Got the butterflies
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Got the butterflies
Ok yall...Today I got my first check.
Had my cousin go with me to get it..cash it and went shopping , had lunch, paid my bills. I had a great day.
I still have a good amount of money left. And now I am alone at home. And the thoughts are invading my mind.
I feel a little sick to my stomach and heart rate is a little high.
I don't want to pick up and I know there's 100% chance I am not going to.
But these feelings suck.
I Know they will pass. I just hate having them.
And then again it's a long night ahead and day tomorrow before I have to work again.
I made it known I was a little shaky but I cant expect everyone to drop what they are doing 24/7 to hold my hand. My family has a life too.
I'll be ok. I just need to lay down and relax. I want to take my xanax to relax but it is such a low dose i have to take like 6 of them for them to do anything.
I really dont want to rely on anything.
I totally sound like a basket case as I reread this post.
I just had to get it out.
I know I wont go. I just hate this anxious antispated feeling.
Had my cousin go with me to get it..cash it and went shopping , had lunch, paid my bills. I had a great day.
I still have a good amount of money left. And now I am alone at home. And the thoughts are invading my mind.
I feel a little sick to my stomach and heart rate is a little high.
I don't want to pick up and I know there's 100% chance I am not going to.
But these feelings suck.
I Know they will pass. I just hate having them.
And then again it's a long night ahead and day tomorrow before I have to work again.
I made it known I was a little shaky but I cant expect everyone to drop what they are doing 24/7 to hold my hand. My family has a life too.
I'll be ok. I just need to lay down and relax. I want to take my xanax to relax but it is such a low dose i have to take like 6 of them for them to do anything.
I really dont want to rely on anything.
I totally sound like a basket case as I reread this post.
I just had to get it out.
I know I wont go. I just hate this anxious antispated feeling.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
No, you don't sound like a basket-case.
You are coping well and being aware of how you are feeling is great. You know that you are a bit vulnerable right now, so you can do whatever you need to in order to take care of yourself. Posting here and reading posts is a good idea. Put on a good movie to watch, play with a pet, whatever you can think of to calm yourself a bit. Each time you get through a moment like this, it will get easier.
You are coping well and being aware of how you are feeling is great. You know that you are a bit vulnerable right now, so you can do whatever you need to in order to take care of yourself. Posting here and reading posts is a good idea. Put on a good movie to watch, play with a pet, whatever you can think of to calm yourself a bit. Each time you get through a moment like this, it will get easier.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,030
Originally Posted by Midas 
…and this too shall pass…
It took me awhile to figure out why I had that extra pocket money. Duh! Wasn't spending it on my DOC. So I decided to treat myself to some new clothes to replace the stuff I'd been wearing for years. Man did that ever feel good to do something nice for myself after years of abusing my body.
Like 51anna suggested, put on a movie or do anything to distract yourself until it passes. It does get easier every time.
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
((((chiynita)))))
Just got back from mowing two yards, laundry, and of course Chance
and checked this out and said "WOW, she is one of us!"
Those thoughts are going to happen and as long as we don't dwell upon those thoughts for too long we should be OK. Taking a nap is good we go through that HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired) so when we need to check on each of those throughout the day, to keep us mentally safe.
One thing is that we need to divert our thoughts onto something other than that stinking thinking. It is pretty simple just to get up and go for a walk, or take out the trash, just do whatever is in front of us to do. Keep busy and I can almost guarantee you that the thoughts will leave, if we don't feed them. I hope that you are feeling better, have to go finish up for the day.
With Love and Respect
Vic
Just got back from mowing two yards, laundry, and of course Chance
and checked this out and said "WOW, she is one of us!"Those thoughts are going to happen and as long as we don't dwell upon those thoughts for too long we should be OK. Taking a nap is good we go through that HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired) so when we need to check on each of those throughout the day, to keep us mentally safe.
One thing is that we need to divert our thoughts onto something other than that stinking thinking. It is pretty simple just to get up and go for a walk, or take out the trash, just do whatever is in front of us to do. Keep busy and I can almost guarantee you that the thoughts will leave, if we don't feed them. I hope that you are feeling better, have to go finish up for the day.
With Love and Respect
Vic
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
chi....i'm so proud of you! how does it feel to be independant??
i know these feelings suck, but trust me, you'll make it through...and they will be fewer and farther between as time goes on, hon.......
just keep doing what your doing....take one craving/ feeling at a time.....you know, for some reason the cravings are worse for me on good days, too....it's like i think.....hmmm this is good, but it could be better.....i always come here when i'm thinking that way, somehow just reading here inspires me....and makes me feel stronger.....
way to go on the job and the paycheck....
i know these feelings suck, but trust me, you'll make it through...and they will be fewer and farther between as time goes on, hon.......
just keep doing what your doing....take one craving/ feeling at a time.....you know, for some reason the cravings are worse for me on good days, too....it's like i think.....hmmm this is good, but it could be better.....i always come here when i'm thinking that way, somehow just reading here inspires me....and makes me feel stronger.....
way to go on the job and the paycheck....
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Thank you guys.
I feel better already. My grams is here and i played some spades and cranked up the tunes and also IMed with my ex boss/ friend. He his too funny. So my mind is better now.
We are going to my little cousins very first tee ball practice in a little while. And all the kids are having a sleep over here tonite. So I will be busy.
I think it is just habit to go spend every last penny i have on drugs and maybe a little of maybe yea..I do want to get high a little. But then I dont. I know that makes sense.
But I know one time thinking its ok will lead back to where I was in Dec. Contimplating ending my own life.
I only have maybe 50 days if that but I am guarding it with my life. And I havent gone this long in I cant remember when. Many years.
I am so glad I have my family and this board and so grateful I am comfortable enough to make it known to all of you and my family that I am having these feelings and know I wont be judged but lent a helping hand.
Thank you all so much.
I feel better already. My grams is here and i played some spades and cranked up the tunes and also IMed with my ex boss/ friend. He his too funny. So my mind is better now.
We are going to my little cousins very first tee ball practice in a little while. And all the kids are having a sleep over here tonite. So I will be busy.
I think it is just habit to go spend every last penny i have on drugs and maybe a little of maybe yea..I do want to get high a little. But then I dont. I know that makes sense.
But I know one time thinking its ok will lead back to where I was in Dec. Contimplating ending my own life.
I only have maybe 50 days if that but I am guarding it with my life. And I havent gone this long in I cant remember when. Many years.
I am so glad I have my family and this board and so grateful I am comfortable enough to make it known to all of you and my family that I am having these feelings and know I wont be judged but lent a helping hand.
Thank you all so much.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Chiy.....
I was clean and sober 8 months when I got my first DIB check...
in February....
Guess what my first thoughts were...gee there's enough to
handle some business and get some speed and go to the
Casino....
Went to the Casino.. once.....and was tempted to get a drink...
wasn't fun...I could use that money now!
Didn't get speed.....did not drink!
Don't feel weird, I think we've all been through that.
You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love ya,
Sherry
Don't feel you
I was clean and sober 8 months when I got my first DIB check...
in February....
Guess what my first thoughts were...gee there's enough to
handle some business and get some speed and go to the
Casino....
Went to the Casino.. once.....and was tempted to get a drink...
wasn't fun...I could use that money now!
Didn't get speed.....did not drink!
Don't feel weird, I think we've all been through that.
You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love ya,
Sherry
Don't feel you
Rock-chalk-jayhawk..
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: kansas
Posts: 170
i am so proud of you. sounds like you are really doing good. yes these feelings are hard to stop. i know how you are feeling right now. you have money to blow and your first thought was to go buy a rock. thats normal for us addicts. but what is important is that you came here and asked for help as what to do. you are a very honest and loving girl. you can do this i know you can. getting that check must have made you feel so good. you see you are making a big change and you are seeing the rewards of it. im so happy for you. dont give in. if you have to, spend it on yourself not the dope. let us know how you are doing today 
jason
jason
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
