Any Moms Out There Keeping Sane While Not Using Part 27 (XXVII)
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jackson
Posts: 582
ayla that is a nice picture of you and your dh
today the cravings aren't that bad--i think it is because i have been busy doing something besides work--i got to go shopping (for my mom) but it always helps my cravings to spend money by shopping, replacement therapy LOL. i got my spa package that i wanted so now i have something to look forward to again--i find my cravings are bad when i have nothing to look forward to my trip to see my family is over and i know it will be awhile before i get to see them again -and that got me down--so then the cravings started to get worse---i have been EXTREMELY busy at work so most of my time since i have been home from nebraska have been spent doing hair so then my shoulder pain has started back in and that is always a trigger for me. so now i will schedule my masaage in a couple of weeks to keep my mind focused on that and i will have that to look forward to, i hate that i love pills so much--it just frustrates the he!! out of me--and i am just plain sick of being an addict i hate that label--but at the same time i deserve the label, i am just not in a good place with this right now and i am hoping it will soon pass
today the cravings aren't that bad--i think it is because i have been busy doing something besides work--i got to go shopping (for my mom) but it always helps my cravings to spend money by shopping, replacement therapy LOL. i got my spa package that i wanted so now i have something to look forward to again--i find my cravings are bad when i have nothing to look forward to my trip to see my family is over and i know it will be awhile before i get to see them again -and that got me down--so then the cravings started to get worse---i have been EXTREMELY busy at work so most of my time since i have been home from nebraska have been spent doing hair so then my shoulder pain has started back in and that is always a trigger for me. so now i will schedule my masaage in a couple of weeks to keep my mind focused on that and i will have that to look forward to, i hate that i love pills so much--it just frustrates the he!! out of me--and i am just plain sick of being an addict i hate that label--but at the same time i deserve the label, i am just not in a good place with this right now and i am hoping it will soon pass
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 339
Jackie!!!!!! I wish I was there for you right now. You can get past this and the reason I know why is I know you would never do anything that would keep you from your kids. I know that not being with them every day would tear you apart. So that is what you need to think about! When you think about the things that you shouldn't, you find your happy place. Those Kids!
Hugs to you girl. Hang in there!!!!
Hugs to you girl. Hang in there!!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jackson
Posts: 582
petie you are so right--i shiver at the very thought of someone else raising my children besides me, i hate i feel the way i do about pills ---i am like WHY--why the hell do i have a love affair with something that almost destroyed my life--and now i still want it? what the hell is up with that--GOD there is something wrong with me and my thinking, why do i still crave the very thing that almost destroyed me LITTERALLY --- i hate that part about me, but that is why i am here with all of you to help me through this and to keep me strong--you are the only people i tell when i start to get this way--i just hope it will pass SOON!!!!! VERY SOON!!!!
petie I LOVE YOUR HAIR!!!!!!! the color is also beautiful--shorter haircuts are harder to get used to, but i think you will end up loving it--it suits you--it is a good cut for the shape of your face. i would keep it cut like that for awhile--atleast until you get tired of it --it is very becoming on you!!!
petie I LOVE YOUR HAIR!!!!!!! the color is also beautiful--shorter haircuts are harder to get used to, but i think you will end up loving it--it suits you--it is a good cut for the shape of your face. i would keep it cut like that for awhile--atleast until you get tired of it --it is very becoming on you!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jackson
Posts: 582
Originally Posted by NYCGirl 
ig, I could have written every word.... part of me has been trying to convince the other part that I can stop there....Can't I?
Jackie Don't Do it you have come to far and have tooooooo much to loose... remember those days in "The Grey Bar Hotel" they weren't pretty were they.... don't be Paris
Jackie Don't Do it you have come to far and have tooooooo much to loose... remember those days in "The Grey Bar Hotel" they weren't pretty were they.... don't be Paris
i so don't want to be paris--although i know she is flighty and a bit of a trouble maker--i hope she cleans up her act alot of young girls look up to her and she is a good example of what not to do--maybe a few days in the slammer would do her good---everytime they show something about her on tv about going to jail for violating probation--it does make it easier for me to stay clean, even the the rich and famous are not above the law. if people like me can't get away with it i don't think she should either. i wonder if they are trying to make an example out of her to the young girls so they can see what the consequences from partying and not obeying the law are and that it can happen to them to---lyndsay lohan needs to be next.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 216
Happy Mommies Day!!!
Thanks for all of the great posts and well wishes today. Mother's Day has always been a hard day for me. While in college, I had an abortion on the day after Mother's Day. It is something that I have had to live with, something that I am not proud of. The fact that it happened right after Mother's day is always a sad reminder for me. Also that my mom is gone. I miss her so much. We used to talk often, sometimes every day, but at least a couple of times a week. I was just at the point in my life where I saw things differently. I was a new mom, and really looked to her for advice. I wish that we could have had a few more years like that. I resented her for a long time because she and my dad really pushed the abortion. I wanted to have the baby. I have finally let go of that resentment. It was my own choice, no one else's.
Anyway, I think I'm rambling now and probably not even making much sense. I do however believe in angels and in the spirit world, and i believe that her spirit is here with me now.
I actually did have a very nice mother's day. DH and I worked in the yard building a fire pit. He also made me breakfast, lunch and dinner. We took the kids to the pool. The weather was beautiful, and we had fun. I'm just feeling melancholy right now. But I'm sober! And I plan on staying that way!
NYC- I tried for 2 years to "limit" my alchohol intake to just a few. It always worked... for a few weeks. Then it seems like I would slip back into old habit, but each time would get worse. I would drink even more than before I "cut back". My DH asked me the other night if this is a forever thing... if my ultimate goal is to never drink again or if I plan to maybe someday, after some time has passed, just drink in moderation. I told hime that i'd been there, done that and it never worked. I confessed to him how I'd been sneaking a lot more alchohol than he even knew about. I even told him how I did it. He's such a great guy. He told me he would support me however he can. He's going to go to an Al-anon meeting. They have them at the same time and in the same building as my AA meetings. He said he really wants to understand this disease so that he can help me more. He is such a blessing in so many ways. And today (the 14th) is our REAL wedding anniversary! 14 years! We both goofed last week and thought it was on the 6th.
I do hope all of you had a great Mother's day, whether you worked, played, relaxed, or whatever!
Thanks for all of the great posts and well wishes today. Mother's Day has always been a hard day for me. While in college, I had an abortion on the day after Mother's Day. It is something that I have had to live with, something that I am not proud of. The fact that it happened right after Mother's day is always a sad reminder for me. Also that my mom is gone. I miss her so much. We used to talk often, sometimes every day, but at least a couple of times a week. I was just at the point in my life where I saw things differently. I was a new mom, and really looked to her for advice. I wish that we could have had a few more years like that. I resented her for a long time because she and my dad really pushed the abortion. I wanted to have the baby. I have finally let go of that resentment. It was my own choice, no one else's.
Anyway, I think I'm rambling now and probably not even making much sense. I do however believe in angels and in the spirit world, and i believe that her spirit is here with me now.
I actually did have a very nice mother's day. DH and I worked in the yard building a fire pit. He also made me breakfast, lunch and dinner. We took the kids to the pool. The weather was beautiful, and we had fun. I'm just feeling melancholy right now. But I'm sober! And I plan on staying that way!
NYC- I tried for 2 years to "limit" my alchohol intake to just a few. It always worked... for a few weeks. Then it seems like I would slip back into old habit, but each time would get worse. I would drink even more than before I "cut back". My DH asked me the other night if this is a forever thing... if my ultimate goal is to never drink again or if I plan to maybe someday, after some time has passed, just drink in moderation. I told hime that i'd been there, done that and it never worked. I confessed to him how I'd been sneaking a lot more alchohol than he even knew about. I even told him how I did it. He's such a great guy. He told me he would support me however he can. He's going to go to an Al-anon meeting. They have them at the same time and in the same building as my AA meetings. He said he really wants to understand this disease so that he can help me more. He is such a blessing in so many ways. And today (the 14th) is our REAL wedding anniversary! 14 years! We both goofed last week and thought it was on the 6th.
I do hope all of you had a great Mother's day, whether you worked, played, relaxed, or whatever!
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 216
BTW, Petie! Love the hair! Did you get highlights, too? I've been letting mine grow out for a couple of years now. It used to be REALLY short! Like cut over my ears! now it's about shoulder lenght. I still get it cut pretty regularly just to keep it healthy and in shape. nOt sure how long I'm going to let it get.
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jackson
Posts: 582
laura i to had an abortion i can't remember the actual day but i think it was may 11th 1995 if i am remembering correctly it was on a friday--i was in an abusive relationship --i was 21 years old and scared to death, i was broke and living at home with my mom and step dad but they were not going to let me continue to live there if i had the baby--and i didn't have the money to move out and i had broke up with my boyfriend and he was no help to me and was going to continue to be no help--so i thought the only way out was abortion--i do regret it i think about the what might have been all the time, but we can't change the past just learn from it, abortion is a hard thing to live with -- it really weighs heavily on my soul. just thinking about all the things i have put myself through really makes my heartbreak, but we live and learn and hopefully one day when i meet my maker it can be forgiven.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 782
DAY by DAY - DAILY MEDITATIONS
May 14, 2007
Staying clean and sober
We know that any skill deteriorates without practice. Likewise, staying drug-free is a skill we develop through practice. We need to learn what skills we have in working our program.
How do we keep ourselves drug-free? Do we pray? Do we take daily inventory? do we admit when we're wrong? Do we work with others? Do we practice the Steps daily? If we're not doing these things, we're getting self-satisfied, and being too self-satisfied can weaken our skills. If we lose our skills, we may soon lose our sobriety and cleanness.
Am I working on my recovery skills?
Higher Power, help me develop the skills I need to stay clean and sober today.
Staying clean and sober
We know that any skill deteriorates without practice. Likewise, staying drug-free is a skill we develop through practice. We need to learn what skills we have in working our program.
How do we keep ourselves drug-free? Do we pray? Do we take daily inventory? do we admit when we're wrong? Do we work with others? Do we practice the Steps daily? If we're not doing these things, we're getting self-satisfied, and being too self-satisfied can weaken our skills. If we lose our skills, we may soon lose our sobriety and cleanness.
Am I working on my recovery skills?
Higher Power, help me develop the skills I need to stay clean and sober today.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 782
Hi, just passing a message on from Beezy......
She's doing good........she'll be on later......she's powerless, like no electricity powerless (no big deal, just power company doing some work).
Interview at 1:30 today, chiropractor at 4:00, meeting at 5:00
I'm a little p*ssed off right now, my phone rang last night at like 12:45am, apparently it was my mother.....i'm sure it was a DWI (dialing while intoxicated)...i didn't call her yesterday (I know, I'm a terrible daughter). Anyway.....back to work i guess.
xoxo
She's doing good........she'll be on later......she's powerless, like no electricity powerless (no big deal, just power company doing some work).
Interview at 1:30 today, chiropractor at 4:00, meeting at 5:00
I'm a little p*ssed off right now, my phone rang last night at like 12:45am, apparently it was my mother.....i'm sure it was a DWI (dialing while intoxicated)...i didn't call her yesterday (I know, I'm a terrible daughter). Anyway.....back to work i guess.
xoxo
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Georgia
Posts: 216
Good luck on the interview. IG! You'll do great!
Liss- Have you started your new job yet?
jackie- Thanks so much for your post. I was in my junior year in college, and my dad told me that if I decided to keep the baby, that I would be on my own. He would even take me off of his health insurance, so i wouldn't even have that! My boyfriend at the time was supportive of what I wanted, but definitely was more on the abortion side. I always am reminded on Mother's day that I could have been a mother long before I actually was. I know my life would be totally different now. I would not have met my husband, probably would be divorced if I had married the father, wouldn't have my two wonderful girls that I have now. Like I've said many times, everything happens for a reason. It's much easier to deal with now that I do have my two girls, as well as a loving husband.
Liss- Have you started your new job yet?
jackie- Thanks so much for your post. I was in my junior year in college, and my dad told me that if I decided to keep the baby, that I would be on my own. He would even take me off of his health insurance, so i wouldn't even have that! My boyfriend at the time was supportive of what I wanted, but definitely was more on the abortion side. I always am reminded on Mother's day that I could have been a mother long before I actually was. I know my life would be totally different now. I would not have met my husband, probably would be divorced if I had married the father, wouldn't have my two wonderful girls that I have now. Like I've said many times, everything happens for a reason. It's much easier to deal with now that I do have my two girls, as well as a loving husband.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Newfie-Land, Mo
Posts: 1,623
I am here...
IG thanks for passing on my message. and rock that interview girl !!!!
(((((Jackie)))) I know EXACTLY what you are going through, as I am finishing my 2 nd year of probation. You cannot use honey...I know it is tempting but...you will be up shite shite creek if you get caught...I will loan you a paddle but you really need to remember the terms of your probation...and follow them !!! okay i am not trying to be momma and hard on you..I just know what I have to lose and know you have the same things....I LOVE YOU !!!!
Ruby---good to see you around here.
Ayla--got the message, you sweet thing... It was the only one I got from a friend...you made my day when I got it last night. I will try to call this week...it is a busy beezy week...
(((((Laura))))) we have all had to make some very hard decisions in our lifes. If we could somehow see how each path turned out. I feel for your loss and know it was a difficult desicion.
Petie...way to go on the runs and I love your cut...looks great on you !!!
Liss---NYC---I have been planting alot too and it will hopefully be a nice year for my garden.
I spent the last 2 afternoons on the river....fishing and swimming..the water was up some but crystal clear...we snorkeled the big holes and ate ALOT...my hubby's friend and his 2 kids came.They have been our friends for a long time. It was good to see them again. I had a fantastic day and am glad to have such a caring family. My kids both gave me tear jerking gifts and loved me up all day.
I count my success by my happiness I suppose. I am not bringing in a huge family income but I do keep my family happy and loved...that makes me happy and
successful.
keep posting those Ig....I love to read them each morning....
better go I have to put all the fishing poles and stuff away...and no we did not catch anything so I suppose I will make salmon.
love you all and I will read back a bit and catch up.....
stay strong friends...
much love,
Beezy
IG thanks for passing on my message. and rock that interview girl !!!!
(((((Jackie)))) I know EXACTLY what you are going through, as I am finishing my 2 nd year of probation. You cannot use honey...I know it is tempting but...you will be up shite shite creek if you get caught...I will loan you a paddle but you really need to remember the terms of your probation...and follow them !!! okay i am not trying to be momma and hard on you..I just know what I have to lose and know you have the same things....I LOVE YOU !!!!
Ruby---good to see you around here.
Ayla--got the message, you sweet thing... It was the only one I got from a friend...you made my day when I got it last night. I will try to call this week...it is a busy beezy week...
(((((Laura))))) we have all had to make some very hard decisions in our lifes. If we could somehow see how each path turned out. I feel for your loss and know it was a difficult desicion.
Petie...way to go on the runs and I love your cut...looks great on you !!!
Liss---NYC---I have been planting alot too and it will hopefully be a nice year for my garden.
I spent the last 2 afternoons on the river....fishing and swimming..the water was up some but crystal clear...we snorkeled the big holes and ate ALOT...my hubby's friend and his 2 kids came.They have been our friends for a long time. It was good to see them again. I had a fantastic day and am glad to have such a caring family. My kids both gave me tear jerking gifts and loved me up all day.
I count my success by my happiness I suppose. I am not bringing in a huge family income but I do keep my family happy and loved...that makes me happy and
successful.
keep posting those Ig....I love to read them each morning....
better go I have to put all the fishing poles and stuff away...and no we did not catch anything so I suppose I will make salmon.
love you all and I will read back a bit and catch up.....
stay strong friends...
much love,
Beezy
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