cyberwolf

Hi,

Was my birthday on Friday and I had way too much to drink Friday and Saturday. I had tried a couple of weeks ago to stop drinking as hangovers are hell, anxiety is awful and I want to be happy again!! Woke up today and decided enough is enough only I can change things so here I am ...16 hours since last drink (3 bottles of wine plus vodka last night) am drinking lots of water but feel really lousy very very anxious (too anxious to even walk the dog - like what is going to happen to me out there!!?) want to cry, am worried that something terrible will happen when I go to my bed - how silly is all that but I am going to get through today then worry about tomorrow!!

HAve read through some of the posts and think that you guys are all remarkable, I want to be like you, I want to succeed I want to be free!!

thanks for reading

Toomutch

Hello Cyberwolf,

I know exactly what you are going through; a week age this morning I woke up wishing I were dead. I had a least 8 martinis, not really sure because I live with blackouts at least 3 or 4 times a week, and was drinking everyday. I'm not sure what finally made me stay sober for a week now; but I do know that without God it wouldnt be possible.

Your day will get easier; you may not sleep well tonight; but tomorrow will be a bit brighter; as will each day after... It wont be easy, but it will be brighter.

Glad you're here

~Toomutch

chicago

this is all you had to say. i know what your talking about! if i was happy while drinking i wouldnt be in AA. but i wasnt. my suggestion is locate an AA meeting and tell them its your first ever in life. they will show you the way. welcome home!

cyberwolf

thanks hopefully in 7 days I can say the same as you. Well done to you for a week. I really hope I can get some sleep. My B'friend is coming round at 7am tomorrow and we are meant to be going out for the day (doubt that will happen!! He knows I drink a lot but doesn't know that I have decided its a problem) I am thinking that its only 10 hours till he comes round which is only 600 minutes and then I won't be on my own!!!

I read your reply and wanted to cry!! think my emotions are shot, though surprisingly I don't actually want to drink - the only slight thought is that it might help me sleep and take the edge of this horrible feeling but I am not going to, sitting here thinking about things I have concluded that if I burnt my hand or had a blister on my foot that would be my bodies way of ensuring I did it no further damage, it could be sore for weeks if it was bad enough, so this horrible feeling is the same its my bodies way of trying to ensure I don't do any more damage!!

thanks

Daniel1965

Cyberwolf,

Hello. I was where you are less than 2 weeks ago. I was drinking heavily for days and not eating--killing myself. I also made a decision to quit, and take proactive steps thereafter. I'm following through with my plan.

I can tell you your emotional and physical symptoms mirror mine precisely, if that's any consolation. I have survived it, though I did have assistance from my Doctor.

I wish the best for you and don't worry about the night. Light will come soon enough and you'll be 24 hrs sober. A great accomplishment.

xXBacktoBlackXx

Cyberwolf, congrats on deciding to stop. I completely understand the anxiety issue. I still have anxiety (I'm also newly sober) and it's a horrible feeling. You feel as if you can't really live your life; you're always scared. I've been assured that these feelings will pass. Right now, just stay sober and eventually, the rest will come too.

Toomutch

Try to remember if you pick up that drink to sleep; you will have to go through the same he## again and again.

Talk to your doctor about meds. Mine put me on librium and it takes that panicky edge off. And as Daniel and I both stated, the light will come.

~Toomutch

cyberwolf

Gee thanks to everyone (I have even sussed out the thanks icon) I have had an anxiety problem for a year or so now and I had decided that it was probably due to my drinking I was just to D*$n scared to admit that I had a real problem with Drink - My mum also drinks way too much and has done for as long as I can remember (though that is by no means an excuse I make my own decisions in klife - she had more than me yestreday and is feeling fine today in fact is on whisky watching tv when I phoned her!!!!)

Anyways,...I have medication from the doc which I have not used as it sadi onn the leaflet not to be taken with alcohol!! - so in my stupid train of thought I havn't used the med so that I could DRINK!!! - who says humans are intelligent!! I have beta blockers 80mg and 5mg valiums but I am a bit scared to try them - what if I don't wake up!! - yes I know thats unrealistic and is probably based round the whole anxiety thing thats going on!!

I am so determined this time but reading the posts in forums I am determined that tonight I will not drink (not even to sleep - I am off work tomorrow so hey If I don't sleep so what there is all day tomorrow!!), and then tomorrow will be a new day when the light comes with a bit of luck!!!

Thanks everyone

leeds

You feel as if you can't really live your life; you're always scared...


You expressed what I've been feeling for so long. I just found this web.site last night & have been so relieved to read what everyone has written... that things will get better... that the anxiety & fear will begin to fade... I drank myself into a blackout this past Friday night & have spent the whole weekend in the house trying to get my thoughts sorted out. I'm going to an AA meeting tonight.

I've been in & out of AA for 4 years with my longest period of sobriety being 7 months. However, when I relapsed after my 7 months I got a DUI that resulted in the loss of my driver's license for life & I spent 4 months in prison. It's been a year since I got out of prison & I look back at this past year & know that I have a lot to be grateful for. Ironically, I got the DUI after I had passed out in my car in my own driveway... the car was off but the keys were still in the ignition.

I don't want to lose anything else to alcohol. I'm so glad this web.site is here. It's already giving me hope & inspiration.

Daniel1965

I was taking beta blockers and Librium(same as valium, just a bit older). Please follow your drs orders. You will be okay if you take the meds as prescribed...you'll wake up etc... and once you begin the valium you'll lose the desire for alcohol, and you will begin to heal. You're right about not mixing those meds with alcoho...cannot do it, so you must make a choice: 1)continue to drink or 2)initiate recovery? For me, it wasn't a difficult choice because i wanted to live, and I wouldn't if I continued to drink.

Keep drinking copious amounts of water and try to eat if you haven't been doing so.

Anna

Hi Cyberwolf,

It sounds like you're ready to make a big change in your life and it's scary. But, your attitude is excellent. Just try to get through each day, hour, minute, however best you can. And, if your dr prescribed meds for you, then taking them is probably a good idea. Keep reading and posting.

Alive

Welcome....when it gets hard remember that too shall pass.

Rowan

Cyberwolf,

Welcome to SR - I'm so glad you found us. So many here understand the struggles of trying to stop drinking. Please keep posting.

Rowan

Missymae737

Cyberwolf,

Welcome to this great place called SR...You will be ok...Keep posting.

A word of caution? Librium, valium are benzodiazapam medications...They are mind altering and can become very addictive...As others have said take as prescribed, and as soon as you can, stop the usage...I am sure you don't want to trade one addiction(alcohol), for another...

Ten years ago I had to go to Rehab because of prescribed medications. Zanax was my life for nine months. When I decided I wanted to quit, I couldn't on my own..This was partly due to the self dosing whenever I felt "upset". Addiction...Let me tell you, that was the worse withdrawal ever>>>I asked God to take me on the fourth day...

So gald you are here... You can do this....

nogard

welcome to SR CW

Daniel1965

Excellent words of caution about the benzos and potential for cross-addiction. BTW, unable to reply to your pm because of some rule about being a member for a day or sum such. But not to worry-- I'm sure there was a good reason to confuse me with someone else. I'm most certainly Daniel. Just pleased you didn't call me "Shirley".

leviathon

Hi CW, welcome to SR.

The bad things are not all that bad... you will be restless and have difficulty sleeping for a bit; you will be irritable for a bit; you will be remorseful at times for things you did that you regret ... then...

You become happier, you find things in life to be full of fun and wonder and life just keeps getting better.

Cheers, Levi

cyberwolf

Hi all
Made it through the night! I'm not sure if I just keep adding to this post or if this was just supposed to be a kind of "I am new here" can someone let me know?, but anyway have just got up and had banana and water for breakfast. B'friend wants to go do something today though he appeared at 7ish and is sound asleep just now!!!. I am not so keen on the doing anything/going out!

I feel a bit surreal today, but not quite as tearful. Everything feels a bit like its under a bit of a haze! I am still very anxious,, but not sure what about, I think about walking to shop to get cat food then kind of freak out in my head that what if something awful happens!!

I did get to sleep last night eventually though I sweated buckets and buckets and felt like I was on the verge of having really shaky legs (like when you try to do clutch control in your driving test!!)

I am now worrying about work tomorrow aswell. I know this decision of mine is the best and I know it won't be easy but how long before I start to feel just a we bit better?, though I know it will be a really individual thing. Hopefully I can manage food today, yestreday was the 1st day in probably about 6 years that I havn't had a drink normally I would have between one or two beers right up to ridiculous amounts eg 2 - 3 bottles of wine.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read my posts and thanks to those who gave me words of welcome and advice. Think I will try smiling today see if I can convince myself I will be happy.

CW

CarolD

Hi and Welcome CW....

Usually the alcohol de tox physically is 3 or 4 days.


I suggest you check out this link for interesting info...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Glad to see a new member!

Rusty Zipper

CW thats the most important thing... "Want"

good wishes CW

xxoo, Z