topetah

seems i cant make it past 15 days sober. yes i blew it again. no drugs this time got drunk. i dont understand why i keep doing this to myself. i have the tools i know what to do. but yet i screw up time and time again. i remember something from rehab that said once you get back on top like me ( job, car, money,house) you feel like i dont deserve these things because i shouldnt have a nice life. why would i feel this way i really dont. but deep down maybe i do. i have no idea what is wrong with me. this time i got messed up i didnt feel guilt or shame the next day. maybe im getting too good at this. i met a nice girl again this time. cant remember her name. thats my pattern. get drunk or high, screw, and cant remember. what a life i lead. do i wanna hit rock bottom?

Kristen E.

Have you put your trust in a High Power as you understand him? Do you have a sponser? I understand the roller coaster I have been on it for many years.

I have been able to stay sober 347, 24 hour periods. Do not give up.

You mentioned you want to hit bottom. That is a really scary place to be. I hope that you can grasp what ever it takes to stay clean and sober.

When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired you we will do what ever you are told, so that you can be free of the stronghold that is weighing you down.

Keep coming back and keep posting I want to see how you are doing.

starlite dawn

Boy, that is about a 64,000 dollar question. If I could figure out out why, I might not do it.

15 days sounds huge to me. Don't stop tryin'.

requiredfield

I think you've touched on something very important. I could stop drinking and drugging anytime I wanted, but I could never STAY stopped. The reason for that was I didn't have the tools to deal with life, emotions, and feelings. I had work to do on myself. My drinking and drugging were just the symptom of greater underlying causes. That's where my recovery began... and I've now put some time together. But today, I'm sober and I like myself. It took alot of work to get to where I am, but it was either start living or continue dying..

Debaucher

That last sentence is so powerful!!!

"DO I WANNA HIT ROCK BOTTOM?"

I am going to use that... That statement is going to keep me sober one day...

Some folks say you have to hit rock bottom to get sober... others say the bottom is different for everyone... for me I got close enough that I could see it... it wasn't a distant possibility... it was staring me in the face... with that smug look saying...

"You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya punk?"

and it scared me... real fear...

Fear didn't make me sober... fear gave me willingness... and willingness got me sober... willingness to try...

I have to remember that... when... and I sure the day will come... When I go to pick up that first drink... I am going to say this out loud... and I pray to God that I remember that fear... that I become willing again... to try...

"HEY bonehead (to self)... You got to ask yourself one question: Do I wanna hit rock bottom? Well, do ya punk?"

katwomankc

Dont Give Up Topetah I Have Faith In You Dear. You Can Do It... At Least You Keep On Trying........ You Will Do It. One Day At A Time.

recovery4me

hi with this addiction i keep falling of the right path and its so frustrating you just have pick your self up and try again and just think this time ill do it i know its really hard im goin through it myself well good luck hope it works out 4 ya

Anna

Hi Topetah,

For me, I really did feel like I didn't deserve a good life, and whenever it started to look like things were getting better, I would sabotage it. When it looked like things would work out, I'd get very anxious. I knew how to deal with making a mess of things. Believe that you deserve a good life.

paulmh

How true is that.

Welcome everyone. I've struggled a bit with this notion of "rock bottom" - I mean, how do I know that I've hit rock bottom? Seems like there's always lower I could go! The last time - almost four years ago - I'd simply had enough, and I was willing to do whatever it took to get sober. I think what that meant was that I gave complete priority to not picking up that first drink. And I found that by being with people who understood, and doing what they did, it became possible.

No need to get complicated. No need to sort out our life problems in one sitting. Just don't drink today, no matter what. Seek out the company of other alcoholics and see how they do it. In the UK that means mainly AA. There is hope, and you're not alone. Unless, of course, you want to be.

anewday2day

yeah.. I feel like my life has always been crummy..so i cant get well either... I know 16 days was what I had 2 weeks ago and I cant seem to get past that. I am headed to treatment. I heard at a meetign once or twice "you hit your bttom once you stop digging".

Rusty Zipper

welcome back...

sugestion topetah... what worked for me...

not put'n anything in front of my recovery... and i mean anything...

then the rest followed in time.

it wasnt just put the substances down...

give it a shot.. wad'a ya got to loose?

good wishes TP...

xxoo, rz

lostmdboy

This addiction is a screwed up thing. Part of Our minds know the right thing to do, but there is another that craves our DOC. We just have to keep that bad part shut in a closet for just one day. That is all just one day.
I to do not know if I ever hit ROCK bottom, but I could see it coming. I new I was completely out of control with my drinking. I prey to my HP not to go back there.

ayla zaire

topeta.....you can do this.....keep trying, keep learning......you do have the skills and the desire, and that's what it takes, with tons of support, which you also have........i have faith that this will happen for you.........you are doing fine......your honesty is so important...by coming here and telling the truth of what you have done, you are breaking your addict behavior....it is so hard for us addicts to be honest, especially when it comes to using or having a slip..........i'm proud of you for your honesty, my friend......

keep trying....we're still here for you, no matter what....
ayla

Rowan

I like what Anna had to say about sabotage. Many alcoholics feel, whether they are aware of it or not, that they do not deserve recovery.
It takes time for that to change, and awareness of our own destructive patterns. Through a series of relapses and bad behaviour, I finally believe that I deserve to get well, and I'm not willing to take that road anymore.
Topetah, don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe this IS your bottom. As we say, you don't need to go all the way to the dump.
Keep posting here, and let us know how you are doing. You don't have to do this alone.

Rowan

sylandad

Don't give up on yourself.

Go to meetings, talk to others, keep doing what is keeping u sober one day at a time.

David D

Aysha

Hi Jason. Well for me when I get back to where I am suppose to be. I feel like ..I'm doing really good. I got it going on. I worked really hard and I bounced back and am doing great. So good I dont think just 1 time will hurt. Then back to the grind. It'll be ok. to do it just once or once in awhile. But it isn't ok. Not for me. Cause that one turns to guilt then it all comes crashing down again and becomes an endless cycle again. But like alot of things with this craziness..I dont think there really is an answer. It just is the way it is. And thats why we have to work so hard to keep our sobriety. It's almost like fighting an invisible force. You know its there and its wrong..But thats it. Just keep fighting. You can do this. People slip. Glad to hear you didnt pick up the other. Thats good. I remember you sayin that when you drink is when you want to smoke. So you won half that battle. Just dont get down on yourself cause that will make it worse. Just keep trying. Youll be Ok.