Aysha

I am new to all this so yes I could be considered a baby. What am I saying. I am a big baby. Always have been. My grams has taken care of me my whole life and I am 31. I didnt have to pay a bill before my gramps died 4 years ago. Talk about having it easy. I think though thats what made my addiction the way it was. I have never had to be responsible. I became addicted because i tried it..liked it..and I could. Thats it. I have done alot of growing up these past 4 years. It has been hard but I need it. She isnt going to be here forever. When I am working she dont pay for nothing really. I take care of everything. But in Oct of last year I fell back to my old ways and all the weight fell on her. Now I am going to stay clean..get this job in May..(If you guys saw my post in SA about that a couple weeks ago. ) Get it together and make sure I spend every moment I have with my family and her. I have no regrets really. None I cant let go. I am pretty good when it comes to letting go of negativity and moving on. My grams brought me up that way.
I gave her the biggest hug shes had in awhile from me. She was like whoa. lol..She IS my angel.
I believe I am meant to be something more than that. I am blessed and I say that because the things I have done ..situations I have put myself in. I should not be here. At least not with the mind set I have now. Everyone I know I use to run with is dead..dieing...locked up for years..or in just a very dark place. They gave up and didnt get it. I am not a quitter.
And I will never be.
I have tried to stop before ..but never really put effort into it. Just caved at the drop of a hat.
This time is different ...I am incorporating it in my everyday living and making it priority one everyday I open my eyes to be clean today. I just feel it. In my gut..I just know this is it. It is my time to shine. God has bigger and better things waiting for me. He is just waiting for me to accept them.
I love all of you. You have shed so much light on this fight for me and made feel like I cam do it instaed of judging and spitting out texts all the time. Alot of the support is from ur hearts and I so appreciate that.
It aggravates me when someone starts throwing text at you everytime. Its good to hear it but not all the time. I want to hear from the individual. Not a book. Please dont take that the wrong way.
I am thanful for today and all of you.