I need help...that's to the point isn't it?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: brooksville, KY
Posts: 10
I need help...that's to the point isn't it?
Ok, where to start? My name is Ashlin, and I have a drug problem...isn't that how I am supposed to do it? I guess that this isn't really the time or place for jokes, but that's how I have always attempted to hide the fact that I really need help...with laughter and sarcasm. It's not working anymore. I'm 19 years old and I have had a drug problem since well...14 sounds right. I don't know why I started using pills, most people would say that I have had it pretty easy, coming from an upper middle-class family with a father that would try to hang the moon in my window if he could, but love isn't always enough now is it? I need help, and I need someone to talk to who wont try to psycho-analyze me. I've been through my fair share of therapists and I have very strong opinions about them...what I really need is someone to talk to who isn't lisenced (I don't think I spelled that right, but oh well) The only reason I had the courage to post this is honestly because I have a buzz right now...so please someone...anyone. help a girl out
Raised from the Dead
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Chicago
Posts: 376
Originally Posted by Ashlin 
Ok, where to start? My name is Ashlin, and I have a drug problem...isn't that how I am supposed to do it? I guess that this isn't really the time or place for jokes, but that's how I have always attempted to hide the fact that I really need help...with laughter and sarcasm. It's not working anymore. I'm 19 years old and I have had a drug problem since well...14 sounds right. I don't know why I started using pills, most people would say that I have had it pretty easy, coming from an upper middle-class family with a father that would try to hang the moon in my window if he could, but love isn't always enough now is it? I need help, and I need someone to talk to who wont try to psycho-analyze me. I've been through my fair share of therapists and I have very strong opinions about them...what I really need is someone to talk to who isn't lisenced (I don't think I spelled that right, but oh well) The only reason I had the courage to post this is honestly because I have a buzz right now...so please someone...anyone. help a girl out
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
Posts: 1,011
Ashlin you came to a good place, you will find a lot answers, help and support here. No one will judge or try to analyze you. Read around there is a lot of information here... My vice was alcohol from 14.... but it took me 30 years to ask for help... you are so doing the right thing...
Evolving Addict
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Posts: 3,067
Welcome
Hi Ashlin,
Welcome to SR. You've taken the first and most important step toward recovery by reaching out for help. Help is available from the numerous members here who have gone through just what you've described. Your willingness to receive the help thats offered is what counts right now. I don't know exactly what drug you're taking and/or whether you're able to stop cold turkey, but my suggestion would be to try to attend NA meetings in your area...they're free! You don't have to join or say a word - just listen. Once you feel comfortable, you can introduce yourself as a newcomer and you'll be pleased with the support offered. I also suggest getting honest about your drug use with loved ones and the family doctor in case drug treatment or hospitalization is required (withdrawal).
Best wishes & keep coming back,
GarryW
Welcome to SR. You've taken the first and most important step toward recovery by reaching out for help. Help is available from the numerous members here who have gone through just what you've described. Your willingness to receive the help thats offered is what counts right now. I don't know exactly what drug you're taking and/or whether you're able to stop cold turkey, but my suggestion would be to try to attend NA meetings in your area...they're free! You don't have to join or say a word - just listen. Once you feel comfortable, you can introduce yourself as a newcomer and you'll be pleased with the support offered. I also suggest getting honest about your drug use with loved ones and the family doctor in case drug treatment or hospitalization is required (withdrawal).
Best wishes & keep coming back,
GarryW
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: brooksville, KY
Posts: 10
Man, I'm glad that I stumbled upon this website, everyone is so nice and understanding. I guess I can just type for awhile and get some of this stuff off my chest...honesty right? If you want to read it all you can, or just skim. whichever works. My parents divorced when I was nine, and my father recieved sole custody of me and my younger sister Kristen (who is 15 now and means the world to me) my Mother proceeded to go through a countless number of men, until one finally stuck around, and mom developed a problem with a point....and some heroin to go along with it. John (his name) and my mom moved to aberdeen for the easy access to their drug of choice and the picturesque trailer park. I've seen some horrible things to be so young, some of which I will never be able to recover from. Being 14 years old and watching my drunk stepfather throw beer bottles at my mom while she was forced to stand in a corner, so high she didn't even really care as long as she could keep chasing that buzz, that's one scene that will forever play a part in my nightmares. My mom did finally become sober and hasn't stuck anything in her arm for 2 years and 4 months now, but I'm so scared because I am just like her in some ways. Her bad choice in men for one, and that terrifies me as well. The one thing that I can say, with pride, is that a needle has never entered my arm by my own devices or, and never will. I'm scared of the doctor for crying out loud. My drug of choice (am I allowed to put this stuff on here?) is oxycontin, and pretty much anything else that I can get ahold of...never been much of a drinker or a speeder. I just moved back home after a year and a half of living with a guy that shot up, something I swore I would never put up with, and yet did anyway. Stupid me right? But my Dad believes me to be six days sober...he just doesn't know I have 6 oc 40's in my dresser drawer. I want to flush them so bad, but I just can't and it makes me feel disgusting to know what I'm doing to him. I really want to change and be the person that my Dad and sister say they remember me being, but I just can't feel that girl inside me anymore...she's gone, and that terrifies me to. Am I fooling myself thinking that calling these rehab centers is actually a step forward when I've been lying the whole time? I must be...
-Ashlin
Say goodbye, as we dance with the devil tonight.
Don't you dare look at him in the eye, as we dance with the devil tonight
I won't last long, in this world so wrong
-Ashlin
Say goodbye, as we dance with the devil tonight.
Don't you dare look at him in the eye, as we dance with the devil tonight
I won't last long, in this world so wrong
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
Posts: 1,011
They lies will stop when you stop... calling rehabs is an awesome step...if you want to flush them just do it... start now be honest with your dad... tell him it is time... and you are going to rehab... it sounds like that is what you really want for yourself...
... I am not usually up this late and don't much about pill abuse but i just thought since i was I would throw my 2 cents in for what it is worth...
... I am not usually up this late and don't much about pill abuse but i just thought since i was I would throw my 2 cents in for what it is worth...
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Hi Ashlin.
I am so glad you found us. This board is so full of support, understanding, encouragement, and information. Although My DOC is not pills. I have almost 4 weeks clean now. Doesnt seem long but after a 20 year addiction and the lifestyle I lived I am so grateful that I am here to fight another day.
I never dealt with family addiction too much just a few family members being Alcoholics and my dad has 20 years sober. He use to beat my mother all the time and my stepmother. But he woke up finally and went to rehab and then AA for like a year and he's been clean ever since.
Well enough about me....I need you to understand that the girl you are looking for is most definately not gone. Just lost. I use to think the same thing. I took oxys 1 time and hated them Thank god.
I can see that you are willing to change and find that girl that is lost in you somewhere. You just need to take the mask off and let her beautiful light shine again. You are not fooling yourself by reaching out and calling rehabs. It is at least an effort. So that means you are willing to fight and you are still in it to win. ( I love that sayin)
You need to find it in yourself to want it bad enough to go to whatever lengths to get clean. This is your life hun. You are not only hurting yourself but also the ones who love you.
You are in there and she is struggling to break free. Because you wouldnt be here and trying to at least try to find help. Set her free sweety. It will be hard but nothing good ever is easy. But the rewards are so worth it. You are worth it.
I will be thinking of you and please never think you are beyond repair.
We are all here for you. Keep postin. Never Ever Give up. I cant stress that enough. No matter how many times you may fall...always get right back up and keep trying.
I am so glad you found us. This board is so full of support, understanding, encouragement, and information. Although My DOC is not pills. I have almost 4 weeks clean now. Doesnt seem long but after a 20 year addiction and the lifestyle I lived I am so grateful that I am here to fight another day.
I never dealt with family addiction too much just a few family members being Alcoholics and my dad has 20 years sober. He use to beat my mother all the time and my stepmother. But he woke up finally and went to rehab and then AA for like a year and he's been clean ever since.
Well enough about me....I need you to understand that the girl you are looking for is most definately not gone. Just lost. I use to think the same thing. I took oxys 1 time and hated them Thank god.
I can see that you are willing to change and find that girl that is lost in you somewhere. You just need to take the mask off and let her beautiful light shine again. You are not fooling yourself by reaching out and calling rehabs. It is at least an effort. So that means you are willing to fight and you are still in it to win. ( I love that sayin)
You need to find it in yourself to want it bad enough to go to whatever lengths to get clean. This is your life hun. You are not only hurting yourself but also the ones who love you.
You are in there and she is struggling to break free. Because you wouldnt be here and trying to at least try to find help. Set her free sweety. It will be hard but nothing good ever is easy. But the rewards are so worth it. You are worth it.
I will be thinking of you and please never think you are beyond repair.
We are all here for you. Keep postin. Never Ever Give up. I cant stress that enough. No matter how many times you may fall...always get right back up and keep trying.
Evolving Addict
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Posts: 3,067
Thanks for sharing, Ashlin.
By revealing a little more of yourself to others, you allow others to help you. I'm in total agreement with Chiynita...that girl you once knew is STILL you! The drugs and lifestyle that comes with using has caused her to hide, but you can show her the way to come back to the surface by getting honest with yourself and others about your addiction. I know it may seem like the worst option right now, but telling on our addiction not only reduces it's hold on us, it also allows us to be helped. Remember that you never have to do this alone.
It also may seem like the trauma of our past experiences can prevent us from moving on, but keep in mind that yesterday is gone and we can't change it. In recovery, we learn to accept stuff for what it is and not take on what isn't ours. Shame, guilt, disappointment, etc... are all a part of life and sh!t happens all the time. So what? We make bad choices, we make mistakes, people don't live up to our expectations... that doesn't mean they don't love us or that we're worthless...we're all human and prone to be imperfect.
Sure, you want to change so your family can see you as you once were... and that's okay, but meaningful and long lasting changes happen when we do this for ourselves. We find that when we do it for ourselves, everything else falls into place. Rehab can be a very positive move, don't disqualify yourself before you give it a sincere attempt. Lost dreams are awakened and new possibilities arise once we learn how to live life on it's own terms without the use of drugs.
We're here for you!
oh yeah, I'm an owl and stay up late every night. Welcome!!!
By revealing a little more of yourself to others, you allow others to help you. I'm in total agreement with Chiynita...that girl you once knew is STILL you! The drugs and lifestyle that comes with using has caused her to hide, but you can show her the way to come back to the surface by getting honest with yourself and others about your addiction. I know it may seem like the worst option right now, but telling on our addiction not only reduces it's hold on us, it also allows us to be helped. Remember that you never have to do this alone.
It also may seem like the trauma of our past experiences can prevent us from moving on, but keep in mind that yesterday is gone and we can't change it. In recovery, we learn to accept stuff for what it is and not take on what isn't ours. Shame, guilt, disappointment, etc... are all a part of life and sh!t happens all the time. So what? We make bad choices, we make mistakes, people don't live up to our expectations... that doesn't mean they don't love us or that we're worthless...we're all human and prone to be imperfect.
Sure, you want to change so your family can see you as you once were... and that's okay, but meaningful and long lasting changes happen when we do this for ourselves. We find that when we do it for ourselves, everything else falls into place. Rehab can be a very positive move, don't disqualify yourself before you give it a sincere attempt. Lost dreams are awakened and new possibilities arise once we learn how to live life on it's own terms without the use of drugs.
We're here for you!
oh yeah, I'm an owl and stay up late every night. Welcome!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Hi Ashlin,
man I wished I would've had the courage to ask for help @19....that was nearly a lifetime ago for me (well, one of your lifetimes anyway !)...
I've only been here a couple of days, but coming here really has been one of the smartest things I've done...lots of good people helping to restore my faith that good people really do still exist...
hope to see you around - good luck !
peace
D
man I wished I would've had the courage to ask for help @19....that was nearly a lifetime ago for me (well, one of your lifetimes anyway !)...
I've only been here a couple of days, but coming here really has been one of the smartest things I've done...lots of good people helping to restore my faith that good people really do still exist...
hope to see you around - good luck !
peace
D
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hello ashlin, it's nice to meet you! i have a 22 year old daughter in her first year of recovery from alcohol and cocaine abuse. she goes to aa and na - that really helps her. there are a lot of folks your age in those programs. she also went to rehab, and that was very helpful. keep posting - recovery is possible. blessings, k
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 859
Hey Ashlin,
Welcome to SR.
How did it go with the leftover oxys? Did ya flush 'em? How are you today? I remember the morning I rolled in coming off a 3 day crack and alcohol high, I knew I needed to stop, Hell, I WANTED to!!! So I started surfing the net for info. on rehabs, talked to several of the places, and then talked to my Mom. I was sitting at the kitchen table completely out of my mind high and looking my Mom straight in the face and SWEARING I was NOT on anything.....I told her if I was, I wouldnt be asking for help.....I dunno if she believed me or not but she accepted the most important part of what I was saying.....I need HELP!
Later, after going through my first round of DTs and actually thinking somewhat clearly, I went back and talked to her some more, I said "Mom, I am the biggest liar ever".......and I told her the truth about that day....she looked me square in the eye and told me that she figured I was full of it that day but that she wasnt concerned with the lies I was telling so much as she was concerned with the TRUTH I was seeking......I havent lied to her since!
I guess what I am getting at here is that I discovered that the best thing for me to do was to be honest, to be honest with her FORCED me to be brutally honest with myself, it saved me from myself.
It was hard, at times it sucked and I even at one point convinced myself that it was my destiny to be an addict because of all my misfortune. I then realized that my misfortune was brought on by none other then myself and once I stuck to the honesty (first with myself), life got better, things,although still a struggle, did get easier and the longer I had honestly sober the better and stronger I felt!
This is a day by day, minute by minute process, you can do it! Stay strong, keep us informed, keep posting and reading, we are all here for you!!!
~HUGS!~
Liss
Welcome to SR.
How did it go with the leftover oxys? Did ya flush 'em? How are you today? I remember the morning I rolled in coming off a 3 day crack and alcohol high, I knew I needed to stop, Hell, I WANTED to!!! So I started surfing the net for info. on rehabs, talked to several of the places, and then talked to my Mom. I was sitting at the kitchen table completely out of my mind high and looking my Mom straight in the face and SWEARING I was NOT on anything.....I told her if I was, I wouldnt be asking for help.....I dunno if she believed me or not but she accepted the most important part of what I was saying.....I need HELP!
Later, after going through my first round of DTs and actually thinking somewhat clearly, I went back and talked to her some more, I said "Mom, I am the biggest liar ever".......and I told her the truth about that day....she looked me square in the eye and told me that she figured I was full of it that day but that she wasnt concerned with the lies I was telling so much as she was concerned with the TRUTH I was seeking......I havent lied to her since!
I guess what I am getting at here is that I discovered that the best thing for me to do was to be honest, to be honest with her FORCED me to be brutally honest with myself, it saved me from myself.
It was hard, at times it sucked and I even at one point convinced myself that it was my destiny to be an addict because of all my misfortune. I then realized that my misfortune was brought on by none other then myself and once I stuck to the honesty (first with myself), life got better, things,although still a struggle, did get easier and the longer I had honestly sober the better and stronger I felt!
This is a day by day, minute by minute process, you can do it! Stay strong, keep us informed, keep posting and reading, we are all here for you!!!
~HUGS!~
Liss
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
ashlin......welcome to sr....i'm glad you found us.....
you were right when you said that the girl you were is gone.....but you don't need to be afraid, because when you get clean you will become the woman you are meant to be.......
none of us are the same as we were before our addictions took over..........we can be better than that if we want to be......wiser, smarter and stronger than ever......if we choose to learn from our mistakes we can grow....
please do what it takes to get sober......be honest to your dad who loves you just like you are to us...and flush those pills.......you have the desire, now all you need to do is find the best way for you to get sober and stay that way....
good luck, sweetie
ayla
you were right when you said that the girl you were is gone.....but you don't need to be afraid, because when you get clean you will become the woman you are meant to be.......
none of us are the same as we were before our addictions took over..........we can be better than that if we want to be......wiser, smarter and stronger than ever......if we choose to learn from our mistakes we can grow....
please do what it takes to get sober......be honest to your dad who loves you just like you are to us...and flush those pills.......you have the desire, now all you need to do is find the best way for you to get sober and stay that way....
good luck, sweetie
ayla
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: brooksville, KY
Posts: 10
Well another day everybody....I guess it's been ok thus far, but no, I didn't flush my oxy's they're still in the second drawer of my dresser only there is one less there. I feel so weak yah know? why can't I just call my dad and tell him that I have 5 oc's in his house? I called the Hope Center today, that's a rehab facility in Lexington, and there is another place in Corbin that has a spot ready for me on May 3rd, but my ex called me again lastnight begging me to come back...says he'll change but I know he wont, the sad part is I can't just tell him no. so how is everyone else?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: SAN DIEGO, CA
Posts: 379
Ashlin,
Yes, you CAN tell him no. Reread your posts. Then read them again. Then reread all the responses. Then read them again.
You are so young, and are reaching out for help. You have been given some great advice. Figure out, with your father's help, which rehab is the best fit for you and set a date. In the meantime, go to meetings and keep busy. You CAN take your life back and you CAN find yourself again.
You have been through so much for being so young, that you must be a very strong person. Laughter and fortitude will carry you far.
TinLizzy
Yes, you CAN tell him no. Reread your posts. Then read them again. Then reread all the responses. Then read them again.
You are so young, and are reaching out for help. You have been given some great advice. Figure out, with your father's help, which rehab is the best fit for you and set a date. In the meantime, go to meetings and keep busy. You CAN take your life back and you CAN find yourself again.
You have been through so much for being so young, that you must be a very strong person. Laughter and fortitude will carry you far.
TinLizzy
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