thiskidknows

I gave in, there is no point to tryin 2 stop drinking or taking unprescribed prescription tablets. I can't do it, I'm not ready, the way I feel about mylife and myself is just too much hate. I don't want to be alive anymore, I want to be at peace. I don't want to live thru everyday pain, struggles emotions tat are to big for me. I resign I'm not strong enough for this. sorry

Alive

Lost child although you don't know, you are strong enough.It's always positive to keep trying.

i believe that every lost child can find a family and heal the heart.

anything you need, i am here, for real.

p.s: AA is a good way

Fade

Yes you ARE strong enough for this!! Life is about growth, not simply giving up. It took me years to come to this point, and I REFUSE to give up...and the good folks on this board won't let YOU give up either.

Nothing, not emotion, nor life in general is too big for anyone. Keep your face to the wind, and do not let this beat you.

Anna

Lost Child,

You are strong enough to do this and you can not stop trying. You just can't give up.

I felt like you do, but the pain will stop when you stop drinking/using drugs. It will begin to go away.

IO Storm

LC:

It is the alcohol and drugs talking to you, stop listening to

them and start listening to us.

Keep posting no matter what.

Love,



sherry

Missymae737

My heart is broken reading your post...

If you could just get enough sober time to see that life is worth living, if you could just get enough sober time, you will find peace, if you could just get enough sober time you will gain strength to deal with lifes problems...

In the beginning of recovery I believe some of us have a difficult time...It is not hopeless and sobriety can be yours...

Keep posting and do not give up...

Thinking of you...

Surlyredhead

I agree with everyone else..you ARE strong enough to do this!! With sobriety comes a strength you never thought existed...and it grows every clean day!! Please don't give up....

Cathy

thiskidknows

I'm sorry I just feel so useless I have a difficult time and I head straight to the realiable friends drink and drugs, I admit I'm a self harmer in many ways, drink, drugs, food, cutting, punching, number of su**ide attempts anything to cause pain to myself, to see a reason for the pain that I feel inside. I really am screwed...I've already been told I need to manage my emotions better (last week 2 misereable failed attempts of su*) or face being sectioned but how when I don't know how to. I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being. I'm tierd of fighting everyday. I don't have the energy within to be able to keep fighting. I have said i would make a committment not to drink today, and I will try I just feel like I fail at everything I do, or try to do. Sorry I'm complaining again. Sorry I do want to change I just don't know where to start. Sorry

Fade

We will all help you get through this. Just hang on a bit, ok? Relax...everyone is here for you. Anytime you need a friend. I'll give you my personal e-mail address if you need to talk. Don't give up...

Tell you what...on the kitchen floor, stand up a bottle of beer, a bottle of wine, a pill etc. next to you, and stand next to them for awhile. Compare your size to them. Do you think they are big enough to kick your @$$? I think not. Do you think they CARE? Of course not...they are inanimate objects.

Then go to the window, open it up, and see if you can hear some birds chriping or some children playing. Smell the fresh air, and decide what life you really want to live. I tend to believe it's the latter.

Missymae737

Lost child,

All the harmful things that you have turned to have created the lack of self esteem you have, have created the hopelessness, have created the confusion and self hatred, BUT...

There is hope... You wouldn't be here if you truly wanted to give up and die. You are searching for the right path in life...

Start be seeking out all the help you can gather to build yourself up...Do not give up, keep trying...keep coming here...we are here for you...

Taking5

I read something once that really hammered it home for me:

Don't fight, surrender.

This is another way of saying the first 3 steps:

1 - We admittedly that we were powerless over alcohol/drugs; that our lives had become unmanageable.

2 - Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

In other words, "I give up fighting alcohol/drugs, God please do this for me".
Hang in there, and keep posting. Let us know how you are doing.

hope3

You can do it, you are worth it.

Get help, you can't do it alone, this

is a good start, we can support you

imotionally, but you need professional help,

it's ok, get it, then you will have a better chance

at doing your part, hugs, hope3

noprob

I remember feeling and living the way you describe.
That was awhile back,near 4 years this May.
I have learned from the rooms of AA and like minded people that we are sick people trying to get well not bad people trying to get good.
I could not for the life of me ever get it.(8 years in the rooms of AA,went back out)
Those in the rooms of AA spoke a code I did not understand.
The reason is/was cause I always got in the way.(and still do at times)
My way never did work for me,ever.
I just finnally got tired of being sick and tired.
Until I truly surrender not give up,but just came to the agreement/understanding that well hey I'm screwed ok God I need your help - steps 1,2 and 3 - I can't - He can - I think I'll let Him - (your choice of a higher power will do) any will do just so long as you are willing to believe in such.
I had to use the group as my higher power at first,cause there is power in numbers and Alcohol sure showed me it was powerfull at that time in my life.
Anyway willingness and action play a very strong part in my daily recovery and fellowship,just today,right now.
It is sooo easy for me to feel sorry for myself(character defect,working on it),but when I choose to get my head outa my butt and use the steps provided it does get easyer.
This life is way better than my former way of life.

thiskidknows

I will speak to my doctor, I've only recentely registered with them because I don't know any of them I don't know who I can speak to, who will listen and won't just laugh at me and send me on my way. I despretely need help not just with drink and that but the depression that I've been stuck in since October last year, I was on anti-depressants and the psyciatrist took me off them because of my drinking and Od's..said that until I get help with my drinking it was pointless trying to treat the depression, so she I feel anyway, abandoned me, everywhere I turn (except my counsellor for SCA) has pushed me out the door and told me to do it myself, so now I'm scared in case it happens again, I can't deal with another rejection I'm on the edge and the smallest things are pushing me over it time and time again. Sorry all I seem to do is complainin sorry. thank u for listening.

Missymae737

The doctor who was treating your depression took you off anti-depressants for a reason...Alcohol is a depressant...Also with OD's, some anti-depressants along with drinking actually contribute to suicide attempts.

You don't have to stay in the rejection cycle, just keep searching...there is hope...

parentrecovers

i am praying for you. k

IO Storm

LC:

I like what Fade said to you about comparing the addicted

life to the real....The Real can be beautiful....also please

continue the professional help....I OD'd once, and relapsed

many times because of pain....but recovery is possible..

I have almost a year clean and sober, and that is a..

miracle...Let it happen for you.

Love,



Sherry

hope3

Hi Lost, I just wanted to comment on what your Doc said about untill you

get treatment for the drinking, it's use less to treat the depression.

I read in the Addiction book, from the HBO special, doctors well known in the

field are saying it's very important to dual diagnose and treat both at the same time. Maybe you need a detox or out patient type situation to get initially sober. Then or a rehab treatment center. Did he suggest any thing or give you resourses in your area for something like that, if he didn't I would see another doctor. There are many new ways to initially treat alcoholism, but the first assessment is so important. It has to be done by someone very knowlegeable with updated information on treatments for the year we are in, 2007.

Don't give up, find the right thing for you. Hope3

xXBacktoBlackXx

Lost_child, I am praying that you don't give up. You are a strong person; it's the alcohol and drugs that convince you otherwise, which is why they have to go. I, too, suffer from depression and haven't properly taken my meds all year because of my battle with alcohol. I'm so grateful that I've decided to become sober because now I feel as if I will finally be able to start living my life and taking my meds. Now that I understand the extent of my alcoholism and realize how detrimental it is, I can finally treat myself properly and start taking medications again. Think about how much the future holds for you. Think about the beauty of a sober life, away from drugs and alcohol. These things are detrimental for your well being. Without them, you can truly achieve greatness. I really have a lot of faith in you lost_child. Please don't give up. There are tons of people that will listen to you and not laugh; I'm certainly not laughing and neither are any of the people on this board. We understand your plight. We can emphasize. I wish you the best and if you ever need anything, feel free to PM me.

IO Storm

Don't give up LC:

We're still here.....

Love,

Sherry