Percocet is an angel devil
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 128
Percocet is an angel devil
Hi, name is Mike. I've been on Percocet for about a year now. I have a spinal disease/severe degeneration, and 5 very thin discs causing my S nerves to be crushed since there's not enough room for them to escape the spinal column. Oh yah, and my S1 joint is partially fused to my hip. I'm only 29, this started to really get bad at age 26. It's so depressing since I've always been an athelete and a work-a-holic.
Although I've been offered Oxycontin by doctors several times, I've declined because I don't wanna get that crazy with prescription drugs. Percocet is the strongest drug I'll take, but still I find myself in a world of hell.
I pick up my script of 120 pills every 10 days. I take 12 10/325's a day. If I run out early on accident, or just because I didn't care enough to keep track, as you know, the withdrawls are incredibly nasty. The good thing is, this drug enables me to be a stay at home dad and take care of my child very well. Without pain killers I can't even pick up my 9 month old. I feel like crying about this almost every day but I fight back the thoughts that would depress me if I dwelled on them.
I hate my life like this, I hate being dependant, but I have to or else I can't even function my pain is so bad. I've tried everything to get around taking meds, but eventually I realized I had to give into this devil angel in a 10 milligram pill.
I didn't come to this site looking to try and get help with this physical addiction, I just wanted to state my case and read/talk to others that may be in the same situation as myself. When fusion technology becomes good enough to actually opperate on a back as messed up as mine, then and only then will I have the opportunity to live life without medication. I hope that time comes in the next year or so, I'm not sure how long my tolerance will let these things be as effective as they are right now.
Although I've been offered Oxycontin by doctors several times, I've declined because I don't wanna get that crazy with prescription drugs. Percocet is the strongest drug I'll take, but still I find myself in a world of hell.
I pick up my script of 120 pills every 10 days. I take 12 10/325's a day. If I run out early on accident, or just because I didn't care enough to keep track, as you know, the withdrawls are incredibly nasty. The good thing is, this drug enables me to be a stay at home dad and take care of my child very well. Without pain killers I can't even pick up my 9 month old. I feel like crying about this almost every day but I fight back the thoughts that would depress me if I dwelled on them.
I hate my life like this, I hate being dependant, but I have to or else I can't even function my pain is so bad. I've tried everything to get around taking meds, but eventually I realized I had to give into this devil angel in a 10 milligram pill.
I didn't come to this site looking to try and get help with this physical addiction, I just wanted to state my case and read/talk to others that may be in the same situation as myself. When fusion technology becomes good enough to actually opperate on a back as messed up as mine, then and only then will I have the opportunity to live life without medication. I hope that time comes in the next year or so, I'm not sure how long my tolerance will let these things be as effective as they are right now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
MJ, welcome aboard...
yep, your situation aint one of the better ones...
i know first hand of what your saying... i have two people in(well) my life... one with the same, and one very simular... one, did battle with the perc bandit... that was because of years of trying to beat active addictions... well, the perc bandit won out... so sad...
the other person... same as yours... only a bit older... wasnt a addict, none of the isms we addictive type have... she got hooked to the point of requiring a good addiction treatment center... did her month, did it right, and is now in a wonderful pain management program...
takeing "as directed..."
MJ, the first person was the love of my life... yep, she went to pain managment also.. one problem with that... wasnt truthful with the docs... doc shop'n ta-boot...
so, its so wonderful for me to see you on here... asking, being honest, and looking to get more knowladge of what your faceing...
most well wishes to you MJ...
and if you ever would like to yap with the other person i'm talking about...
send me a PM... will hook you up...
xxoo, rz
yep, your situation aint one of the better ones...
i know first hand of what your saying... i have two people in(well) my life... one with the same, and one very simular... one, did battle with the perc bandit... that was because of years of trying to beat active addictions... well, the perc bandit won out... so sad...
the other person... same as yours... only a bit older... wasnt a addict, none of the isms we addictive type have... she got hooked to the point of requiring a good addiction treatment center... did her month, did it right, and is now in a wonderful pain management program...
takeing "as directed..."
MJ, the first person was the love of my life... yep, she went to pain managment also.. one problem with that... wasnt truthful with the docs... doc shop'n ta-boot...
so, its so wonderful for me to see you on here... asking, being honest, and looking to get more knowladge of what your faceing...
most well wishes to you MJ...
and if you ever would like to yap with the other person i'm talking about...
send me a PM... will hook you up...
xxoo, rz
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Mountains of WV U.S.of A.
Posts: 34
You are the second person I know of with this in their life.
I feel for you and desire I could do something to help assit,but am unable to of my own power.
So that leads me to what I am able to do.
I shall pray to my God of my understanding to help you.
I feel for you and desire I could do something to help assit,but am unable to of my own power.
So that leads me to what I am able to do.
I shall pray to my God of my understanding to help you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hello Mike and welcome to SR,
I would like to share my experience with you...Many of your medical issues, I too have suffered for ten years...I eventually got to the point that I couldn't walk without a cane...I had already had one major surgery, and was facing another one...It was during that period that I agreed to use narcotics for pain control...
Well, it became a vicious cycle and what I THOUGHT was a wonderful feeling surfaced. Narcotics not only killed physical pain but it also killed emotional pain. I was soon, in about three months eating my pills to the point of running out and going through withdrawal every month...My life became focused around getting those pills. This continued for two years. I was given a script of 240 percs a month. I became so desparate to kill my emotional pain that when I ran out of narcotics, I drank to fill the void.
Back Dec 2006, I decided enough is enough!!! I quit using narcotics...I realized that I truly did not need them every day for pain control..Yes, I had painful days, still have them but they are few and far between...
I am not saying that you don't struggle with pain on a daily basis, I have been in that situation. I pray that you will get to a point of living without major pain so that you don't have to fall hard from the use of narcotics...
Thinking of you...
I would like to share my experience with you...Many of your medical issues, I too have suffered for ten years...I eventually got to the point that I couldn't walk without a cane...I had already had one major surgery, and was facing another one...It was during that period that I agreed to use narcotics for pain control...
Well, it became a vicious cycle and what I THOUGHT was a wonderful feeling surfaced. Narcotics not only killed physical pain but it also killed emotional pain. I was soon, in about three months eating my pills to the point of running out and going through withdrawal every month...My life became focused around getting those pills. This continued for two years. I was given a script of 240 percs a month. I became so desparate to kill my emotional pain that when I ran out of narcotics, I drank to fill the void.
Back Dec 2006, I decided enough is enough!!! I quit using narcotics...I realized that I truly did not need them every day for pain control..Yes, I had painful days, still have them but they are few and far between...
I am not saying that you don't struggle with pain on a daily basis, I have been in that situation. I pray that you will get to a point of living without major pain so that you don't have to fall hard from the use of narcotics...
Thinking of you...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 128
Just wanted to thank you all for your loving caring responses. This forum has a warmth that I have never seen on any other. It was obvious to me after just skimming the sections. What a great place for anyone struggling or in need of support. Thanks again.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi Mike,
Welcome!
I'm glad you found us and I am sorry for your situation. I really don't have any advice. I do know about chronic pain and I know that it's exhausting. I also know that it's hard for people to understand, that even though you look healthy, you are in pain.
Welcome!
I'm glad you found us and I am sorry for your situation. I really don't have any advice. I do know about chronic pain and I know that it's exhausting. I also know that it's hard for people to understand, that even though you look healthy, you are in pain.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 128
I didn't mention this, but I did something on the crazy side on Sunday. As I mentioned, I'm supposed to take 12 x 10mg percs a day. (but it's more like 16 on most days)
I had something to prove to myself apparently. I became very angry and flushed about 55 pills down the toilet. I only left myself enough take 3 a day Sun, Mon, Tuesday, NONE on wednesday...and I'll pick up my new script on Thursday.
What's the point of this you ask? A couple things.
1. I wanted to ween off just a bit, maybe help get my tolerance back down a bit? No clue if it will work, I think it might work just a little, enough so I don't take 16 a day and take it as prescribed.
2. (the major reason) I was angry that I'm dependant on a f-ing pill! I was angry that my wife doesn't know exactly what pain killing narcotics do to you. I was angry that she doesn't know that I basically don't live life sober. Yes I was forced down this painful road for some unknown reason and medication is sincerely the only answer. I have tried EVERYTHING, plus everything forum members have suggested. (thank you)
Anyway, I guess by flushing this many pills I wanted to prove to myself once again that I'm not scared of withdrawl, and how horrible I'm going to feel tomorrow. (been through up to a week of withdrawl about 6 times) Honestly I just wanted to feel some sort of sobriety since 3 pills don't take anyway any pain, they just barely fend off the w-symtoms and I'm fine with that. Sure I can barely walk today, sure I'm useless, but that useless feeling is the real me, I just wanted to say hi to me I think. =)
I had something to prove to myself apparently. I became very angry and flushed about 55 pills down the toilet. I only left myself enough take 3 a day Sun, Mon, Tuesday, NONE on wednesday...and I'll pick up my new script on Thursday.
What's the point of this you ask? A couple things.
1. I wanted to ween off just a bit, maybe help get my tolerance back down a bit? No clue if it will work, I think it might work just a little, enough so I don't take 16 a day and take it as prescribed.
2. (the major reason) I was angry that I'm dependant on a f-ing pill! I was angry that my wife doesn't know exactly what pain killing narcotics do to you. I was angry that she doesn't know that I basically don't live life sober. Yes I was forced down this painful road for some unknown reason and medication is sincerely the only answer. I have tried EVERYTHING, plus everything forum members have suggested. (thank you)
Anyway, I guess by flushing this many pills I wanted to prove to myself once again that I'm not scared of withdrawl, and how horrible I'm going to feel tomorrow. (been through up to a week of withdrawl about 6 times) Honestly I just wanted to feel some sort of sobriety since 3 pills don't take anyway any pain, they just barely fend off the w-symtoms and I'm fine with that. Sure I can barely walk today, sure I'm useless, but that useless feeling is the real me, I just wanted to say hi to me I think. =)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Originally Posted by MikeJee 
I didn't mention this, but I did something on the crazy side on Sunday. As I mentioned, I'm supposed to take 12 x 10mg percs a day. (but it's more like 16 on most days)
I had something to prove to myself apparently. I became very angry and flushed about 55 pills down the toilet. I only left myself enough take 3 a day Sun, Mon, Tuesday, NONE on wednesday...and I'll pick up my new script on Thursday.
What's the point of this you ask? A couple things.
1. I wanted to ween off just a bit, maybe help get my tolerance back down a bit? No clue if it will work, I think it might work just a little, enough so I don't take 16 a day and take it as prescribed.
I had something to prove to myself apparently. I became very angry and flushed about 55 pills down the toilet. I only left myself enough take 3 a day Sun, Mon, Tuesday, NONE on wednesday...and I'll pick up my new script on Thursday.
What's the point of this you ask? A couple things.
1. I wanted to ween off just a bit, maybe help get my tolerance back down a bit? No clue if it will work, I think it might work just a little, enough so I don't take 16 a day and take it as prescribed.
I was so addicted that no way could I have flushed those happy pills down the toilet.
I did have many experiences of running short and trying to limit my use of those pills. Guess what? It never worked. I had to many excuses as to why I needed to take my happy pills.
Keep posting Mike...Glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
welcome to sr, mike.....
i've been where you are, luckily i have found alternatives and no longer have to be dependant on narcotics...but i remember it well, and you how frustrating and frightening it can be to never feel sober and normal......
don't give up hope......i have faith that someday you will find a solution, and a surgery will be available to alleviate your pain.....i thought i would never be free, and here i am, totally sober for the first time in a very long time.....there is hope.....
i've been where you are, luckily i have found alternatives and no longer have to be dependant on narcotics...but i remember it well, and you how frustrating and frightening it can be to never feel sober and normal......
don't give up hope......i have faith that someday you will find a solution, and a surgery will be available to alleviate your pain.....i thought i would never be free, and here i am, totally sober for the first time in a very long time.....there is hope.....
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