so messed up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: dorset
Posts: 18
so messed up
What is it ?
why can't i just stop drinking ?
I did it before
Why can't i do it again?
My life is going down the pan and it's like the only thing i can do is stand there and watch it happening. wish i was dead Help! could do with an online sponser, cant do the meetings anymore, dont feel strong enough.
dolly pop
why can't i just stop drinking ?
I did it before
Why can't i do it again?
My life is going down the pan and it's like the only thing i can do is stand there and watch it happening. wish i was dead Help! could do with an online sponser, cant do the meetings anymore, dont feel strong enough.
dolly pop
tangled up in blue
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 401
Dolly: It's the addiction. It's not that you aren't strong enough. What I've gathered from being here and from my own personal experience is that the alcohol/drugs convinces us that we're weak. Without these things in our life, we are incredibly strong and capable people. You said yourself that you've done it before; you can do it again. You know that you have it in you. I recently joined the boards and last night, I was on it for at least an hour because I couldn't sleep due to recent sobriety. I read past posts and the messages in these posts really inspired me to stay clean. If you are ever feeling extremely weak, I really encourage you to post your concerns because you will receive nothing but support. If you ever need anything such as encouragement or just a listening ear (or eye in this case), feel free to send me a PM. I am on-line at least once a day, so I will answer that day. I really hope that you realize how much inner strength you have.
Rock-chalk-jayhawk..
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: kansas
Posts: 170
hi there. please dont let this disease get the best of you. you tryed befor and failed. that no big deal. we all fail at this aleast once or in my case many many times. your not alone i have felt just like you do right now. i wanted to die just to get rid of all the bad feelings shame guilt whatever your feeling it will pass. stay sober tomarrow will be easyer. its a long hard road but we all gotta travle down it. dont give up! thats what your disease wants. infact it craves for it. rock bottom is differnt for everyone. take this as your bottom and start moving forward. nothing is worth taking your life. once your gone thats it. stay strong and most of all positive. jason
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: berkshire massive..UK
Posts: 225
hi dolly pop from dorset..
you can do it again. dont get me wrong , its tough...
ive just been clean 3 months(2nd 3 month spell) and blundered by going on a binge...
felt exactly the same..for 4 days..but feeling better now..have to just keep at it ..as for me the alternative is too horrible..
you can do it again. dont get me wrong , its tough...
ive just been clean 3 months(2nd 3 month spell) and blundered by going on a binge...
felt exactly the same..for 4 days..but feeling better now..have to just keep at it ..as for me the alternative is too horrible..
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Your seeking a sponsor may just be a hint that you know the solution but the disease is making you feel ashamed to return to the solution!
You know it is a disease, I am not sure if you had crossed that invisible line yet when you first found the solution to the problem, but I can attest to the fact that I crossed that line before I started to realize I needed to do something about my drinking.
My disease had me spend 10 years after I had crossed that line trying to stop drinking MY WAY! Once I had surrendered, first to alcohol, and secondly that I needed help to stop drinking, and last but not least to a Power greater then me was I able to stop drinking and stay stopped. I put my self into detox and then did as the folks at detox told me to do if I wanted to stay sober, I went to over 90 AA meetings in 90 days and got a sponsor.
You had the same solution I have, but I bet you quit going to meetings, you quit working the steps with your sponsor.... right?
While you were going to the meetings did you ever see some one pick up another 24 hour chip? I am sure you did, I sure have seen folks come back into the rooms after a slip or relapsing and they were welcome with open arms.
Dolly pop if you still have your old sponsors phone number give her a call, I will bet you money she will love to hear from you.
I can also tell you that just like anyone else who comes back into the rooms after a relapse or slip, you will be welcomed back with open arms.
Please realize that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You not the first person in the rooms to relapse and you will not be the last! I (so far) am the exception rather then the rule, I have not relapsed yet..... notice I said yet, the vast majority of people in the rooms have relapsed at least one time, some many times, but they came back because they knew where the solution to thier drinking problem was.
Hon you know the solution, unlike so many others when they first try to sober up. Do not let your disease keep you from returning to the solution you have already found.
Guess what? By you coming here and telling us you have relapsed you have helped me stay sober today. Why not go back and help others stay sober by picking up that chip?
Your disease is telling you to be ashamed, it is telling you that the people with the solution are going to judge you, that they are going to talk behind your back. Your disease is telling you every lie it can come up with to keep you away from the solution.
Look I will tell you flat out, we love you, when you come back we will welcome you with open arms! Remember this?:
Notice it says anyone, it does not say those who relapse are excluded, it says anyone!
We in AA do not shoot our wounded, if they ask we are there to help with open arms.
You know it is a disease, I am not sure if you had crossed that invisible line yet when you first found the solution to the problem, but I can attest to the fact that I crossed that line before I started to realize I needed to do something about my drinking.
My disease had me spend 10 years after I had crossed that line trying to stop drinking MY WAY! Once I had surrendered, first to alcohol, and secondly that I needed help to stop drinking, and last but not least to a Power greater then me was I able to stop drinking and stay stopped. I put my self into detox and then did as the folks at detox told me to do if I wanted to stay sober, I went to over 90 AA meetings in 90 days and got a sponsor.
You had the same solution I have, but I bet you quit going to meetings, you quit working the steps with your sponsor.... right?
While you were going to the meetings did you ever see some one pick up another 24 hour chip? I am sure you did, I sure have seen folks come back into the rooms after a slip or relapsing and they were welcome with open arms.
Dolly pop if you still have your old sponsors phone number give her a call, I will bet you money she will love to hear from you.
I can also tell you that just like anyone else who comes back into the rooms after a relapse or slip, you will be welcomed back with open arms.
Please realize that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You not the first person in the rooms to relapse and you will not be the last! I (so far) am the exception rather then the rule, I have not relapsed yet..... notice I said yet, the vast majority of people in the rooms have relapsed at least one time, some many times, but they came back because they knew where the solution to thier drinking problem was.
Hon you know the solution, unlike so many others when they first try to sober up. Do not let your disease keep you from returning to the solution you have already found.
Guess what? By you coming here and telling us you have relapsed you have helped me stay sober today. Why not go back and help others stay sober by picking up that chip?
Your disease is telling you to be ashamed, it is telling you that the people with the solution are going to judge you, that they are going to talk behind your back. Your disease is telling you every lie it can come up with to keep you away from the solution.
Look I will tell you flat out, we love you, when you come back we will welcome you with open arms! Remember this?:
I am responsible. When anyone anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there and for that: I am responsible.
We in AA do not shoot our wounded, if they ask we are there to help with open arms.
Peace begins with a smile
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 173
Welcome dolly pop. Please don't get offended by what I'm about to write... it's not a personal attack whatsoever. It's that I firmly believe most people who can't stop drinking need the truth and not a sugar coat.
What I'm wondering is.... why don't you feel strong enough to go to meetings? And what ever made you think anyone has any kind of inner strength walking into a meeting? I was a mess when I got there... I don't know anyone who came in... looking or feeling good. But the thing that gets you there is the pain and desperation. You're suddenly willing to forget about everything that's keeping your from going because you just wanna stop drinking and ultimately get the pain to stop.
The way I see it is ... don't let your diease keep you from a meeting.
Take a good, honest look at how you stopped before and why it didn't work... since you couldn't stay sober. Therein lies the difference in what you did, and what you need to do now.... IF you want to stay sober.
And I apologize in advance if by "strong enough" you were saying you had a physical disablity which prevents you from doing...
What I'm wondering is.... why don't you feel strong enough to go to meetings? And what ever made you think anyone has any kind of inner strength walking into a meeting? I was a mess when I got there... I don't know anyone who came in... looking or feeling good. But the thing that gets you there is the pain and desperation. You're suddenly willing to forget about everything that's keeping your from going because you just wanna stop drinking and ultimately get the pain to stop.
The way I see it is ... don't let your diease keep you from a meeting.
Take a good, honest look at how you stopped before and why it didn't work... since you couldn't stay sober. Therein lies the difference in what you did, and what you need to do now.... IF you want to stay sober.
And I apologize in advance if by "strong enough" you were saying you had a physical disablity which prevents you from doing...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 294
dollypop,
My heart goes out to you. I've been there before- feeling broken, defeated, and hopeless. I think just about all of us here on SR and in AA have felt that way at some point. You are not alone. You seem to know that living the program is essential to overcoming alcohol and beginning a new, happy way of life. Maybe a few days in detox might help you break the seemingly interminable cycle of daily drinking. Definitely go to meetings. As great as it is that you are seeking help online, getting out of the house and physically going to a meeting (stopping the isolation) is more powerful. Best of luck. You can do it!
My heart goes out to you. I've been there before- feeling broken, defeated, and hopeless. I think just about all of us here on SR and in AA have felt that way at some point. You are not alone. You seem to know that living the program is essential to overcoming alcohol and beginning a new, happy way of life. Maybe a few days in detox might help you break the seemingly interminable cycle of daily drinking. Definitely go to meetings. As great as it is that you are seeking help online, getting out of the house and physically going to a meeting (stopping the isolation) is more powerful. Best of luck. You can do it!
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