JEI2950

Well anyone who has read any of my posts in three months , can recognize a pattern , and you probably seen this post coming , but here goes ........ No ,I didn't relapse . I am grateful to say that I am 17 DAYS clean and in thirteen more will have 30 Days . But it's my other issue say it with me " Wife2Be " she is still as emotionless as can be , yesterday she felt the need to F**k Up an other wise good day . We were having a discussion , she voiced an opinion ,I disagreed and the Flood Gates of Hell opened up , she became unneccesarilly angry with me and started yelling at me , shuting down shortly after , and then the patented silent treatment began . Do women get some form of compensation in return for accessing and appliying this proccedure ? If so , she's a millionare . then after I APOLOGIZED for upseting HER by not agreeing with her . , time passed and we went to lunch , she became irrational because I said that she gave me too much food , 2ND time . 3rd time occured when we arrived home and I wanted to discuss what had happened earlier and how we could possibly come to some better understanding of it all . again yell, shut down , silent treatment , Why does she choose now to try and make things difficult for me ,is it because I have a little time in and she sees me making efforts and because of some deep seated resentment she still carries , she has to externalize this feeling by finding things , anything to get upset about . Yesterday , in class we read the story " Who moved my Cheese "? and honestly folks , I am starting to see that my cheese has been moved . Just venting again , I am going back to thinking only of recovery , go in service , pray , attend classes , continue to work on my relationship with my children and let go and let God with Wife2BE , It's just really hard ....... with what's left of the heart she ripped out of my chest . JEI

IO Storm

JEI.....

Honestly..I think she just doesn't know how to "take you" sober.

It sounds like you are doing the right things....keep close contact

right now with your sponsor. Oh yeh, she might be a tad jealous of

your Program. It is normal and will pass. I suggest you read the

chapter in the Big Book..The Family Afterward....it's an eye opener for sure.

Love,

:

Sherry

JEI2950

Good Morning , Sherry (fellow insomniacs ) I don't know what to make of things now , I mean your point about her being jealous and not being able to take me sober could very well be the case . I have been praying for my recovery and have envisioned and seen materialize ALL that I have prayed for , except her . Is it reasonable to think that mabey this wasn't meant to be ? I firmly believe that if God (as I understand him ) would want me to be happy and mabey it's his way of saying that we aren't destined to be together , she is always sneaking around deleting e-mail messages , making secret phone calls , this morning she posted sexually explicit cartoons and describes herself in her personality profile on myspace as horny , come on !! the whole myspace community sees that not to mention our children log on to her site as well. Just recently I was told that when she went to see family last week , that she left the residence went around the corner and stayed for hours leaving the children at her families house .when she returned home that evening the makeup that she wore going out the door was no longer there , her hair which she carefully styled for a half an hour , now looked as if she was in a wind tunnel . How can I ignore these things especially when I prayed for GOD to show me the truth in my situation ? Is it unreasonable to think that my time has passsed and she may be seeking / found a new relationship but is having difficulty saying goodbye to me , she cannot maintain this house without my income , I make more than her on unemployment . the bills are in my name , the furniture , I bought , the car I paid for , this computer is mine , mabey it's not me that she will have difficulty saying goodbye to , she has 5 children by 4 different men ,(all drug dealers, abusers jailbirds and general dead beats ) who else is going to come in and take responsibility but me. I am trying to see things different Sherry, but honestly when can I read the writing on the wall? I am just so tired of fooling myself , with what's left . love JEI

Rowan

Jei,

Regardless of whether you're with your wife or you're not - regardless of whether she 'gets it' or not - regardless of anything ,really, you can keep the focus on you and on your recovery - and stay clean and sober.
When we get caught up in the drama of life, especially in our intimate relationships, it can really distract us from getting well. I learned this the hard way.
We need to stay focused on our shortcomings, and on what areas we have been deficient. Do that, and her own may become less glaring.
My best to you.

Rowan

SaTiT

Hang in there Jei,
Some people like dramma in general or we just got use to living that way.
Changes is hard or different for everyone.
As you said , the best you can do now is focus on yourself and yor children,
and try to get well. Lead the way.
Our family needs recovery as well....sometimes even more.
There's Al-anon , CoDA, Narc-anon...support groups for families.
You can tried to suggest these things. It works in the sameway as your
recovery..she has to want to do it for herself.
I do both program becuase my gf is a recoverying alki also.

The best you can do now is just do it for youself or focus on yourself.

JEI2950

I know that this is a real problem for me because , Just now I had entertained thoughts of using for the first time in 17 days , I am trying to remain focused and I have called my sponsor , I am awaiting his call , I don't know how to ignore these problems but for now I keep repeating NO MATTER WHAT !!!

Jwife22

Hi Jei---

This is just my opinion so folks take what you like and leave the rest. I am the wife of a recovering addict. I would be mean and give my husband the silent treatment at times and for me, what it took was finding my own recovery program and even with that I'd still slip. For me, it was because I was so used to him getting clean for a couple of weeks or a month and going to NA or other meetings only to mess up and relapse AGAIN.

After going through this a few times, I'd become resentful of him when he was clean because I was already planning in my mind for him to relapse. I wanted him to feel like sh*t a little bit when he was clean because I wanted him to understand how I felt when he was using. I know that this is unhealthy behavior for me and him.

This changed when I started working a program and learned that I couldn't carry around resentments or they'd eat me alive. I learned how to deal with my resentments and how to forgive. I started working my program and letting him work his. I stopped trying to CONTROL his actions. I stopped trying to be his mother. Of course, I still slip up sometimes even now that hes got quite a few months clean.

I no longer wait on him to mess up, I no longer hold those very high expectations of him because for me expectations=disappointment=resentment.

I don't know about the unfaithfulness, if she is being unfaithful but I understand the anger and pain that she might be expressing to you.

Its something you can't fix, she'll have to. I thought if my H just got clean that I'd be fine.....I was wrong.

(((jei))) I hope it gets worked out for you and don't use over it......

Lollipop

((((Jei)))))

Life can be scarey and very eye opening when sober. Early on, emotions run high and we sometimes forget how to deal with problems while sober, the easiest way to fix that (we think) is grab that DOC and NOT deal with the truth for awhile. We also know that by doing this...... the truth is still there but we have just prolonged the impossible!!!!

follow your heart but use your head and HP to guide you. Stay strong and do NOT drink/use, we both know it doesnt help and only makes things worse!
Stay strong, hold fast and no matter what, remember YOU first!! Congrats on 17!!! WTG!!! Lets make it 18 ok? Stay with us and post away!!! Vent, rant, cry, and share with us!!! This has helped me to NOT drink so many times.....let us help you my friend!!!

~HUGS!~ Liss

citychick

Jei, maybe It's a monthly thing combined with a big full moon. Women can be emotional and irritable. lol

JEI2950

Talked to my sponsor and he gave me good advise , and of course I followed it , DON'T USE no matter what ! and SR family , I didn't . I was tempted though , for the first time in 17 days and it scared the hell out of me , Thankfully , I chose a different course of action than I am used to . I faced my first real test and I PASSED , also I talked to the Wife she has gave me an incite into what she is going through , and you guys were right , the transition that I am making has taken her aback and she expressed her love for me and she acknowledged my progress but is reluctant to offer any encouragement for fear of having further heartbreak and pain . She has endured a lot , and I'm going to try to give her as much space as she requires and will work on patience ,it's hard though but anything worth having is worth fighting for , Thanx to all of you for caring enough to post replies , and you are loved and appreciated for doing so ,you guys really helped me today , NOW !! ON TO NUMBER 18 !!! with a better understanding , love JEI

Rowan

Proud of you. Keep at it - it'll get better.