I thought I'd finally got it...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: connecticut
Posts: 8
I thought I'd finally got it...
I found this web site last Friday night... while drunk actually. I had woken up last Saturday morning so hungover & defeated...
I spent that day on my couch, reading posts on all of the forums & forgiving myself for being a slug instead of being outside in the sunshine doing yardwork & making good use of my time... I found the inspiration to remain sober all week from reading the posts here. In fact, I was waiting 'til today to finally add a post "of thanks" saying that I'd finally gotten 1 week sober. Well... I did get that 1 week ... but before I could do my post, I went to the package store (as it's called here in CT) & now, I'm drunk again.)
I would appreciate any help from anyone who lives alone... I know that alot of my problem with staying sober is from loneliness... I have 2 beautiful daughters ( just got great Mother's Day cards from them) but they live far away... Their Dad ( my ex ) passed away last August and I've been trying to help THEM cope with it as well as dealing with the fact that this was the guy I'd been with since 1969... we were together for 25 years & it wasn't till we split up in '95 that I even started to drink. Alcohol was never a part of our lives. I go to AA meetings & have found that I'm somewhat of a rareity... a middle-aged starter... but when it started... whoa!!! It was relentless...
Who knows what comes first... the chicken or the egg...
In 3 years, I've lost my brother,my father,my best friend, both of my sisters-in-laws,my niece,2 uncles & aunts & my husband to cancer... and the result of this for me ? I "pity pottyed" myself into 3 DUI's which resulted in so much ##$###%... including ( @ one point in house arrest ) which I THOUGHT WAS ROUGH to REAL prison for 4 months... In Fact, I got out of prison a year ago in April & since then I've been trying to rebuild my life & I have to a major extent... but Im a phoney cuz I have to be to certain people in order to live my life
My Mother fell( she's 87) & broke her shoulder in 4 places & demanded that I be there 4 her.
Then my daughter called ( her Dad had moved in with her w/his cancer)
And of course, I went there to be with him... & I have to say that in the last week of his life, it was me & my daughter that he was living with & our other daughter
I spent that day on my couch, reading posts on all of the forums & forgiving myself for being a slug instead of being outside in the sunshine doing yardwork & making good use of my time... I found the inspiration to remain sober all week from reading the posts here. In fact, I was waiting 'til today to finally add a post "of thanks" saying that I'd finally gotten 1 week sober. Well... I did get that 1 week ... but before I could do my post, I went to the package store (as it's called here in CT) & now, I'm drunk again.)
I would appreciate any help from anyone who lives alone... I know that alot of my problem with staying sober is from loneliness... I have 2 beautiful daughters ( just got great Mother's Day cards from them) but they live far away... Their Dad ( my ex ) passed away last August and I've been trying to help THEM cope with it as well as dealing with the fact that this was the guy I'd been with since 1969... we were together for 25 years & it wasn't till we split up in '95 that I even started to drink. Alcohol was never a part of our lives. I go to AA meetings & have found that I'm somewhat of a rareity... a middle-aged starter... but when it started... whoa!!! It was relentless...
Who knows what comes first... the chicken or the egg...
In 3 years, I've lost my brother,my father,my best friend, both of my sisters-in-laws,my niece,2 uncles & aunts & my husband to cancer... and the result of this for me ? I "pity pottyed" myself into 3 DUI's which resulted in so much ##$###%... including ( @ one point in house arrest ) which I THOUGHT WAS ROUGH to REAL prison for 4 months... In Fact, I got out of prison a year ago in April & since then I've been trying to rebuild my life & I have to a major extent... but Im a phoney cuz I have to be to certain people in order to live my life
My Mother fell( she's 87) & broke her shoulder in 4 places & demanded that I be there 4 her.
Then my daughter called ( her Dad had moved in with her w/his cancer)
And of course, I went there to be with him... & I have to say that in the last week of his life, it was me & my daughter that he was living with & our other daughter
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi Leeds. Congratulations on the week. I tried for years to get that far.
As for living alone, as a fellow 'loner' I have two words - keep busy. If you allow yourself too much time to think and wallow and think 'gee, I'm lonely/sad/tired/bored' it's that much easier for the little voice to pipe up and suggest a drink or two to make things better. Of course, it doesn't !!
wish you well and hope to see you around some more
D
As for living alone, as a fellow 'loner' I have two words - keep busy. If you allow yourself too much time to think and wallow and think 'gee, I'm lonely/sad/tired/bored' it's that much easier for the little voice to pipe up and suggest a drink or two to make things better. Of course, it doesn't !!
wish you well and hope to see you around some more
D
Keep trying. I am. We'll get it right.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
I know that alot of my problem with staying sober is from loneliness
I found fellowship in the rooms of AA. Maybe you should try it. It's scary to walk in there the first time, but I bet more than a few approach you if you just stick out your hand once. I thought I didn't want to be around others, I was wrong.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi Leeds,
Welcome and you have a great place to visit for support and inspiration.
I started drinking in middle-age too and it hit me like a brick. Since I've been sober, I love being alone. In fact it's essential for my balance. Have you ever considered doing volunteer work?
Welcome and you have a great place to visit for support and inspiration.
I started drinking in middle-age too and it hit me like a brick. Since I've been sober, I love being alone. In fact it's essential for my balance. Have you ever considered doing volunteer work?
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
Welcome
Loneliness is a gut-wrenching feeling. I guess addiction is a consequence of that void.On my short time of learning i have found out only a very deep digging can find the peace we need to win this fight. I am sad to hear you have to deal with those sad events. Some years of our lives just seem like everything is devastating. I believe you will soon see a light at the end of the tunnel, because you are worth it. And you really aren't alone. You have somebody: You. And we're also here for you any time.
Tonight i was thinking if it would ever be alright, this emptiness i have. I realized it has got to be alright one day. It is about justice. And i believe that for anyone. Being sober is hard, but as the stages get higher the emptiness will after a little time begin to transform in confidence.Being alone is also an amazing way to be in company of one's self. I know it's gut wrenching but all we have is the belief that the sun will shine over the storm.Believe, wait....and it will come
Loneliness is a gut-wrenching feeling. I guess addiction is a consequence of that void.On my short time of learning i have found out only a very deep digging can find the peace we need to win this fight. I am sad to hear you have to deal with those sad events. Some years of our lives just seem like everything is devastating. I believe you will soon see a light at the end of the tunnel, because you are worth it. And you really aren't alone. You have somebody: You. And we're also here for you any time.
Tonight i was thinking if it would ever be alright, this emptiness i have. I realized it has got to be alright one day. It is about justice. And i believe that for anyone. Being sober is hard, but as the stages get higher the emptiness will after a little time begin to transform in confidence.Being alone is also an amazing way to be in company of one's self. I know it's gut wrenching but all we have is the belief that the sun will shine over the storm.Believe, wait....and it will come
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: connecticut
Posts: 8
Thank you for your good, wise thoughts... I need to sleep now & will ,hopefully, wake up tomorrow with a renewed spirit... Sometimes I think to myself, "What the H***, I'm better off if I just don't wake up"... but then I remember that my kids just lost their Dad a few months ago & so I couldn't do this to them to. They don't live close by & think that I'm sober & happy now. It hurts so bad to decieve them but the truth would, I think @ this time hurt them even worse... Need to go to bed now & sleep. Tomorrow is another day. ( Sober, I pray )
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
leeds - welcome!
I hope you decide to return to AA ... or someplace where you can find fellowship.
GP is right - it's the drinking that isolates us. Not the other way around.
It's not that hard to make the call.
You never have to drink again.
I hope you decide to return to AA ... or someplace where you can find fellowship.
GP is right - it's the drinking that isolates us. Not the other way around.
It's not that hard to make the call.
You never have to drink again.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
