Am I Doing The Right Thing? I Feel Like A Trader :-(
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Am I Doing The Right Thing? I Feel Like A Trader :-(
I need to vent here and if this isn't the right forum please move it to where I might get some response or I 
This is concerning my sponsor and what is going on so I hope that this will help maybe I need to talk to others here in which I have but I feel so concerned and helpless. I feel as if I am loosing my best friend in the world.
My sponsor has been having a lot of health issues as you all know but now we know what is kinda going on and it isn't getting better. Now I don't know what the medical terms are but his (sp) sophisticate sorry for the spelling they have found out is shrinking and also they have found another anurism (sp) in his sophisticate which isn't good. From what I have been told that it cuts the oxygen to his brain and he will be in a confused state in which he has been for over a week.
Anyway I came home tonight from my being with him for 2 1/2 hours then I went to my meeting and came home and I knew that he would call he always does. However he said that he is getting out Monday and he thinks that I was there when we all decided this in which we didn't even have the conversation at all. Then he said he was in this nursing home and that he was hoping to see me there today and said "WHATEVER'' then he said God Bless you and hoping that maybe I might come and see him tomorrow. He says that he hasn't seen me and OMG I have been there everyday for at least 2 - 4 hours each day. Then he thinks that he has been gone from home for 2-3 weeks and it has only been a week today.....or yesterday
Now I went to my physiologist today for my appointment and we talked basically about what is going on with him. He also sees the same phycologist that I do. Anyway I was thinking that since he trust this doctor that maybe we could have him go and see what kind of mental capacity he is in. I know that he don't remember a huge amount of stuff and it hurts me to see him go this way. I have been in close contact with his daughter and she told me tonight (this about made me cry) that I am more of a family member than some of them.
I just feel as if I need to let the people know how his mental place is and of course he is thinking and telling everyone that there is a conspiracy going on against him
which isn't true we just want what is best for him. So am I doing wrong and betraying him by telling the people what I am finding out. He looked at me today in the car when I took him to the chiropractor that I better not cross him. I feel as if I need to say something and they want me to keep them posted but in no way do they want to admit him there if he can go home. We are trying to get him well to go home but it looks as if he is really going down quick and he should be getting better by now.
HELP HELP HELP>>>>>>>
What should I do or am I doing what is right?
This is concerning my sponsor and what is going on so I hope that this will help maybe I need to talk to others here in which I have but I feel so concerned and helpless. I feel as if I am loosing my best friend in the world.My sponsor has been having a lot of health issues as you all know but now we know what is kinda going on and it isn't getting better. Now I don't know what the medical terms are but his (sp) sophisticate sorry for the spelling they have found out is shrinking and also they have found another anurism (sp) in his sophisticate which isn't good. From what I have been told that it cuts the oxygen to his brain and he will be in a confused state in which he has been for over a week.
Anyway I came home tonight from my being with him for 2 1/2 hours then I went to my meeting and came home and I knew that he would call he always does. However he said that he is getting out Monday and he thinks that I was there when we all decided this in which we didn't even have the conversation at all. Then he said he was in this nursing home and that he was hoping to see me there today and said "WHATEVER'' then he said God Bless you and hoping that maybe I might come and see him tomorrow. He says that he hasn't seen me and OMG I have been there everyday for at least 2 - 4 hours each day. Then he thinks that he has been gone from home for 2-3 weeks and it has only been a week today.....or yesterday
Now I went to my physiologist today for my appointment and we talked basically about what is going on with him. He also sees the same phycologist that I do. Anyway I was thinking that since he trust this doctor that maybe we could have him go and see what kind of mental capacity he is in. I know that he don't remember a huge amount of stuff and it hurts me to see him go this way. I have been in close contact with his daughter and she told me tonight (this about made me cry) that I am more of a family member than some of them.
I just feel as if I need to let the people know how his mental place is and of course he is thinking and telling everyone that there is a conspiracy going on against him
which isn't true we just want what is best for him. So am I doing wrong and betraying him by telling the people what I am finding out. He looked at me today in the car when I took him to the chiropractor that I better not cross him. I feel as if I need to say something and they want me to keep them posted but in no way do they want to admit him there if he can go home. We are trying to get him well to go home but it looks as if he is really going down quick and he should be getting better by now. HELP HELP HELP>>>>>>>
What should I do or am I doing what is right?
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
I am so sorry you are going through this.....(((((((Chance)))))).....please be assured that you are not betraying him, by telling of his condition, you are helping others understand that he is not quite lucid. That will make it easier on him, no one will act all offended if he doesn't remember seeing them. It will make a difficult situation a little easier for him. Follow your heart.....you and he are in my thoughts and prayers.
Cathy
Cathy
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I am sorry you are having to go through something like that.
I think you should do what you think is best for the situation.
When people are sick they get that way.
Dont feel bad for caring and trying to help.
I will be thinking of you, your friend and his family.
God bless.
I think you should do what you think is best for the situation.
When people are sick they get that way.
Dont feel bad for caring and trying to help.
I will be thinking of you, your friend and his family.
God bless.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
vic...please dont make your self coo-coo..
look, if bernie was in compleat control of his thinking... and you would ask him this question... what would he say...
vic, when our hearts, mind, body and soul are one... with no hidden motives behind us... were doing the right thing...
IMO... your doing the right thing...
your intentions sound rightly...
would that be what bernie might say?
i'm hit'n the knees with the both of you in mind in a bit vic... be strong, and please... no head baggers ball tonight...it wont help the situation any bit...
get some rest... and look at the situation again tomorow...
this is your time too vic... as i mentioned before... "The Dark Night of Recovery"... the relationship of a sponser & a sponsee...
keep listening... all is as it should... (...)
i love you so much vic...
pat
look, if bernie was in compleat control of his thinking... and you would ask him this question... what would he say...
vic, when our hearts, mind, body and soul are one... with no hidden motives behind us... were doing the right thing...
IMO... your doing the right thing...
your intentions sound rightly...
would that be what bernie might say?
i'm hit'n the knees with the both of you in mind in a bit vic... be strong, and please... no head baggers ball tonight...it wont help the situation any bit...
get some rest... and look at the situation again tomorow...
this is your time too vic... as i mentioned before... "The Dark Night of Recovery"... the relationship of a sponser & a sponsee...
keep listening... all is as it should... (...)
i love you so much vic...
pat
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Thanks everyone for your responses I do so dearly appreciate it. Things are ever changing and it is so hard to deal with all of this for this morning I had a call from him wanting me to take it home. I just think that it might be even time to start detaching however I don't know if I can even do that.
My day even though it is so early yet in the morning is almost feeling as if it is shot already ..............
I just think that it might be even time to start detaching however I don't know if I can even do that. My day even though it is so early yet in the morning is almost feeling as if it is shot already ..............
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Vic I left a message on your answering machine. Slow down, take some deep breathes.
Remember, just be thoughtful, loving and kind to your sponsor. Trust your gut and remember The Serenity Prayer, you cannot wear it out.
You are doing a good thing here. Remember, right now he is not in his right mind. Depleted Oxygen has given him some dementia problems. If they can get the anuerism out and oxygen once again flowing to his brain he may have some memory loss, but the dementia should then go away.
Give me a call if you need or want to talk and I will call you back, I still have my CHEAP CHEAP long distance 24/7, rofl.
Love and lots of hugs to you Vic,
Remember, just be thoughtful, loving and kind to your sponsor. Trust your gut and remember The Serenity Prayer, you cannot wear it out.
You are doing a good thing here. Remember, right now he is not in his right mind. Depleted Oxygen has given him some dementia problems. If they can get the anuerism out and oxygen once again flowing to his brain he may have some memory loss, but the dementia should then go away.
Give me a call if you need or want to talk and I will call you back, I still have my CHEAP CHEAP long distance 24/7, rofl.
Love and lots of hugs to you Vic,
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Hi Vic,
I am so sorry you are dealing with this.
I think Laurie is right, that it could be possible for his memory to improve when the oxygen supply is better. But, whatever happens, being honest is always the best thing. Trust your instincts and take care of yourself too.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this.
I think Laurie is right, that it could be possible for his memory to improve when the oxygen supply is better. But, whatever happens, being honest is always the best thing. Trust your instincts and take care of yourself too.
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Well the thing is....his oxygen level is and has been at around 95 which is good. Hell mine is 86-88% on any given day which I deal with although it is really hard at times. He is refusing treatment now and his daughter just called me and I told her that he has been calling me since early this morning. I guess that they can not keep him there and he said that he is going home NOW>>>>
I have agreed to meet her there at 1:30 and I think that he is going home but I am not sure if the Doctor will release him, however here in this state there is a paper that you must sign that the person leaving without permission from the doctor will not hold anyone responsible for his health. I just keep thinking how he has taught me to do things and now I see him breaking almost everything that he himself has taught me. I know that this isn't anyones fault nor his for the condition that he is in. It is just very stressful for me right now when I have things that I need to do and feel as if I can not get things done because it seems like I am always running to him.....I am almost getting resentful about this all however I know that I need to turn things over and god I am really trying here.
Ok enough about all of this I am going to re focus for the day..
I have agreed to meet her there at 1:30 and I think that he is going home but I am not sure if the Doctor will release him, however here in this state there is a paper that you must sign that the person leaving without permission from the doctor will not hold anyone responsible for his health. I just keep thinking how he has taught me to do things and now I see him breaking almost everything that he himself has taught me. I know that this isn't anyones fault nor his for the condition that he is in. It is just very stressful for me right now when I have things that I need to do and feel as if I can not get things done because it seems like I am always running to him.....I am almost getting resentful about this all however I know that I need to turn things over and god I am really trying here.
Ok enough about all of this I am going to re focus for the day..
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,789
Hi Vic,
We always need to do the next right thing. Look after yourself first and that will leave you in the best possible space to make these other decisions.
Kevin
PS You better look after yourself or I will set the Mums on you Your one a very few members that are still here from 23 months ago and I want to stay here with you.
We always need to do the next right thing. Look after yourself first and that will leave you in the best possible space to make these other decisions.
Kevin
PS You better look after yourself or I will set the Mums on you
Your one a very few members that are still here from 23 months ago and I want to stay here with you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Wow, Vic!!
You are dealing with a lot, and you ARE doing the right thing. You are reaching out to others for guidance, sharing your problem, and listening to your heart.
Its always right to remember the order of priorities. For my recovery, I put service to my Higher Power and truth first. Then, I put everything else.
Truth is that your sponsor is weak and unable to make rational decisions, so its a good idea to not take everything he says to you as the truth. You ARE helping him by including others (family and professionals) in the loop of factual information and reporting of progress, from your direct experience.
Second, this situation has the potential for high drama, because of everybody's emotions. You may need to create safety for yourself by having someone else serve as your sponsor right now, while you navigate this landscape.
His disorientation, confusion and fears have already brought up issues for you and for his loved ones, and everybody's emotional vulnerability will continue, for a while, until there is some sense of direction. All of these challenges are real-life lessons that will help you get stronger in the long run.
I will include you and your sponsor and all who care for him in my prayers for peace and healing.
You are dealing with a lot, and you ARE doing the right thing. You are reaching out to others for guidance, sharing your problem, and listening to your heart.
Its always right to remember the order of priorities. For my recovery, I put service to my Higher Power and truth first. Then, I put everything else.
Truth is that your sponsor is weak and unable to make rational decisions, so its a good idea to not take everything he says to you as the truth. You ARE helping him by including others (family and professionals) in the loop of factual information and reporting of progress, from your direct experience.
Second, this situation has the potential for high drama, because of everybody's emotions. You may need to create safety for yourself by having someone else serve as your sponsor right now, while you navigate this landscape.
His disorientation, confusion and fears have already brought up issues for you and for his loved ones, and everybody's emotional vulnerability will continue, for a while, until there is some sense of direction. All of these challenges are real-life lessons that will help you get stronger in the long run.
I will include you and your sponsor and all who care for him in my prayers for peace and healing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
wow, i am always struck by the wisdom and kindness that is always present here.........
vic, each response is full of wisdom and good advice....
i know what you are going through............my mother, when she was very ill last year, lost much of her mental function due to her rapidly dropping sodium levels in her blood.....which is a common complication of lung cancer......at some points she did not know who i was or where she was........she was so frightened, and was in and out of the hospital often.........and when she got out, she would go to her friends, and she would drink.....not a relapse in my eyes, really, because she wasn't mentally capable of making the decision...but that's beside the point......the drinking made her so much worse, and she inevitably would end up in the hospital again.......eventually i had to make a very difficult call, and tell her doctor about her drinking, which resulted in him having her admitted to a nursing home.......
i know you know the feelings i had about that...she was young, and i felt so guilty and confused......but it was the right thing for her......she walked out of there feeling healthier than she had all year, and she lived much longer because of her stay........the nurses there cared for her 24 hours, which i could not do..........i believe we had 5 miraculous extra months with my mother because of our decision.......
i want to explain that my mother had a terminal disease......there was very little hope of her survival.......she was diagnosed in the final stages of lung cancer and she lived for a very long time longer than she was expected to.......the point of me telling you about my experience is so that you know that in my opinion, if he needs the care a nursing home can give him, then he should be there.......and you should definately share your burden with his family and those that care for him, it is not a betrayal of him, but it will help him, allow the people he loves to understand all he is going through and the reasons he may need constant nursing care for a while........they can help make his quality of life better, and with his delicate condition, be ever watchful for complications, which may save his life......if what he has is dangerous..........which it sounds like it is.......
my friend misti had 3 strokes last year due to anuerisms on her brain stem........she is alive and strong and caring for her children, and they were major strokes.......her life is a miracle.....there is hope always........i know how stressed and worried you are, but stay strong and keep reaching out for help and support......and take some of the wonderful advice your friends here have given you.........
hugs and love
ayla
vic, each response is full of wisdom and good advice....
i know what you are going through............my mother, when she was very ill last year, lost much of her mental function due to her rapidly dropping sodium levels in her blood.....which is a common complication of lung cancer......at some points she did not know who i was or where she was........she was so frightened, and was in and out of the hospital often.........and when she got out, she would go to her friends, and she would drink.....not a relapse in my eyes, really, because she wasn't mentally capable of making the decision...but that's beside the point......the drinking made her so much worse, and she inevitably would end up in the hospital again.......eventually i had to make a very difficult call, and tell her doctor about her drinking, which resulted in him having her admitted to a nursing home.......
i know you know the feelings i had about that...she was young, and i felt so guilty and confused......but it was the right thing for her......she walked out of there feeling healthier than she had all year, and she lived much longer because of her stay........the nurses there cared for her 24 hours, which i could not do..........i believe we had 5 miraculous extra months with my mother because of our decision.......
i want to explain that my mother had a terminal disease......there was very little hope of her survival.......she was diagnosed in the final stages of lung cancer and she lived for a very long time longer than she was expected to.......the point of me telling you about my experience is so that you know that in my opinion, if he needs the care a nursing home can give him, then he should be there.......and you should definately share your burden with his family and those that care for him, it is not a betrayal of him, but it will help him, allow the people he loves to understand all he is going through and the reasons he may need constant nursing care for a while........they can help make his quality of life better, and with his delicate condition, be ever watchful for complications, which may save his life......if what he has is dangerous..........which it sounds like it is.......
my friend misti had 3 strokes last year due to anuerisms on her brain stem........she is alive and strong and caring for her children, and they were major strokes.......her life is a miracle.....there is hope always........i know how stressed and worried you are, but stay strong and keep reaching out for help and support......and take some of the wonderful advice your friends here have given you.........
hugs and love
ayla
JUST DO IT!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Hi all I am doing good Kevin thanks...and thanks to all of you for your responses...
He demanded to go home so he went home two days ago of Friday but the doctor wanted him to stay. He has been calling me a lot during the days wanting to have answers for things I have no clue. He doesn't remember the last 2 weeks almost that is for sure. I have another friend over at his house today who is cleaning his house and keeping a eye on him
I guess through all of this I know that using is not the answer. I stayed strong with all of your help and all of the calls that I made. I did post in the NA forum about most of the trials. Just glad that he feels like he is a peace now.
With Love and Respect
Vic
He demanded to go home so he went home two days ago of Friday but the doctor wanted him to stay. He has been calling me a lot during the days wanting to have answers for things I have no clue. He doesn't remember the last 2 weeks almost that is for sure. I have another friend over at his house today who is cleaning his house and keeping a eye on him
I guess through all of this I know that using is not the answer. I stayed strong with all of your help and all of the calls that I made. I did post in the NA forum about most of the trials. Just glad that he feels like he is a peace now.
With Love and Respect
Vic
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