Skarsnik

I really dont know how to start this. I'm at my wits end and not sure where to turn, but I know I need help. Again.

I'm not the type of person to reach out like this, I'm normally a strong person, but I cannot do this, I cannot keep destroying my life in this way. I've been drinking heavily again over the last 9 months and the rate of intake has increased. My life was going well, I only got married last year to a wife I love so very much, yet I'm destroying what I have built up over so long. I cannot live the day out with out some drink, in whatever form, it's a struggle and I just cant seem to stop.

The last time I was placed into hospital for my own good, having tried to commit suicide, it was a forced rehab, of which I was restricted to my room for weeks with little to no couselling. Where and who do I turn to from here? What can I do? I need to know I can fix this and make things better again? I want my life back. I just need....... something.. anything..

mikel60

Hi Skarsnik,
You are in the right place. Many people here can give great advice. I was a daily drinker who staggered to an AA meeting 11 1/2 years ago and have not had a drink since I polished off a bottle of rum after my second meeting. I found a lot of helpful, caring people there - people who had the same problem but were beating it. Remember, alcohol is the heavyweight champ. No matter how strong you are, it can kick your rear. However, in unity there is more strength. AA worked for me. Drunk or sober, you might want to give it a try. Check in with a doctor, too. I'm pulling for you.
Mike in Boston

JEI2950

I too am married to a very patient woman , not to say that she hasn't put me in my place , yelled at me , ignored me ect. in regards to my addiction , But there is something that happens during that moment of clarity , during those nights that I could not go to sleep , and I'm just laying next to her and watching her sleep and realizing how much I really love her and I want to make her happy for once, stay dedicated to my resolves and make a honest and sincere effort to seek help , attend meetings , read literature ,whatever it takes because the love that I have for her forces me to even attempt to change , simply because I feel as though she deserves that ,some may say that the effort must be made because of YOU , that you have to do it for you , that may be true but in a case like mine , I had to start ,because of her , I can live without alcohol and drugs , but trying to imagine my life without her is unbearable . I have slipped so many times that it is'nt funny , (sometimes I feel as though I have the worst record of repeat offenders at SR) but it is through my continual genuine efforts that my wife has the ability to see past my relapses (sometimes ) and see the man that I am trying to be. it has motivated her to try to hold on a little harder and made me want to try harder for her , as well as myself . I hope that you find someway not to drink ( here it comes ..) just for today and post often as there will be assistance and advice coming that may help you , STAY STRONG , prayers are with you , PEACE JEI

Rusty Zipper

skars... welcome to recovery...

what a start you have... "Wits End' & you know you Need Help"...

recovery tip... a good doc, a good A.A. Group, not a meeting, or some recovery program... one cant do it alone...

tip two... fess up if ya haven't... to the wife, and ask her to help too..

and as mike mentioned... i would be a idiot if i thought i could go in the ring with mike tyson...

you do the footwork, and things can get way better...

recovery before anything else...

good wishes to you skars...

xxoo, zip

Skarsnik

Thankyou all for the kind responses. I know this is not going to be easy. more-so for the wife. As for confessing, unfortunatly both the wife and I have found out and realised the hard way. It's difficult for me to say and quiet honestly I'm ashamed and disgusted at myself. I just hope i can keep avoiding drink and try, oh so try, very hard, to be a better man than I am now.

I will be posting and talking on these forums as much as possible for me to do. At this time I realise I need as much support in this endeavour. More than anything else I have done in my life this has to work out. Somehow.

parentrecovers

it's nice to meet you, skarsnik. revcovery is possible. keep posting! blessings, k

TINLIZZY

Skarsnik -

Welcome to SR.

For me, I could not do this alone. Go to a meeting, go to a meeting, go to a meeting . . . .

When they ask if there are newcomers, proudly raise your hand and introduce yourself. Hang out after the meeting in the parking lot, foyer, vestabule, whatever. The other memebers will come and talk to you, offer advice, phone numbers. Use the numbers! Call a couple of people, tell them you enjoyed the meeting, are struggling, having a good/bad day, it doesn't matter. The WILL be there for you!

Go to a doctor, and be honest. Look into and inpatient/outpatient program where you can get some counseling and education. I go to outpateint and it is tremendously helpful! It's only three nights per week, and I'm at home with my family.

Stay strong and keep posting.

TinLizzy

wiscgirl30

I dont have much to add, but wanted you to know I read your thread and cant relate and understand totally how you are feeling.... we will be okay....

Astro

Thank you for sharing some beautiful thoughts, JEI. In my first sober months of March & April of 2005 I'd lie awake and watch the woman I married sleep, trying to remember what it was like before my disease had escalated to the point of insanity and abuse. She'd given up on me long before that, the man she had married was gone, and there was no way in her eyes to heal the damage that I'd done.

Skarsnik, it's not too late for you to get help and to have a life in sobriety beyond your dreams. AA has given me that as well as more friends than I thought was possible. Treatment or rehab might be what you need, so see a doctor first if you can. One thing I know for sure is that nobody ever dies from NOT drinking.