Aysha

I had a great day. Started reading some family and friends threads and some of them really hit me. Made me look at myself when I was using and what affects it had on my grams. I never got it before really. Its different when you hear it differently I guess from someone other than who it is your doing it to. Now I am listening to sad songs and and really thinking about some of the crappy things I had done and how she must have felt. I mean I knew but Not really. If that makes sense. Awww..I feel like going in and waking her up and giving her the biggest hug ever right now. I need to change the music. It is not helping I know that. LOL.
Just needed to vent ..Thanks

nogard

this too shall pass.

You are so brave and courageous. People around you are getting it bit by bit by your example, sometimes thats the best amends we can do and then its great

Love Kevin

Pilgrim

Go give her a hug.

xx

ayla zaire

hi, chi.........we all have regrets.......you are doing so great and all you can do is move forward........and do give her that hug.......maybe wait till morning....lol...

love ya sweetie
ayla

nogard

Aysha

Yea she might slug me if I wake her up. She was pulling her hair out with 3 little ones trying to color messy eggs earlier. LOL

GlassPrisoner

Yeah, my 4th step did the same thing to me.

stone

Hi Chi, what is it Taz or Ed says?

'If you have one foot in the past and one in the future all you can do is crap all over today'.

Something like that anyway! You are doing brilliantly right now.

Aysha

You all are the best. I feel better already. Plus I just Imed my ex boss/ friend and his grams just died yesterday and few months earlier his mom and few months before that his step dad. So he needed to talk too. We joke alot and make each other laugh all the time. So that helped us both. And you guys are just too amazing for words. I will never forget any of you ever.

nogard

stay around chiy then won't be able to forget us.

Aysha

Yall are stuck with me.
CAn you tell I love my graphics???

IO Storm

No, WE love your graphics. I feel like you are our baby,

Chiy. You have a gift of brightening our day. You remind

me so much of my friend Shirley. Haven't seen her in a

while. But that girl had these dimples, and a smile that

ate Cincinatti. Ang giving, always giving. A tip, some

advice for you so early in recovery, babe.

Stay with the winners, reach out to the newcomers,

learn, and grow, be with family, cherish each new day

and guard your recovery. There will be time when you

can help the codependents, but the truth is, many are not

ready to get well yet, and it will only make you feel sad.

I do not go there often, the wounds are still too fresh for

me, and when I do affer advice, real tools that helped me

in my co dependency, and actually worked, the thread seems

to kinda close up, go cold, and then pick up back where it

started . I just get out and find a newbie to help.

You do not need any discouragement right now.

We need you Chiy, to spread that love and light around.

We need so many folks to greet the newcomers. You

just have the heart for it, one addict helping another.

Keep on keepin' on.

Love,

Your friend,



Sherry

chicago

in early sobriety i felt overwhelmed by feelings of shame and regret over my behavior while using. step work is the answer to this problem. you will no longer regret the past and instead use ut to give other people hope. your dark past is the greatest possesion you have and it can be used to avert death and misery for others (family afterward).

SaTiT

Chyinita...R you crazy or what ???
I get it...u just want to see if your dream was real in F&F section.
No...U were sleep walking
I go into F&F section cuz I'm a recoverying lunatic=codi.
You learned tho.lol

Easy dose it.......
My sponsor kept me on step #1 for reasons.
First it's was beucase i havn't fully detox and I was still on
And a lot of the stuff wasn't going to retain. I needed to heal.
I still havn't fully grasp the concept of living and enjoying life
without the use of drugs and alcohol...i needed to experince that.

mmm...they put all that stuff about making amends on the later
part of the 12 steps for reasons ...ya know.

Aysha

No disrespect satit.. But I am taking it as it comes. Those steps dont mean anything if I am not feeling them. I go with what I know. And right now I know I have made quite an inspection on my past and never really relized how much my addiction affected my loved ones. If it takes me to read from others posts to relize it. Then so be it. There is no instruction manual as far as I am concerned. I am not knocking it. But I go with what is making a real impact on me at the time. If it works than I am gonna work it. Whatever that may be at the time.

SaTiT

Oki doki chiynita....not trying fix ya

It's not like i havn't worked the steps half ass backwards before.
I wasn't the first and i wasn't the last...obviously.
I had to learn the hardway too and I won't standing in the way
of your recovery.

Just don't pick up no matter what.

BehindBlueEyes

Hi chiy!

"Feeling" anything is better than feeling nothing at all.
Let your Grams know how you feel.
Grandmothers are angels..
I'm 36 years old and I am blessed to still have both my Grandmother's on this earth with me.
Take care girl.

Nuudawn

Hi Chiynita,
I'm almost 4 months sober...and I have done no step work to date. Not really sure when I will. I am very familiar with them and sort of trying to live my everyday life that way rather than sit down with worksheets so to speak. I get so much out of AA but I'm a big fan of take what ya need and leave the rest. In my mind, I get a little antsy when someone starts spouting rules or "have to's" at me. There have been times when I've shared at a meeting something on my mind...and someone will come up to me with .."work your steps!"....or "easy does it" ...or some other AAism..and I want to plough them in the face. A simple "I hear ya"...would have made me feel much better.

Oh ya..I don't have a sponsor yet either. I had a temp one when I started in another city but I have yet to replace her. My point I'm trying to make is...ya, do things on your own time and as they feel right to you. There are a whole lot of people in AA or otherwise who will love to tell you how and when you should do things. I have found that the small quiet voice within me (whether that's intuiton, my higher self or God, whatever) has the answers I need when I need them. Sing your own song in recovery. Just be sure to listen for the wisdom within and don't confuse the loud, booming, abusive voice of fear...that's how ya know the difference...fear lies and abuses ya really.

hope3

Hi chiynita, I usually go to the new post and answer threads that interest me and I have something to share, or give inspiration, or just encouragement.

I to realized how much I hurt my loved one after reading the Friends and family forums. I always knew I was hurting them, just not how much, I can't explain it either. I find reading many of the forums help me in my recovery. I read them because sometimes I can help some one put something into perspective.

I also read them to gain knowledge, allot of the F&F's have read more about my disease than I have, and willingly share. I also feel I give some hope to some with my own recovery.Like, hey if I can do it, anyone can, if willing.

However, anything in moderation is good, exept alcohol if your an alcoholic...

I think you are doing a great job and seem to be finding out who you are, this is great....hugs to you ((((((((((((chiynita))))))))))))

Hope3

IO Storm

Again, I believe newcomers need special care because of just that: being

so new. I just care about you.

There is no rule about this, no waiting period or whatnot.

I ran over and made amends with my mom after a month, I had stolen

from her, was worried about her, and missed her so. I found grace and

forgiveness. She was only upset because I had waited so long and was

very worried. She said she had already forgiven me while I was doing it

and had longed for me to come back!

Chiy, you live with family, when memories arise of past injustices you

have done against your loved ones, especially when living with them, of

course hug them and allow this cleansing to take place. It is necessary

and it is growth, a sweet, valuable, and powerful spiritual experience.

What I was addressing earlier was of getting into other people's ongoing

unresolved pain. Maybe I'm trying to protect you, and you are not a baby

after all.

Love,

:

Sherry