thiskidknows

How is this all my fault....I never asked for him to have a heart attack I never asked for all this **** to happen so why are they blaming me and telling me i'm not allowed to go to the hospital incase I add more stress to him. Everytime I open my mouth, everytime I try to help me something happens, every ****ing time. well no more, I'm not helping me anymore, I will get drunk, I will continue to self medicate, I will continue on the self destruction path and never will I help myself cause I can't take the consequences towards to the ppl I love - and this isn't the first time, 2 weeks after I started counselling my grandmother died, when I was pulling myself out of depression my uncle and 2 friends died..if that's not a sign what is.

Why am I not allowed to do something for me, why does something always have to bring me down. its not fair, I'm not strong enough to deal with the blame of this as well. I don't want to be the scapegoat..they all hate me, only talk to me to blame me.

Sorry for going on and taking up ur time, now u see the person I am..someone who fails, when something gets in the way I don't move it I let it hold me where I am or push me back...weak.

Sorry

lost x

Rusty Zipper

LC try to find the strenght to move forward... whatever it takes... belief, faith and trust... you can move ahead...

of course it wasnt your fault about the heart attack... its just life, and on lifes terms... not yours, or your familys...

what worked and is working for me... "the reaction faction..." i try not feed into situations i have no control of... my responsability lies within...

good wishes to you LC... try to think positive... it is doable...

xxoo, rz

Rowan

Here for you.

thiskidknows

Damaged goods can't be repaired,
I've tried my best, but no1 cared
I accepted the fight was too much
but every1 ran and left me untouched.

I tried to explain how I was feeling
I so much wanted to start healing
but then the fight became to tough
I surrender I've had enough.

Its one thing after another
no1 cares not even my mother
no place in any1's heart will I be
so now I have to go and be free.

I only ever wanted love and care
Acceptance, part of some1's live to share
material stuff doesn't intrest me
I only ever wanted to be free.

They feelins towards me have been made clear
so its best if I just disappear.
they won't notice or even care
infact to them I'm beyound repair.

So I surrender to the pain
I quit from this game
I won't try to repair
cause I no longer care.

BehindBlueEyes

Lost Child,
I am sorry you are feeling so much pain right now.
You must have faith that you CAN be strong.
We are all here for you. Keep posting, let it out.
There are so many people here that are listening.

Anna

Hi,

I am sorry for your losses and your struggle.

Unfortunately, sad things happen in life and we just have to try to deal with things the best way we can, and move forward. It's never a reason to drink again, but a reason to try to see the positive in everything we do.

Midas

I'm sorry to hear about your losses, too.

It's NOT your fault.

Other people may be blaming you for something you're not responsible for. And, you need to stop blaming yourself. Drinking won't solve any problems. Running away doesn't mean the monsters quit chasing you.

I think you do care. When most of us got sober, we were pretty much broken beyond repair. That's what the fellowship is for. Sure, we may never be 100% restored to perfection, but it's

Progress -- Not Perfection!

We care.

topetah

im very sorry for your loss. you cant let those people get you down. some times other familly members wont be happy if they see you happy. they want to lower you down with them that way it makes them feel better about thereself. if you continue to beat yourself up you will never win. im sorry to say that but its true. keep away from negative people. if its your familly who keeps putting you down forget them. its there loss. dont let others perdict how you are going to feel or live..jason

Dee74

I'm really sorry you're having such a crappy crappy time...listen to the folks here, lc...there's good advice. We care.

D

hope3

When no one else was there, I was.

When, no one else could help, I could.

When no one else took the time to understand me, I did.

It was me all along getting in my way, when I realized that,

thats what made the difference, bless you lost, I love you, Hope3

GlassPrisoner

Yup. A sign that life goes on, with or without us, and there's not a damm thing we can do about it.

We can bitch and moan, "going on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we [can]...." or, we can accept spiritual help.

This won't change the things all the things that happen around us, only the way we perceive them.

Jersey Nonny

God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change,
The COURAGE to change the things I can,
And, the WISDOM to know the difference.

That pretty much says it all.

SaTiT

I thought a lot of things was irrepable...I thought wrong.

noprob

I fully understand/comprehend your feelings lost child,this pretty much says it all for me I got really tired of being sick and tired went back out (one year and 3 months of pure misery) it solved nothing got worse (my experiance) so this time around I became willing in desperation <-(a blessing) to listen and apply the simple program outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous,page 58 How It Works.
The solution is me getting out of me (thinking to much) and focus on the solution starting on page 58 and go from there one day at a time.
If I look to the furture I may become scared,if I look to the past I may become remorsefull,but should I look to only today,right this minute/second do the bestest I can/am able to,it's ok
Know this for a certainty - We all Love You and so does God (to my understanding)

KOKO

thiskidknows

Thank you for your replies. I know deep down its not my fault and I have no control over what happens, but emotionally its a different matter. I need to change how I respond when I get knocked back.