day 1 and counting....
 

I've been reading a lot of the posts and it sounds like a lot of people have or are going through what I'm going through. I have posted here before, but it's been a very long time. Back the last couple of times that I tried to quit. This time is different, though. I have told my husband, something I didn't do before. I'm also going to tell a couple of my best friends, when before I just told them that I was dieting and that's why I was cutting back. My Husband and I actually had a long, sobbing, crying discussion last night. On our way home from dinner at a friends' house, I passed out. I awoke merely to vomit (fortunately in a barf bag). My two kids, 8 and 11 were with us and they were very concerned. I don't think that they related the vomiting to the drinking. I think my husband just told them that I was car-sick. (Not unusual as both of my kids get car-sick. Hence, the handy Barf-bags in the car). My bad time is at night. I don't drink during the day, but come that 5 pm hour, I'm craving it big-time, and I don't usually stop until I've had at least 6 or 7. Sometimes more. I often sneak in alchohol if I know that I'm going to be somewhere for a long time and it's not avialable. Last weekend I snuck vodka into my daughter's dance competition. How lame am I???? Last time I tried to quit, I took Campral, a prescription drug prescribed by my doctor to decrease the cravings. It seemed to help some, but it's very expensive! I guess it's still cheaper than buy wine, though! Has anyone else used Campral and what were your results?

I'm very nervous about this first week. I'm nervous about telling my frinds, but I think that will be easier than hearing them constantly ask me to have a drink with them. I'm determined to have a better life than this. Both for me and my family. I wish it could be different, and that I could have the occasional social drink without going overboard. But after last night, I know that's not how it is. I'm 39 and I want to live a long and healthy life. I'm going to the gym tomorrow and will be trying to focus myself on more positive things in my life. I want to lose about 20 pounds (Not drinking so much should help!)
Any advice is welcome. I know I will do it this time. I have to!

Hi Laura and welcome back..Glad you are here.
Hey..Day 1 is a good start. Don't you think?
You can do it.

Laura
 

You are not alone. I'm going to spend some time reading your post and get back with you.

Welcome to SR, you're with friends now that want to help and love you.

Hang in there,
Ed

Laura,

You seem to have a strong desire to do something different this time. Have you ever tried AA? I know that's a bad word for some, but it has helped millions of people all over the world. Remember Laura, you don't have to do this all by yourself. You have a family here at SR but more importantly you have a God lookig over your shoulder waiting for you to ask Him for his help. If you reach out to Him, He will give you what you need if you're really ready to work for it. You also have a family at AA of people are just like you. For the time being, just take it easy. absorb only what you can.

With your stated desire, you will progress as far as you want to. You'll just have to do the footwork that God gives you. In other words, you have to help Him help you.

Chin up now Laura, you're on of His children and he will bless you for sure.

Your friend in sobriety,
steady eddie

This place is awesome, isn't it Laura ?

Welcome !
peace
D

I think I'm going to try a meeting this week. The hardest thing is that I need most of my help at night. But at night, I'm helping with homework, dinner, kids' activities, etc. And although my husband will help, I love doing these things. They're in school all day and this is my time to catch up with them. My best time to go to a meeting would be while they're in school, but that's not when I need it. That's why this site is good. Everyone is in bed and I have not missed out on any family time.

thanks for your positive words.

Laura -

Probably one of the best things you can do is get your husband on board. Family support, especially a spouse, can be invaluable. You've taken a great first step, and don't worry about your friend's reactions -

I'm not drinking because:

I'm not feeling altogether tonight
I'm on a diet
I'm taking some medication which will react with alcohol
I have an early meeting/appointment/etc.
I'm not drinking

You'll find that the person that thinks about your drinking/not drinking the most is you. Other people will not notice, and if they do, give them an excuse or tell them to mind their own business.

Sneaking vodka was my wakeup call.

Congratulations on the first step, and welcome to the SR family!

TinLizzy

laura, welcome to sr.....and welcome to sobriety......it is very brave of you to tell your husband....and your friends........it's takes a lot of courage to reach out and admit you have a problem, especially as a wife and mother.....we solve everyone else's problems....and don't often take the time to deal with our own......

i'm really glad you found us....you will find support and friendship here, and realise that you are not alone......you are not the only mother going through this.........

here is a link to a thread with many mothers just like you....so many of us know exactly what you are going through, the fear and guilt you are feeling......the insecurity and confusion about just how you ended up with such a problem........and how on earth you are going to get and stay sober while caring for a family.......we've all been there, we all have less than a year of sobriety......we'll be your friend, it is priceless having women who get exactly what you are going through.......please jump right in......you are always welcome....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-23-a.html
hugs
ayla

(((((Laura))))) welcome back :)

Laura, Welcome back. When 5 o'clock rolled around for me there had better not be anyone in my way of drinking,and I was not happy till I has 6-7 in me to settle my nerves. Then I could start some serious drinking. :D Man what a terrible disease. I look back I can not emagine living like that. Admitting to my wife that I had a problem was the hardest thing for me, because of all the lies I had told her. How I did not have a problem. I could quit any time. If she only new the full extent of my drinking she would have had me locked up. Any way when I told her I was quitting and starting AA it was like a huge weight was lifted of me. So hopefully this will happen to you when you tell your friends. Good luck. :D

Hi Laura!
Welcome back to SR! Congrats on taking the first step! Please check out the Mom thread, there is a TON of support from a bunch of us Moms there. A great group of ladies, and men!

Stay strong, and remember, one day at a time!
~HUGS!~ Liss

Since my husband was driving the car while I was puking my guts out in front of my children, I don't think I had much choice. I admitted to him that I had been sneaking more drinks than even what he saw. He wasn't surprised. He has said that he will do anything for me, for us, for our family and for our marriage. While that's all wonderful, I feel even more like s**t that I've been lying to him. He deserves so much better than that. I guess this is the self-esteem part. While I physically feel really good-- no hangover, no problem sleeping,-- emotionally I still feel like crap. I started back on some antidepressants.. and even told my husband that I was taking them. I had once gone to a behavioral therapist about a year ago who prescribed them to me, along with the Campral. I haven't started taking the Campral yet as I am out of it and need a new Rx. Has anyone tried it? Did it work?

Thanks so much for all of the support and advice. I really need to know that there is someplace that I can share these feelings with who have been where I am. It's a HUGE help! While I want to try AA, I am afraid that I will see people that I know, and that they will think "Well, it's about time!" I guess I'm just projecting mt own thoughts here.

I have Bunco tonight... a place where I usually drink quite a bit. I'm trying to decide if I should go or not. I don't think that I'm ready for the temptation.

it's nice to see you here, laura. stay focused on your recovery. blessings, k

Hi, Laura- Yuor story sounds a lot like mine! One day I just said.. enough!

I did start AA- day mtgs, but you gain knowledge and the tools you need to help you thru the bad times. At wine:o'clock I felt like I was coming out of my skin!!! I was on SR all the time. The people here are amazing!

I always snuck alcohol into movies, or anywhere I knew I'd be "stuck" for too long. It is a lifestyle change and a huge learning process. I am just now learning how to live day to day on my own without alcohol. It is a process. Keep coming back- as for friends- true friends will support you. You don't have to tell everyone at once. YOU choose who you want to tell and when. You will know the right time. I can tell you that every time you say it out loud a big weight is lifted. It is really freeing to stop living the lie every day.

Good luck- pm me anytime if you want to talk.

Hi Laura,

I will be thinking of you...Keep coming here, the support is overwhelming in a good way...

Laura, congratulations..remember you still have your husband and children...always be grateful...I've been battling alcohol for 35 years..Ive been to AA-read all kinds of self-help books--Bible...But I've lost all my support...The only support I have is with other drinkers..been there and done that.. Every morning I wake up feeling positive--by noon I'm walking the floor..Finally yesterday at 6PM I called a drinking friend and said my eyes are swelled shut from crying--can you go get me a 30 pack...So today I start over.. More than likely if you keep drinking It will only go down hill...Hang on to what you got Laura--its lonely at the bottom.............

Thanks for all of the words of encouragement. I may have a new addiction, though. I can't seem to get off this dam computer and get back to life!

Wezzy- at least you are starting over. I originally joined here last year, lasted about a week, and am just now getting back. I justified that if I could stop for a week, then I didn't really have a problem. But here I am a year later, and more realistic. Congratulations on day one. I'm only on day 2 myself. We can lift each other up. I need all the lifting I can get, and it certainly helps to know that I am not alone in my battle. While I know that I am fortunate to have my husband and children, I realize that I won't have them for long if I continue on this path.

Be strong.

Thx for the support....I'll tell ya --Actually my 14 year old son left three weeks ago to go live with his dad..It wasnt because of my drinking...He wasnt taken away from me...But damn I know my drinking caused him shame and pain.........He was all I had left....I feel like a loser..But I still have moments of positive thoughts...When I was younger I could bounce back --Its tuff now........But you go girl-------The world is a wonderful place through sober eyes........Once again thx for responding..I'm so lonely....

hey wezzy - i don't think i've met you. welcome! you're not a loser, this is a tough disease.

it's great to see you and laura p supporting each other the past few days. i hope you both keep posting and find the encouragement you need here.

blessings, k