My Story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 14
My Story
Hello all,
I feel blessed to have found this site. It looks like there is great support here....
I thought it would help if I share my story.......
I started having problems with alcohol prior to my second pregnancy. I was in a senior management position in a large coorporation (in the entertainment field), running a $100M business, working a bazillion hours, traveling tons, married, mother of a two year old, having terrible problems with my family of origin, struggling with balancing life. My husband had recently lost his father (dropped dead unexepectedly at 56), we were managing an estate from miles away (a business and home) - and a whole other host of complications. On top of it, I was suffering from panic attacks and put on medications - many of which had side effects. Therefore the doctor was constantly changing the medications.
Anyway, I started drinking wine pretty consistently - at least two glasses a night - more on the weekend. My husband was drinking too. It was very much part of our life. Making martinis, hosting wine tasting parties, blender drinks on the weekends, bottles of wine when we went out to dinner, etc. Now, after years of therapy and treatment, I realize I was a functioning alcoholic at the time.
Than I got pregnant with my second daughter. Honestly, it was harder to not drink, as I had done with my first pregnancy. I also was on (what I later found out) was strong medication for my panic attacks and depression. I would drink a glass of wine at dinner – not consistently, but I found myself sneaking other glasses when I wasn’t being seen by my husband. Over the holidays – I was having huge family problems, and got very drunk. Scared after it happened, I decided I better tell my doctor because of my pregnancy. She decided I had better go to a detox to make sure that it was handled properly, and that my pregnancy was not at risk. I was only in detox for a weekend, but I remember feeling so shameful that I would drink while pregnant.
I continued to drink wine afterwards – never to excess, but since I had obstained completely during my first pregnancy, I felt guilty and wondered if I may have a problem – since I was having such difficulty in stopping. Two weeks before I was to deliver my second daughter, I went in for a routine check-up. They could not find a heart beat, sent me immediately in for an ultra-sound, and had found that my daughter was dead. This was in 2005.
I delivered my daughter at 8 1/2months pregnant by c-section. It was horrible. She came out perfect – it looked as if she was only sleeping. We had a funeral – my other daughter, as my husband and I, we traumatized. She had been part of all the planning and looking forward to being a big sister.
At this time, my psychiatrist put my on larger doses of benzos for my anxiety as well as larger doses of anti-depressents. I also have psoriasis, which flared so badly that I was almost hospitalized. My blood pressure went through the roof – I was having all sorts of medical problems, on top of suffering hugely with my loss.
This is when my drinking quickly, and I do mean quickly, went totally out of control. It started with wine, but quickly went to vodka – bottles hidden, waking in the middle of the night to drink, etc. I had stopped working – my employer told me to take some time to recuperate from my loss. I was drinking 24/7.
At first – I kept the quantity pretty well hidden. But than soon I would be so drunk that my husband would ask how I could possibly be so drunk from what he had seen me drink. He found me hovered at my vanity with a bottle of vodka – drinking straight from the bottle. He than would come home from work – every night, to find me passed out.
He than insisted that I go for treatment. I agreed and went into a detox. My first night at a lock-down, I woke up in the middle of the night completely paralyzed. I was rushed to an ER where they found that my magnesium and potassium levels were dangerously low. I was hospitalized for 10 days. I had to go through physical therapy to learn to walk and move again. It was than also decided that I was on dangerous levels of terrible medications, and I was taken off of everything – which caused other withdrawals on top of alcohol. I never abused the medication – I had a crack doctor that didn’t know what she was doing.
They than decided to send me away to a treatment center. I went away for 20 days and felt “cured”. I came home and drank immediately. I was later court-ordered by my family to treatment.
It’s almost two years later. I have been to three long term treatment centers, day treatment and AA. My husband filed for divorce last year, had me court ordered to leave my home and took custody of my daughter.
I recently moved back home. My husband and I are going to therapy, and the divorce is being cancelled. We are working things out. I lived in an apartment by myself for 6 months and had supervised visits with my daughter. It was horrible.
I’ve been sober for 4 months. I go to AA, have a sponsor, am currently doing the steps and living each day – keeping it all in the day. One day at a time.
My story is long. I’m sorry – I tried to keep it as simple as I could. Thanks for letting me share.
I feel blessed to have found this site. It looks like there is great support here....
I thought it would help if I share my story.......
I started having problems with alcohol prior to my second pregnancy. I was in a senior management position in a large coorporation (in the entertainment field), running a $100M business, working a bazillion hours, traveling tons, married, mother of a two year old, having terrible problems with my family of origin, struggling with balancing life. My husband had recently lost his father (dropped dead unexepectedly at 56), we were managing an estate from miles away (a business and home) - and a whole other host of complications. On top of it, I was suffering from panic attacks and put on medications - many of which had side effects. Therefore the doctor was constantly changing the medications.
Anyway, I started drinking wine pretty consistently - at least two glasses a night - more on the weekend. My husband was drinking too. It was very much part of our life. Making martinis, hosting wine tasting parties, blender drinks on the weekends, bottles of wine when we went out to dinner, etc. Now, after years of therapy and treatment, I realize I was a functioning alcoholic at the time.
Than I got pregnant with my second daughter. Honestly, it was harder to not drink, as I had done with my first pregnancy. I also was on (what I later found out) was strong medication for my panic attacks and depression. I would drink a glass of wine at dinner – not consistently, but I found myself sneaking other glasses when I wasn’t being seen by my husband. Over the holidays – I was having huge family problems, and got very drunk. Scared after it happened, I decided I better tell my doctor because of my pregnancy. She decided I had better go to a detox to make sure that it was handled properly, and that my pregnancy was not at risk. I was only in detox for a weekend, but I remember feeling so shameful that I would drink while pregnant.
I continued to drink wine afterwards – never to excess, but since I had obstained completely during my first pregnancy, I felt guilty and wondered if I may have a problem – since I was having such difficulty in stopping. Two weeks before I was to deliver my second daughter, I went in for a routine check-up. They could not find a heart beat, sent me immediately in for an ultra-sound, and had found that my daughter was dead. This was in 2005.
I delivered my daughter at 8 1/2months pregnant by c-section. It was horrible. She came out perfect – it looked as if she was only sleeping. We had a funeral – my other daughter, as my husband and I, we traumatized. She had been part of all the planning and looking forward to being a big sister.
At this time, my psychiatrist put my on larger doses of benzos for my anxiety as well as larger doses of anti-depressents. I also have psoriasis, which flared so badly that I was almost hospitalized. My blood pressure went through the roof – I was having all sorts of medical problems, on top of suffering hugely with my loss.
This is when my drinking quickly, and I do mean quickly, went totally out of control. It started with wine, but quickly went to vodka – bottles hidden, waking in the middle of the night to drink, etc. I had stopped working – my employer told me to take some time to recuperate from my loss. I was drinking 24/7.
At first – I kept the quantity pretty well hidden. But than soon I would be so drunk that my husband would ask how I could possibly be so drunk from what he had seen me drink. He found me hovered at my vanity with a bottle of vodka – drinking straight from the bottle. He than would come home from work – every night, to find me passed out.
He than insisted that I go for treatment. I agreed and went into a detox. My first night at a lock-down, I woke up in the middle of the night completely paralyzed. I was rushed to an ER where they found that my magnesium and potassium levels were dangerously low. I was hospitalized for 10 days. I had to go through physical therapy to learn to walk and move again. It was than also decided that I was on dangerous levels of terrible medications, and I was taken off of everything – which caused other withdrawals on top of alcohol. I never abused the medication – I had a crack doctor that didn’t know what she was doing.
They than decided to send me away to a treatment center. I went away for 20 days and felt “cured”. I came home and drank immediately. I was later court-ordered by my family to treatment.
It’s almost two years later. I have been to three long term treatment centers, day treatment and AA. My husband filed for divorce last year, had me court ordered to leave my home and took custody of my daughter.
I recently moved back home. My husband and I are going to therapy, and the divorce is being cancelled. We are working things out. I lived in an apartment by myself for 6 months and had supervised visits with my daughter. It was horrible.
I’ve been sober for 4 months. I go to AA, have a sponsor, am currently doing the steps and living each day – keeping it all in the day. One day at a time.
My story is long. I’m sorry – I tried to keep it as simple as I could. Thanks for letting me share.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
shotgun.....i'm so incredibly sorry for your loss and your struggles....
it's amazing, and inspiring that things are begining to work out for you....your story will give many people so much hope.......thank you for posting here, and i really hope you stay around.....i would love to get to know you.....
it's amazing, and inspiring that things are begining to work out for you....your story will give many people so much hope.......thank you for posting here, and i really hope you stay around.....i would love to get to know you.....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hi Shotgun,
Yur story touched me, you have endured great sorrow and you have fought hard to become sober...Your fight brings a lot of hope to people struggling with addiction issues...
Thanks for sharing....
Yur story touched me, you have endured great sorrow and you have fought hard to become sober...Your fight brings a lot of hope to people struggling with addiction issues...
Thanks for sharing....
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