Emimily

hey, i remember these feelings so vividly...

mostly, i am an egomaniac with an inferiority complex, also very consumed with comparing MY insides with YOUR outside. basically, i'm an alcoholic.

my name's emily.

making friends is tough! when you're six, you can run up to any kid and say "hi i like butterfly nets and the color yellow, do you?" and if that kid responds with a "yes" then you're best friends. not so, once adolescence hits and we start becoming people and stuff... it's hard, no doubt about it. but, it's worth it. and AA is where i've made all my friends. really, all of my friends here in NC are from the rooms. they're mean, clean, and serene, most of the time. even though we share a common bond, figuring out who fits is still hard. i tend to push away women because they intimidate me, and it was really hard to let my guard down and make some calls. hard, hard, hard... but so worth it, and what i've started to see is that everything in life that is worth doing is usually pretty hard. but WORTH IT.

give yourself a chance, maybe give some different meetings a chance... i know at the college i went to there was an amnesty international group, there were movie nights, there were lots of different things like that, get involved. no matter how scary, you're at least doing SOMETHING. and you are worth that, no question. be gentle with yourself, but keep moving. you gotta keep taking that next right step, y'know?

take it one day at a time, good luck, you're in my prayers.

IndigoNA

Well if you read my post closely it says "most people" I didn't say ALL... why do you get so offended?

Anna

It is most helpful to offer your advice and suggestions to IndigoNA in a supportive way, rather than in a confrontational manner.

IndigoNA, you've gotten lots of great ideas and it sounds like taking those into consideration. I think the next step is to take action and make one small change in your life. One small change can make a big difference.

shockozulu

IndigoNA, I work a non-12 step program and it has been wonderful for me. However, there is no face to face meetings for me in my area, so I don't make friends there. I made my new friends on campus. In the library, at the coffee cafe on campus, in the tutor center. Let me tell you, I NEVER EVER expected to make a friend on campus. I am 19 years older than most of the students here, I am known to be shy and quiet (hence I work with the books!). Yet I was scolded by my boss in the multi-media center for being too loud and rambunctious yesterday.

It took time, It took effort. It did not come overnight. But I did make friends on campus. I had to do a little work to get those friends. But I did get them.

shockozulu

For me, those are key words to get to campus quick. I go where ever there is foot traffic and I bring a book. Eventually someone from one of my classes will show up and I'll wave, maybe we'll talk for a few minutes if they have time. Catch up on our notes or whatever. Maybe I'll run into someone that sees me study there, and they will stop to chat. I'm now a familar face to them because they have seen me there before. I have ended up with a cup of coffee with another student many times this way.

Golfman

IndigoNA,

Before you go any further hear me out. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be around people. I love being around people too. In fact, even today I'd rather be around people most of the time instead of being alone. In the past, I had to have people around me in order to enjoy myself. My wife used to ask me the same thing..."what can't you just read a book, enjoy time alone?"

I would yell back..."because I don't like to be alone, I don't enjoy reading books, I don't have any hobbies!" IMHO, some folks just like being around other people. Even after I got sober, for quite a few years, I wanted to be around people all the time. I felt as though I was missing part of myself when I wasn't around them. It was as if I wasn't fully complete without people.

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!!! I'm one of you. Why do you think I spend so much time here at SR? Because I like interacting with people, I like some of the discussions we get into, even those where tempers get a little hot. Lively debate and friendly discussions feed me. I don't know why, they just do. I'm much like you. Over the years I have lost my closest friends, sometimes by choice, other times through death. Right now there is only one person in my life that I can talk to about anything. However, as a result of being here at SR, my landscape of friends has changed. Oh yes...I want face-to-face interaction. But when I can't get that, and most of the time I can't, I do have a few people here that I can go to with my s**t and they will love me enough to tell me what I need to hear. But, they are few. I know this, that my desire to be around people will never go away. My desire for the human touch, the look in someone's eyes, the sound of their voice is irreplaceable.

IndigoNA, IMHO you are as normal as normal can be when it comes to your desire for friends. There's nothing wrong with you!!!!!!!

Now, this is only a suggestion. Instead of just asking why, why, why, start writing down how, how, how. How can I meet people, what steps to I have to take in order for me to be around people. Where can I go, AND DON'T SAY NOWHERE!, that I might run into people that I enjoy.

I know this is very hard. Another thought that you may get pi55ed at but here goes...i'm sure you have acquaintances at school. I'm sure that out of all the acquaintances you have, there are a few, maybe only one, that you might be alone with sometime. Here's the tricky part...you have to take a chance and be willing to be vulnerable. When you're with one of these people just ask if the'd be willing to talk because you have some things bothering you. Ah, Ah, Ah...before you dismiss this out of hand, you never know what will happen. I have gone to many people that I hardly knew and told them I had a problem. I asked if they wouldn't mind helping me sort them out. Hardly ever has someone completely dismissed me and said not thanks.

I have found that by taking a chance, being willing to put my heart out there, that people have responded with kindness and undertanding. In fact, many told me later on that they felt honored that I had chosen them to share my problems with. It made them feel good knowing that someone else thought they were worth enough to share with.

So, what to do? Muster up all the courage you have, all of that desire to be around people, all the strength within you, and take a chance. I suggest that you start out with one person and one person only. Someone of the same sex and approximate same age. If you desire this as much as you say, then you must be willing to do something about it. Desparate people do desparate things. Some of those things save their lives.

Your people-loving, got to have 'em around friend,
ED

nogard

lol Indig. If nothing changes then guess what? Nothing changes. I remember you talking about this before. Rather than lay in bed might as well get out and be with people, go to the other group you mentioned, join other clubs and do it continously for a few months and see how you feel after that.

I noted that you had reasons that nothing worked or why they would not work. Does this not seem familiar mate?

Kevin