mimi54321

OK, so I start my 7 day detox tomorrow at 6am. Sitting here typing, I am scared...alcohol - among other things - has been my crutch for as long as I can remember (I'm 31 now).

Today I woke up with a solid stone in my stomach, anxiety. I've overdone it this weekend, got trashed.

But, I am also SO determined to sort things out, I am losing my life and I need to fight it. I always was a fighter, determined, ambitious etc. Alcohol and drugs has taken all that away. I hope it is still there, I think it is. I'll find out over the next couple of weeks.

I'm staying at my sister's for the detox, I'm very lucky.

I wanted to start this thread as I wanted to start a journal on my detox and recovery. I'm sure many of you can relate to my feelings.

Fingers crossed. I'd love to hear other detox stories.

Back tomorrow.

M xx

parentrecovers

i'll be thinking about you, mimi. prayers coming your way, k

Anna

I'm glad you're doing this and that you will keep us posted.

Aysha

Good choice Mimi. We are the same age and I am sure like me and many others here..we have all felt that way. But just remember ..Always keep fighting..Never ever give up. EVER!!! Glad you are here.

mimi54321

God, its SO nice to feel heard. Thank you for all your posts. I am IN IT TO WIN IT!!

I am so determined, so scared and so upset. Scared of changing, not sure what I'll find, what to do with my time, will my boyfriend still love me?

What do I do to fill in my time? Sorry just thinking out loud....

M x

concolor1

That you absolutely don't associate with drinking or using. My first few weeks I was staying with a friend who did ceramics as a hobby, and I followed him over to the cermanic shop and made a vase and bowl . . .

Who cares how it looked? The point was it gave me something to do besides sitting around and focusing on how bad I felt . . .

Pick something like that; the hokier the better, and remember, it's not the rest of your life, it's one-day-at-a-time . . .

Aysha

My favorite sayin..Still in it to win.
Those are normal emotions.Think about you and getting you better.
Things to fill your time? There are lots of things.
Read..think about what life is gonna be like clean. Make progress most of all. Use your time wisely.

ayla zaire

i just want to wish you luck....and say to just keep busy.....figure out things you like to do sober, go for walks....read, be creative.......you can do this, don't quit...

stone

Hi mimi, good luck with the detox and after. Keep posting and let us know how you are getting on, we need more UK members posting here!

gypsytears

Hi mimi . I'm looking foward to reading your online journal. I don't really have a detox story for you, but as you said many here will be able to relate. I stopped drinking about 5 months ago and SR has been an important part of my recovery process. Your feelings are very real and if you post you will most definitely be heard. This is a great place for info and support .

hope3

You are doing the right thing, good luck.

Stay in touch, hope3

IO Storm

Mimi:

I would love to be a part of your on line journal. The first

part is simply not picking up the drink. And the hardest.

My best to you dear.

Love,

:

Sherry

Done_With_It

Hope

Good luck! I am thinking of you!
Keep us updated!

Change4life

I was really scared when I decide to finally truly detox. For a long time I was just substituting one substance for another. I had a friend let me stay with them to detox, but I screwed that up but good. Now we arent even speaking. I finally had to go to a hospital to detox. Because of my dual addictions I needed medical attention and supervision. You are lucky to be able to do this while around family members that care and are willing to help you. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
I wish the best. Good luck to you.

mimi54321

OK, Day 1.

Its 10am, I took my first 20mg of Librium at 6am. It already feels like its wearing off. I had an ok sleep, mental dreams, total chaos in my head I guess. I am panicking, even though I wouldn't have had a drink by this time of day, I'm still dreading not being able to later.

Spoke to my bf, he's been away for the weekend and got back this morning. Just talking to him about what a good time he had going out etc, makes me feel sick with jealousy, I love him so much and I'm praying he'll help me through this when I've done the detox. He says he will, but he's quite a drinker and loves socialising.

We've been living together since November last year, since then I've been gradually getting worse, not wanting to let him down, trying to be upbeat when inside I'm falling to pieces.

I just want to cry or die. This is hell. But I have to keep it up, it will ruin me if I don't and I'll lose my boyfriend and family and everything I care about. It feels like I'm losing a lover, if that makes sense...

Just remember IN IT TO WIN IT!!

M x

lostmdboy

Mimi, The first couple days are pretty much hell, but i promiss it does get better. do what ever it takes but stay sober. it is so worth it.

stone

Keep strong mimi, it is natural for your emotions to be all over the place. Be proud you are doing something to be a friend to yourself.

Here is a quote that describes my attitude to quitting

'Those of you who have had, or still have, strong addictions and are working all the time with that urge, with that craving, with that drive to do something self-destructive yet again, you know that there has to be the willingness to fully acknowledge what's happening. Then there is the willingness to refrain from having just one more drink, or refrain from binge eating or whatever it is.

It has to be done in some way that you equate it with loving kindness towards yourself, friendliness and warmth towards yourself, rather than equating it with some kind of straight jacket that you're putting on yourself, because then you get into the struggle.

--Pema Chodron'

good luck mimi!

mimi54321

Well, its 3pm. I've just eaten some lunch, and feeling exhausted. I wish this anxiety would go away. The librium is helping but I just wonder how hard it would be without it.

I still feel scared of losing my boyfriend. He's been through a lot for me(stating the obvious) but I will lose him for sure if I don't do this...

I hope the anxiety and paranoia will go? Will it? Is it normal to feel paranoid? I know these are obvious questions to ask but I'm just speaking my thoughts....

Am also beginning to dread the evening ahead, my first evening with no booze for as long as I can remember....I just wish it was over....

M x

Lollipop

Hiyas Mimi!

Congrats on taking the first and most important step towards a new life!!! I can relate to everything that you are feeling right now, as I am sure so many of us can. Fear of any type of change is a normal human response.
When I think back to my detox, something that comes to mind is all the different emotions that I went through. From depression and a sense of "loss" to anger and jealousy. At first, I didnt realize what I was feeling or see it for what it was, there were days that I got so frustrated. At the time, I couldnt see it but looking back now, I can see where each day clean made me stronger. I cant actually tell you when exactly it was that I realized "Hey, Im SOBER and I really LIKE it!" It just sorda happened for me.
The thing is that I believe that if I had been able to see my emotions for what they were, I would have known that it was all part of the process.
Stay strong, you CAN do this!!! You ARE doing it!!!! Congrats!!!!! Keep posting, we are all here for you!
~HUGS!~
Liss