I can't get away from it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Ballston Lake, New York
Posts: 79
I can't get away from it!
My whole family are drinkers and I'm trying so hard to lead a sober life. My sister calls me again last night and I can tell she had a few and wants me to set aside a weekend to go with her family and my parents to a "Rib Festival" where all they do is eat ribs and drink beer. I also have a wedding this weekend that I'm in and it's going to be Open Bar. This all makes it so much harder for me to stop drinking. Any advice would be much appreciated. I don't want to stop seeing my family due to this.
Thank you,
Theresa
Thank you,
Theresa
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi Theresa
I don't know if you are an alcoholic or not so please forgive me if I am not making sense.
Do you have power over whether or not you drink? If you do, then you will be able to go and you will be able to choose not to drink.
If you don't have that power and if you want to make staying sober your first priority then I think you will make the decision to stay away. If they want what is best for you, they will understand. Explain to them openly and honestly what you are facing and why you need to stay away from drink. Maybe they will support you and try to make it easier for you not to drink. In that case, it might be a nice sober weekend after all.
I don't know if you are an alcoholic or not so please forgive me if I am not making sense.
Do you have power over whether or not you drink? If you do, then you will be able to go and you will be able to choose not to drink.
If you don't have that power and if you want to make staying sober your first priority then I think you will make the decision to stay away. If they want what is best for you, they will understand. Explain to them openly and honestly what you are facing and why you need to stay away from drink. Maybe they will support you and try to make it easier for you not to drink. In that case, it might be a nice sober weekend after all.
tangled up in blue
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 401
I agree with Pilgrim since I don't know much about your situation except what you've written. I really think that if you're in the beginning stages of sobriety, it's best to avoid these areas. That's how I've been trying to handle my business. The first day that I originally decided to be sober, I actually went out to the bar with friends and had a miserable experience. I didn't drink that night, but with alcohol in my face, it was all I could think about. Good luck and if you ever feel any cravings, come to the board so we can help you overcome the urge to drink. Too many consequences in that.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: berkshire massive..UK
Posts: 225
after a period of abstinence..I blundered back into a binge at a wedding this weekend... my family and friends are all the same..come on have a drink.. (despite my awful drink history) Everyone seems to associate drink with fun.
Ive been spending a few days blaming other people for making me want to start drinking...
but im starting to realise the only person I need to convince that I DONT DRINK...is me..
once thats done.. well im a rookie ...but I think thats half the battle.
if its a wedding you simply cannot miss.. you have to have a plan on how your going to handle the people trying to tempt you to drink. If your ready to come right out firmly with "I dont drinK" and stick with it at this stage ..great.. otherwise.. go for some antibiotics type story..
ive been feeling lously since the wedding I went to on Saturday.. first mother of all hangovers.. then guilt, paranoia and shame.. make sure that your not in the same position next week.. please.
Ive been spending a few days blaming other people for making me want to start drinking...
but im starting to realise the only person I need to convince that I DONT DRINK...is me..
once thats done.. well im a rookie ...but I think thats half the battle.
if its a wedding you simply cannot miss.. you have to have a plan on how your going to handle the people trying to tempt you to drink. If your ready to come right out firmly with "I dont drinK" and stick with it at this stage ..great.. otherwise.. go for some antibiotics type story..
ive been feeling lously since the wedding I went to on Saturday.. first mother of all hangovers.. then guilt, paranoia and shame.. make sure that your not in the same position next week.. please.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
bymyself being open and honest about quitting is the easiest way to handle this even though it seems as though it is the hardest. Tell them you have stopped drinking! Period, they can take it or leave it.
Unless you are solid in your sobriety it may be best for you to not do the rib & beer deal, in regards to the wedding, go but make darn sure you drive to where if the temptation gets to great you have full control and can leave.
As you become more solid in sobriety you will be pleasantly surprised that you can do every thing you used to do while drinking with out drinking and will actually enjoy it a lot more.
Unless you are solid in your sobriety it may be best for you to not do the rib & beer deal, in regards to the wedding, go but make darn sure you drive to where if the temptation gets to great you have full control and can leave.
As you become more solid in sobriety you will be pleasantly surprised that you can do every thing you used to do while drinking with out drinking and will actually enjoy it a lot more.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Theresa,
For a little while, I chose not to spend time with my family - they didn't understand why I chose not to drink, and it wasn't safe to be around them. If you can get to each of these occasions on your own, not having to rely on someone else to get you there and pick you up, then why not go for an hour, then leave? If this isn't possible, I would sit these two occasions out. Eventually, you'll be able to spend time with them again. I hope this helps.
Rowan
For a little while, I chose not to spend time with my family - they didn't understand why I chose not to drink, and it wasn't safe to be around them. If you can get to each of these occasions on your own, not having to rely on someone else to get you there and pick you up, then why not go for an hour, then leave? If this isn't possible, I would sit these two occasions out. Eventually, you'll be able to spend time with them again. I hope this helps.
Rowan
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 294
I'd definitely steer clear of the rib festival. If you feel like you can't get out of the weddings, I'd suggest bringing someone who has some good sobriety time with you as your date. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
As hard as this may be to hear, until you have solid sober time in, you may need to take some distance from your family.
When you first do this, they may not understand. When they find out you are not drinking but they still are, they may resent it. You are a trouble maker for not drinking as it makes them think about their drinking. With time hopefully they will accept your choice.
As you get stronger in your sobriety it is possible to resume these types of activities with your family, but you do so knowing it is a risk to your sobriety.
When you first do this, they may not understand. When they find out you are not drinking but they still are, they may resent it. You are a trouble maker for not drinking as it makes them think about their drinking. With time hopefully they will accept your choice.
As you get stronger in your sobriety it is possible to resume these types of activities with your family, but you do so knowing it is a risk to your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: England midlands
Posts: 15
I cant really offer advice on this but I can say I know exactly where you are coming from. Drink affects us all differently my dad drinks every day but is the most chilled person in the world. If I drink I argue, bitch, and push everyone close to me away.
that in itself is surely 1 good reason not to think its ok if i join them in a drink.
Good luck x
that in itself is surely 1 good reason not to think its ok if i join them in a drink.
Good luck x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 859
Welcome to SR bymyself,
I agree with what everyone else has already said. If the wedding is a must, and it sounds like it is if you are in it, get through it and bail on the reception. If being around your family is a trigger for you rather it is because they are drinking or not, try to make plans for things to do where alcohol cannot be involved i.e. a movie, shopping at a mall etc.
If you are early in sobriety, the most important thing right now is YOU! Later, things will be easier but right now put all your energy into getting and/or staying sober. Those who love you will understand.
Best of luck, keep us posted
Liss
I agree with what everyone else has already said. If the wedding is a must, and it sounds like it is if you are in it, get through it and bail on the reception. If being around your family is a trigger for you rather it is because they are drinking or not, try to make plans for things to do where alcohol cannot be involved i.e. a movie, shopping at a mall etc.
If you are early in sobriety, the most important thing right now is YOU! Later, things will be easier but right now put all your energy into getting and/or staying sober. Those who love you will understand.
Best of luck, keep us posted
Liss
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Ballston Lake, New York
Posts: 79
Thank you so much everyone for your advice and support. I gave in last weekend after not drinking for 13 days. It's been 6 days again and I don't want to give in. I know this may sound strange but I feel like I'm giving up something meaningful in my life. I always drank at every occasion with my family, and I don't know why but I feel as if I'm losing a friend. I feel so sad, it was a part of everything I did with my family and friends. Everyone in my life, except for my husband which helps alot, drink. Thanks for listening.
Theresa
Theresa
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
First of all, Theresa, I'm really proud of you. 13 days, and now 6. That is absolutely huge.
It's perfectly normal to grieve this - I felt like I was losing a big chunk of myself when I gave up the booze - the sense of ease and comfort it gave me around other people - and it was a way for me to fit in with my family. But now that it's out of my life, I see what it's like to have meaningful relationships with my family, without the blur of the booze. That booze feels like a friend - but it's not - it's what brought you to your knees, and brought you here. Stay strong Theresa, it does get better, I promise.
Rowan
It's perfectly normal to grieve this - I felt like I was losing a big chunk of myself when I gave up the booze - the sense of ease and comfort it gave me around other people - and it was a way for me to fit in with my family. But now that it's out of my life, I see what it's like to have meaningful relationships with my family, without the blur of the booze. That booze feels like a friend - but it's not - it's what brought you to your knees, and brought you here. Stay strong Theresa, it does get better, I promise.
Rowan
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
You've had lots of good advice Theresa.
I know for me, I definitely could not be around alcohol in the early days of sobriety. I just couldn't do it. As the others have said, recovery needs to be your priority. The rest will fall into place.
I know for me, I definitely could not be around alcohol in the early days of sobriety. I just couldn't do it. As the others have said, recovery needs to be your priority. The rest will fall into place.
Rock-chalk-jayhawk..
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: kansas
Posts: 170
i think everyone has said what i would have suggested. if you know you cant be around the booze stay away. be honest with your family and tell them like it is. they can either take it or not its up to them. you are what is important here. it sounds like a fun time spending it with your family and ribs yumo! dont let others decide how you are going to feel. you have control over this and if you feel you might slip stay away. good luck...jason
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Originally Posted by bymyself 
I know this may sound strange but I feel like I'm giving up something meaningful in my life. I always drank at every occasion with my family, and I don't know why but I feel as if I'm losing a friend. I feel so sad, it was a part of everything I did with my family and friends.
Theresa
Theresa
it's not so strange - when drinking is a major part of your life, or at least of social interaction, it makes perfect sense to me to feel scared about it not being there...it'll leave a huge hole, and a great emptiness, and not drinking'll make me stand out...and yadda yadda yadda...
but, you know what ?
it was that kind of thought process that kept me on the drinking merry-go-round for 15 years, falling lower and lower with each new bottle and each new year...
you know the effects...no doubt you have your 'drinking horror stories' like we all do here...there's nothing meaningful about a life enslaved to booze.
don't be like me and let your drinking define who you are.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Ballston Lake, New York
Posts: 79
Thank you all so much. What great advice. Tomorrow will definately be a test for me at this wedding. I'll check in tomorrow night. I pray to GOD I can do it.
Take Care,
Theresa
Take Care,
Theresa
tangled up in blue
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 401
Originally Posted by bymyself
I know this may sound strange but I feel like I'm giving up something meaningful in my life. I always drank at every occasion with my family, and I don't know why but I feel as if I'm losing a friend.
Theresa
Theresa
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Here for ya too Theresa!
Before my last relapse...I had 4 months sobriety...and rocky
sobriety at that...I attended my daughter's wedding. She was
mean and bitter about my relapse..and would not invite my
new BF in recovery to attend. I felt hurt and shaky...but went
and participated in the preparations armed with my sponsor's
phone number and and friends in AA...I made quite a few calls.
My daughter didn't even like that! But it got me through
the wedding...and I enjoyed myself. I sat with my mom and
some Christians in the family where our table was served with
sparkling cider. I put together 8 years of sobriety that time.
You can do it!!!
Love,
Sherry
Before my last relapse...I had 4 months sobriety...and rocky
sobriety at that...I attended my daughter's wedding. She was
mean and bitter about my relapse..and would not invite my
new BF in recovery to attend. I felt hurt and shaky...but went
and participated in the preparations armed with my sponsor's
phone number and and friends in AA...I made quite a few calls.
My daughter didn't even like that! But it got me through
the wedding...and I enjoyed myself. I sat with my mom and
some Christians in the family where our table was served with
sparkling cider. I put together 8 years of sobriety that time.
You can do it!!!
Love,
Sherry
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