Surrender63

I'm new in recovery and had a feeling that my sponser wasn't right for me. We had met to go over the first step and we were chatting beforehand and I heared and felt red flags going off in my head about some inappropriate sexual stuff. I'm doing much better without a current sponser and have a sister in the program that offers me alot of experience, strenght and hope. I'll be looking for a sponser that can just "be there" for me without being on a power trip. I go to at least one meeting a day sometimes 2-3 on my days off and get so much out of the power of the group. What has been your experience regarding your sponser or lack there of? 21 days today.

parentrecovers

congrats on 21 days, c in d! no experience to share on sponsorship. i've only had one for a few months, and it is going well.

but about the sexual stuff - was the sponsor of the same sex? they say it's best to have one of the same sex..

hope this helps, k

Rowan

While I can appreciate that you have a sister in recovery, and that your past sponsor wasn't a good fit, I urge you to continue looking for one.
There are things that are not appropriate to share in the rooms, and a sponsor is there for those instances. It's also someone to help keep you accountable - someone to 'check in' with regularly. Even if you don't decide to do your 5th step with a sponsor, it's still always a good idea to have one.
Be open. Be willing. Be teachable.
Hang on to that precious sobriety.

Rowan

CarolD

The best advice I can give you is to read
"Questions & Answers on Sponsorship"

Look on the free literature rack in meetings.

I also suggest you find a sponsor of the same gender.
to keep things simple.

Glad you are here....

Astro

Yay! CarolD is back!!

After reading this brochure I had a clear understanding of what the 12th Step is about, what to expect from my sponsor, and my responsibilities to my sponsees.

Same sex is a plus, family members are good for sharing but not for sponsoring.

TINLIZZY

CID -

I can only answer for myself . .

I have a sponsor with 23 years sobriety; I have 34 days. She is there for me to answer questions, keep me accountable, and give me direction. There have been times when I just "didn't feel" like going to a meeting, but I knew that she would be there, and guess where I ended up - at the meeting! She has been there to bounce ideas off of, to encourage me, and hold my hand. We'll soon begin reading the BB page by page. Invaluable!!

In my opinion, a sponsor of the same sex is critical. I know my husband would have a serious problem if I were running out to meet "Bob" instead of an older woman 3-4 times per week!!

TinLizzy

SaTiT

Be careful, no matter what sex.
Remember a sponsor is suppose to help you, not take
advanage you. While I might like a lot of things my sponsor
tells me sometimes..Most of the time..it's read the book,
pray, write, go home and clean house, help someone,
go to meetings, work my steps, or call him.
I've never had to mow his yard,wash his car, or paint his house.
Obviousely, I'm not going to have sex with him.

My sponsors had never forced me to do anything.
For some reason, none of them never gave me any especific
answers. Only suggestions and their experince , strength and
hope and the principles of recovery. Most of the time they
just listen to me whine and encourage me then tell me to read and
write.

Sponsorship is a two way street. In a sense, it keeps the
sponsor grounded in the program.
Also remember they are only humans and not perfect.

None of my psonors are adbrasive. I don't need
anyone screaming at me or putting me down. While my sponsors
might piont out my flaws or shortcomings...there's is a differents
of being mean or sarcastic.

You can also look for a temp sponsor

nogard

Same Sex is a must for me and having a sponsor is also a must for me, so valuable, priceless.

A few days ago I became a sponsor

What an honour, a pleasure and a priviledge.

Kevin

hopeOct31

My first sponsor wasn't such a good experience. She only wanted to talk about her own problems and at one point she wanted me to wash her car as part of the step work? I've never heard that one before.

I got a new sponsor after about six months and the relationship I have with my new sponsor is better than I could have imagined. She helps me so so much. If I had known how it is really supposed to work I wouldn't have stayed with my first sponsor so long. The program I have now is completely different and so much better than before.

I would encourage you to give sponsorship another try. Sometimes sponsors and sponsees just don't fit.

All my best, HopeOct31.

livefree

Thanks for bringing up the topic of sponsorship. I feel like I should have a sponsor by now. I'm only 47 days sober, but still I know I've been dragging my feet on this. I know who I want to ask, but she's got final papers due this week and she's been stressed the past week or so. Plus, I don't feel very confident that I'd be able to end it if I didn't like having her as a sponsor.... but I guess that's just another one of my excuses covering up procrastination and fear of commitment.