Toomutch

One week ago this morning I woke up not realizing what happened to me; where exactly i had been; and basically wishing I were dead. Although this is not an uncommon situation for me; I knew at this time it had to end.

I am obviously not the person any of you would be looking to for advice, after such a short sobriety; but here it is anyway... It is about a book I am reading; and other than this awsome site and all of the loving individuals I have met on this site, the book that has been helping me through is Hiding From Love "How to Change the Withdrawl Patterns That Isolate and Imprison you" By Dr. John Townsend.

I have always been the type that dosn't feel as if I fit in anywhere; so I isolate myself. However when I drink it changes my brain chemistry enough that I am the life of the party (and I mean the dancing on the tables type).

One of the many quotes I have found in this book states " One area of growth that many of us struggle with is a need for genuine, deep, warm personal relationships. Sometimes this need is manifested in a deep sense of "not belonging", of not fitting in. "It seems there is a void inside our hearts that just will not be filled.

When we hide, a part of our character is pushed away from relationship into a spiritual darkness called isolation. The isolation from some part of our soul from love will always produce a problem.

~Toomutch

Alive

The addiction is connected to a void that we need to fill. It's natural that with sobriety the void looses its feeder and it takes a lot of and work to fill that with a positive type of love. The emptiness will fade....and isolation is dangerous, you're right, it has to be a balance between not committing too much to love and not letting go of the priority of not quitting

hopeOct31

I read the following somewhere in the past and I think it describes me well.

"An alcoholic is a person who wants to be held while he's isolating."

I am continually fighting my desire to isolate combined with my need for relationships Thanks for sharing, HopeOct31

Rowan

That sounds like an excellent book - thanks for letting us know about it.

Toomutch, it doesn't matter how little or how much sobriety one has, we are all in this together, and we all have something of value to share. You proved that today.
Thank you.

Rowan

Missymae737

Hi,

When I use to hide from love, not only did I hide from people that loved me, I tried to hide from myself...I didn't know how to love myself and was filled with self hatred...Substance abuse fueled the darkness that imprisoned me...

Thanks fopr sharing, keep posting...

We learn from each other....

leviathon

I am actually struggling with this... my g.f. and I have been together for going on a year and at times I find I am actively trying to push her away. Its like I am trying to trunkate the relationship to protect myself b/f she can ditch me... that way I won't be the "loser" who was dumped b/c he was a complete screw up... hard to let go of these childhood patterns.

Peace, Levi

xXBacktoBlackXx

Wow. This quote is so accurate.

I am going to check out this book. I've been isolating myself and I know it's not healthy.

Anna

Hi Toomutch,

Thanks for sharing about the book. It sounds great. I think many of us here having isolated ourselves because we never felt that we fit it comfortably. And, of course, alcohol or drugs may have become a temporary answer to help us.

hopeOct31

Sorry my post was mis-leading.

"An alcoholic is..."

It is just a quote I read somewhere. Not a book.

HopeOct31

Toomutch

Hey xXBacktoBlackXx,

I would love it if you read the book; it would be great to have someone to share it with.