Fix You...........................(Coldplay) - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 04-17-2007, 12:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
"For the moment, life is good"
 
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Cheyenne, Wy.
Posts: 36

Fix You...........................(Coldplay)


When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
when you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you


Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears streaming down your face and I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you


This is a bit how I am feeling right now. I talked with my husband this morning about the events of yesterday. He said if it was his family doing and saying what they do to me, he would have the strength to turn his back on them. As it is my family doing this to me, he can only make suggestions. He has mentioned before that I seem to always be looking for my families approval. My mother and sister, my 3 children. My dad died many years ago at the age of 45 due to complications from alcoholism. I honestly long for the days when my family will say that they love me, unconditionally. I know in my heart that it will never happen. The one person who loved and believed in me died Christmas Eve of 99. My Grandma. She had made plans to come to where I was and pay for rehab and stay with me while I was going through it all the Jan. of 2000. It took 5 years before I could go to rehab. I went because I believed it would change the way my family felt about me. My mom, sister, children and husband. I made it 4 months out of rehab before I relapsed. That was March of last year. Life has gotten worse since then.
My husband told me one day that he thought I was living for approval from my mom. That I was always trying to get her approval for no matter what I was doing. My choices in the past and in my present, even my future. I guess in some ways I have. I want her undying love and I am not getting it. I know, deep down, that I am never going to get it. 2 cancer scares and 2 surgeries later and no mom when I woke up. She's almost like an Orchid I had. My husband bought it for me when I had a hysterectomy 3 years ago. I cut off the flowering part without realizing that it would change the plant. I tried for 2 years to get it to bloom again and it never did. Finally, I through it away. That's what I know I have to do with my family. I have to throw them away. They will never bloom.
Laceyhearts.....

P.S. You can go to Youtube and type in Coldplay, Fix you...........if you want to hear the song
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Old 04-17-2007, 12:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
let it grow!
 
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hey lacey, i know in my recovery - i need my 12 step program (face to face meetings) and i also need private counseling. blessings, k
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Old 04-17-2007, 01:08 PM   #3 (permalink)
Rock-chalk-jayhawk..
 
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: kansas
Posts: 170
hi lacey. i had to go back to the forum to read your first post to try and understand what you were saying in this post. i feel very sad about your familly and kids. sounds like you have had a tuff life. no one deserves that. im sure you would love to see your grandkid more often. a year is too long. and you said one is going to be born addicted to drugs in june? thats so sad to hear. in fact i think it should be a law if your baby is born addicted to drugs the mother should be locked up! i just say that because i love my 3 year old son so much and would never ever think of subjecting him to drugs befor he was born. thats terrible. i feel sorry for you. i wouldnt focus much on your mom from what you have written doesnt seem like she wants to improve any bodys life. she sounds very selfish. i could be wrong. maybe you do need to throw them away because as much as you want her approval you will never get it, and that causes you to get depressed and drink. so cut the line and let her go. she will relize someday that she is wrong. you never give up on your kids ever. you sound like a very caring person and a good mother. you cant perdict what your kids or familly will do in there lifes. you can only try and help them when they ask for it. someday they will ask i hope. untill then stay posstive and stop thining negative. it will only make things worse. you mentioned you have been married 4 times. and sounds like this last husband isnt much better. some times we seek out the wrong people even if we dont know we are doing it to ourselfs. maybe its time to take a good look at the big picture and move on with everything. you dont need a man to make you happy. but i wish i had someone in my life just to talk to when im feeling sad happy or whatever. but you need to love yourself first. take time out for you and only you. stop putting old problems ahead of whats now and real. deal with today and tomarrow will be better. in short start living your life and worry about you today. i hope all goes well and i wish you luck. im glad you posted and even if my words didnt help much your post made me stronger today take care...jason
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