yasmin

after 21 days of no alcohol or coke, i ****** up, i thought i was in control and could just have one drink, and i had one, then went home, and thought i could have one gram too, as a treat, as one last time.

i dont want anymore "that one last time" and once is ok, cause it is stronger than me and i have no control.

going to a meeting tomorrow, i want to keep my life normal, i want to be able to still go out but not use, but i guess i cant, i am young and i feel i have ****** up my life, through this addiction. Something like having one drink which at one time was normal and controlable, now is the start to a continuous drug/alcohol binge.

anyone considering having just ONE drink or ONE line, DONT DO IT!!!! be strong, its hard but tomorrow is just hours away and the feeling and craving will fade if you stick at it.

DON't put yourself in a moment of weakness. you are too determined and strong!!!

Iwanttobe1

Yasmin,

I have learned the hard way, I can't have just one. That's part of my problem. But I know if I don't take that first one, there won't have to be a last one.

Thanks for your post,

Carol

Fade

Don't blame yourself. We all mess up sometimes, just promise yourself that tomorrow will be a better day. And MEAN it.

Anna

Yasmin, you can get past this and move on.

Take a look around and you'll find lots of inspiration.

yasmin

thanks guys, its really quite hard. i feel better without it, but for some reason, i dont know why, i kinda like getting messed up and feeling like ****.

why do we all escape????

topetah

i posted a reply on another thread for you so ill just post here again. hi yasmin. your post is much like what i have posted in the past. it only takes me one drink then all of a sudden i want some coke. i too thought nahh ill just drink beer tonight. but it always i mean always ends up me scoring a rock spending all my money smoking all my cigs and end up in bad situations i wouldnt put myself in if i was sober. i know how your feeling right now. just tell yourself ok i did it i know it was stupid i know im broke now but move on. we slip, we think we can handle one drink we cant even do that. one is not enough and 30 prob isnt enough. its a sick pattern. i used to do it all the time. wake up saying what the f did i do. cry and blame myself and feel guilty shame and embarrassed. now you know you cant have one drink ever. it sucks i know, my brother can drink one whine cooler every now and then and doesnt fly off like i do. we are the addicts we cant do anything no more. done beat yourself up. next time you want a drink think about what happened last nite. it might just save you that day. dont worry you can start over now. i hope the best for you...jason

Rowan

Hi Yasmin,

Welcome to SR - I'm so glad that you found us - your post has helped others immensely, by reminding us all how insidious the alcoholic/addict voice is, by telling us we can just have one and be okay. We know that's not true, yet some of us need to test that theory. I know that I did.
I know you're full of regret and remorse right now, but the main thing is that you made it back - please keep posting here; these are amazing people, and we can all lean on one another for support when we need to. Hang in there and let us know how the meeting goes tomorrow - hopefully you'll feel better afterwards.

Rowan

yasmin

It's carzy how at one point in your life you have control and the next you just dont, it makes me sad, how can one just switch like that???? its not fair

yasmin

rowan

thanks, i know we want to believe that we r in control so that is why we try just one drink thinking we really can do it, and meaning it, and even trying our best.!!! thank god for fellow addicts/alcoholics, the support we can give eachother i dont think anyone else who has not been through it can take time to write and inspire other addicts as we do.

one thing i dont regret about reaching out and admitting to my addiction is the support i have gained is what keeps me strong!!!!!

Rowan

Amen to that, sister!

Hope

I used to think like that too- "one last time", the only problem was that it was never the last time. It was a never ending cycle of pain and misery that got worse each time. I would drink or use to shut up that voice that told me that I could have just one. But in reality, it was only lying to me and once I picked it up, I couldn't stop. I was baffled at how that happened.

Finally, I was beaten down enough to listen to others and follow their suggestions on how to stay sober. That is the easier, softer way.

I fell many times but I'm finally getting it.

It only gets worse. So when that voice gets sneaky and starts whispering "just one" or "one more time" tell that voice where it can go and reach out to someone in recovery and tell them what is going on with you.

You can do it!!

rabye

don't give up, its not the end of the world, just stop it right now if you are using at this present minute. stop stop stop, throw it away, get rid of it!!!!! stop killing yourself!!!!

leviathon

Yasmin, great of you to share your experience. Whether you realize it or not, your honesty likely saved someone from the same mistake.

Good on you for starting back on the straight and narrow and having the honesty and integrity to admit your mistake.

Peace, Levi

Hope

It kept me sober another day. Thanks Yasmin for sharing.

livefree

Thanks for posting about this yasmin. It really is a good reminder for all of us. I know I've caught myself thinking about how nice a drink might be on a couple of occasions. I had to do a reality check... one drink would turn into a whole lot more. Don't be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. The important thing right now is that you are back here seeking support and taking your recovery seriously. Best wishes.

Missymae737

Yasmin,

Forgive yourself and try again. You made it back here and that is what is important...

Thinking of you...

xXBacktoBlackXx

I know what you mean. That's why I'm trying to gradually get some control back into my life. I know that in order to have control of my life, I can't have any sort of substance in my system.

How are you doing today?

parentrecovers

recovery is possible, yasmin. k