like the rockstar thing to do, in reality looks like the pics of this girl that were posted on the blog. It just looks completely pathetic. I don't wanna be that anymore.

Stormtooth

Black Box,

I cringe when I se drunk people also. I have probably done every one of those terrible things you describe that girl doing myself.

To say I made an ass of myself is beyond number. Yes, it was not me, but yes it was also me.

Seeing people drunk and the blank stare they have, or even worse seeing derilicts, really drives home a message to me.

It is not moral indignation. It is self-disgust sometimes, because that's what I looked like to other people.

That keeps me going sometimes, too.

teej

Thanks, just reading you talk about it helps me too!!

weatherfreak

Reminders like you just posted are so helpful because they make me want to dig my heels in further, so I never go back to what I was like. Thanks for sharing that, It was a very real description of me in full flight.

Also, today is mothers day, so I'll have to experience it first hand by watching my father slaughter himself at lunch, my sister too and maybe even my brother in law. I wont pick up because I'll watch them for as long as I can handle it then leave for a meeting at 5 tonight. I'm going for my mum because it's also her birthday. I can't believe how quickly I have become disgusted by drunk people. It makes me shudder because I'm just like them when I drink.

So B2B thanks for making me gain the insight and will power not to pick up a drink today. I owe you one.

die tryin

The program is ine of action..It helps to see things that help as realize that we don't want to be that way antmore..Now,,take action and form a plan to ensure you don't end up in that situation...