wiscgirl30

Why do I do this to myself? I always wake up feeling like crap. I remember the bartender yelling at me and being annoyed with me. My friend told me today "Yes you DO get annoying....You are loud and shrill..." Freaking HooRAY. What a freaking loser. Why do I do it? Cuz Im Addicted? I guess that is the answer, but it sounds like the lamest answer on earth. And then I come here every week whining about how stupid I am, but yet I keep doing it? You all must be sooo sick of me, the whining, the CRAP. Yet, I dont, cant WONT do anything about it, but wait till the next time I get drunk. I know this will eventually kill me. My friends say "oh we are no worse than anyone else...." I dont want to be everyone else. I dont want to be the girl walking home, falling down, with dirt on my clothes the next day and ketchup in my freakin HAIR! Get a grip! You are 32 YEARS OLD! I have been coming her whining, complaining, feeling sorry for myself for 2 years now....yet....nothing NOTHING has changed. I cant. I wont? I dont know.....

parentrecovers

you're fighting a difficult disease. have you looked at step one today?

keep coming back and searching for your answers, wiscgirl. it is possible to recover. blessings, k

wiscgirl30

What is step one? Honest question....

Dom

Believe me, it hurts to tell my disease NO everytime it wants to manifest itself. My slip ups hurt just as much as yours do. Outpatient rehab changed me, have you tried it yet? Are you powerless over alcohol? Has it made your life unmanageable? I breathed a sigh of relief when I finally realized that I am powerless over any mind altering substance.

Change4life

I have to get to work so I dont have time to say much. Just wanted tio let you know you are not alone. I will get back here after work. Holding your hand for support.

parentrecovers

Here's the first 3 suggested steps from AA. I look them often, when I am struggling in my own recovery. Blessings, K


1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Tazman53

Parentrecovers gave it verbatim, without this step no alcoholic or drug addict can begin to walk the road to sobriety.

I tried for the last 10 years I drank to NOT be powerless over alcohol, I tried to drink like a normal person, all that did was keep me drunk, I tried to prove I had power over alcohol by not drinking, all I did was reward myself for not drinking by drinking!

Until I finally admitted to myself that I could not control alcohol, that it controled me I continued to drink!

I also had to come to the point of admitting to myself that my life had become unmanageable..... no way I thought was my life unmanageable, I worked every day!!! Of course my wife paid all the bills, my wife paid everything, all I did was give her the money left over from my drinking! I managed to stop going on vacations, stop fishing, stop camping, stop doing every thing except drink!! It took me a long time to realize that if I were on my own totally I could not manage a damn thing except getting and staying drunk.

Are you ready to admit you are powerless over alcohol and that your life has become unmanageable?

1_day@_a_time

"Yet........I WONT do anything about it.."

BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT READY TO SURRENDER & TAKE A DIFFEERNT PATH, YOU HAVE NOT HIT YOUR BOTTOM. GUESS YOU ARE NOT DONE........

"You all must be sooo sick of me......"

BET NOBODY IS SICK OF YOU, your repeated behavior?

"You are 32 YEARS OLD!"..........

I DID NOT GET SOBER UNTIL 45.

YOU have a chance many, many, many, MANY PEOPLE DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alcoholism is a DISEASE.

Why don't you STOP TREATING YOURSELF AND GET HELP, GET INVOLVED IN FORMAL RECOVERY.

PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR A$$*

Don't take offense, take action.

* I need to hear it like this, you too?

wiscgirl30

Thank you so much for that....

wiscgirl30

And....
#1 My life is most definitely unmanagable.

I already KNOW I cant "drink like a normal person" as I try this all the time. I am glad that I am here on this site right now when nothing "that" bad happened last night. I honestly dont want to hit rock bottom.......

stone

Hi wiscgirl, I know exactly how you feel as I drank last night too.

You are still trying and that is the most important thing (so am I).

parentrecovers

wiscgirl - you wrote above:

"I am glad that I am here on this site right now when nothing "that" bad happened last night."

i agree, even in times of pain and crisis, i have many things to be glad about and grateful for. blessings, k

wiscgirl30

I just am sick right now. I feel like such a total L-O-S-E-R. I am so "sick and tired of being sick and tired" as we all say on here... Im so sick of not being able to function at work, had to cancel a meeting with my son's school because I feel so terrible... It is just pathetic. I just dont want to be like this anymore! I am so envious of all of you who are sitting there reading this sober right now....you are very lucky...though I know you helped yourself and I can too....

TINLIZZY

Wiscgirl -

Sounds like you may be ready for a change. You know that the "bad things" will only continue to happen and get even worse.

I know that I will not drink today, how about you??

TinLizzy

wiscgirl30

I definitely will not drink today....

escape2day

sounds good to me! i am going to join you

parentrecovers

well well well, all good news above - wisc, escape, and tin! blessings, k

doorknob

Word!

topetah

your not alone thats for sure. i keep slipping myself. seems i cant get ahold of this monster on my back. i had 20 days sober and blew it yet again. got drunk wanted some coke. scored my dope now im broke. car tags are due and i have no money left. i was so upset sunday that i drank 4 40 ouncers to get the shame guilt feeling away. woke up the next day still with the same problems. why do we do this? i want to know. i wish there was the addictive part in are brain we could just cut out and be done with this. but its not that easy. but hey. i went from drinking 4 times a week to once a month. thats gotta be good news dont you think. someday i will get ahold of this. im just tired of always letting myself down time and time again. i wish you luck...jason

angie9

Hey wiscgirl30 how are you today. Im like you the day after I have a drinking binge and feeling sorry for myself I come here and go on about how sorry I am. Its dam hard this and I dont have the answers hell Im still trying to find them!! but with all support here and going to AA this thursday Im gonna give it a dam good try. Am I scared heck yeah terrified I loathe dentists but for some reason thats nothing compared to the thought of this. Please keep posting lurking I need this place and thank God Ive found it.
Ang