Alive

I am pouring the wine down in the toilet. It's a very expensive one but it is not worthy. I felt powerful as i did this... It's all i can do to assure i won't do something worse tonight.The pills are in the trash. It's the third time i am starting this week after a couple of weeks sober. I am not proud, sure, but I am trying. A "doctor" told me today that my brain is very tired.I have to manage not to be kicked out of college. But i am really trying.I have a weak until tests and i need to pass them. Yes i will pass the tests because i will be sober. It's hard having to do so much at a time and my body being so weak. 3 years ago i ran 8 miles a day, now i can't even sit down with the books for too long.
But i already know what i have to do.That wine on the toilet and pills on the trash mean freedom.

It's really weird, but i learned this year, that i was pleasing everyone who hurt me. yes they said i wouldn't do anything with myself and although i wanted to stop, the disease kept wining over my soul. This disease is all about dependency and it makes me depend on the wrong people.
I was always the black sheep in the family because i am the son of a poor woman. I always stood by her side, that took away some privileges. It's ok. I remember my uncle once bought ice creams for all the kids, but not for me. I remember being beat up by my oldest cousin and they said no big deal, that i wouldn't be beat up anymore when i'd be twenty years old. It's ok. I remember my Dad telling me i wouldn't get the allowance like my brother because i defended my mother. I am glad i can be out of the competition and greed for money. I am understanding Finally that it's not my fault, some people just have no heart. They tried to break me, i won't let them.Somehow i believe there is a reason why we go through certain things and God has to see all the dirt that walks in this world.

I am glad i have my faith. I believe one day i will be able to give her a house of her own.And i believe she seeing me happy would be the best gift i could give her. That's why i live. She needs me more than i need myself. And i need her more than she needs herself.

i just needed to say something that could make me do this. yes i will do this for her and for me, for us two.

http://www.campusterrassa.upc.es/ass...ages/jesus.jpg

Anna

Karim,

I'm glad you made the choices you did with the wine and the pills.

You need to do this for yourself. Take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place.

Surlyredhead

That was a great post, I am also glad you got rid of the wine and pills. the choices you have made will make you a better person than those who tried to keep you down....you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Cathy

Dee74

your honesty and your courage is inspirational, Karim...you're right though - you need to be sober to study and to pass this tests. I know you can do it.

peace
D

IO Storm

Karim:

The best thing I, as a fellow alcoholic and an addict can

say to you is I love you. In your sharing your shining spirit

comes through. I believe you can get clean and sober because

of the strength of your spirit, admitting your weakness, and

asking for help...This combination has worked for thousands if

not millions of souls....

You will not be beaten down here, my friend....

Love,



Sherry

Alive

I am thankful beyond words for the strength i found in you all.

Dee74

I like the new avatar, Karim !
best wishes
D

Alive

that's my hand right there, reaching out for you guys.

God bless

IO Storm

My hand is reaching back, Karim.....

Don't let go.

Love,



Sherry