New to this place
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Anywhere
Posts: 11
New to this place
Hello everyone! I just want to say that from reading a few things in this place you all appear very wonderful, like family! Ok....I'm not going to go into a big long song and dance about myself-I will try to do the brief history-I grew up with a few A brothers, one who is now in jail-(As he says it is his happy place now-away from fear-He will be off probabtation when he is out and will be free to live his life again-in recovery!). My father also was an A but my parents divorced at age of 7-so I was not subjected to that as much.
I have gone to Alanon and will continue to go-which brings me to my current issue at hand....I was dating this guy a little over 2 years-(Very good at hiding he was an A for the first year or so) I finally caught on-as the mood swings began, the verbal abuse, the throwing and breaking things (throwing one of my dogs across the room) when not getting what he wanted or being out of control-I had to call the police on him on several occasions for him following me-running me off the road blah blah quack quack....here I am almost a year later-after I got a final restraining order-and he was proceeding to call me text message me etc....I which was wrong in doing so responded to him asking him to please stop which then escalated to being nasty this has gone on for over 3 months- (I feel that I was giving him a chance to back off like I asked because I know if I called the cops he would go to jail for a long period of time for breaking the restraining order) And yes I should have which I know, yes he should take responsibility for his actions and not myself. See the thing is that i know all of this and feel there is a reason I hesistated (because of my brother?) but I finally did it! I called he was arrested and realeased pending a hearing next week-which he will be placed in jail- Since this happened he has again contacted me "begging me to drop this that he does not want to spend his summer in jail he has learned his lesson" Ummm hello LEARNED HIS LESSON as he is calling me after just being arrested?! Ha Ha Ummmmm NO!
The sad thing is he needs to because there is something else I believe going on with him besides being an A-and for the main reason he is still harrasing me and stalking me- part of me is feeling he may snap although he has never been physically abusive, part of me feels sad for him (which is normal from my own family issues) and part of me does not want to see him go to jail.
I guess what I'm searching for is not someone to make my choices because I make those in life but just some guidance or reassurance that I'm doing what I know is the right thing and how do you get beyond those feeling sad for them? Although at the same time your drained beaten into the ground from the continually non-stop abusiveness.
I'm very glad to be here! Thank you!
I have gone to Alanon and will continue to go-which brings me to my current issue at hand....I was dating this guy a little over 2 years-(Very good at hiding he was an A for the first year or so) I finally caught on-as the mood swings began, the verbal abuse, the throwing and breaking things (throwing one of my dogs across the room) when not getting what he wanted or being out of control-I had to call the police on him on several occasions for him following me-running me off the road blah blah quack quack....here I am almost a year later-after I got a final restraining order-and he was proceeding to call me text message me etc....I which was wrong in doing so responded to him asking him to please stop which then escalated to being nasty this has gone on for over 3 months- (I feel that I was giving him a chance to back off like I asked because I know if I called the cops he would go to jail for a long period of time for breaking the restraining order) And yes I should have which I know, yes he should take responsibility for his actions and not myself. See the thing is that i know all of this and feel there is a reason I hesistated (because of my brother?) but I finally did it! I called he was arrested and realeased pending a hearing next week-which he will be placed in jail- Since this happened he has again contacted me "begging me to drop this that he does not want to spend his summer in jail he has learned his lesson" Ummm hello LEARNED HIS LESSON as he is calling me after just being arrested?! Ha Ha Ummmmm NO!
The sad thing is he needs to because there is something else I believe going on with him besides being an A-and for the main reason he is still harrasing me and stalking me- part of me is feeling he may snap although he has never been physically abusive, part of me feels sad for him (which is normal from my own family issues) and part of me does not want to see him go to jail.
I guess what I'm searching for is not someone to make my choices because I make those in life but just some guidance or reassurance that I'm doing what I know is the right thing and how do you get beyond those feeling sad for them? Although at the same time your drained beaten into the ground from the continually non-stop abusiveness.
I'm very glad to be here! Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 1,768
Hiya Lexi!! Welcome to SR! Hey, check out the friends & family of alcoholics section too. A lot of people there in your situation and can empathize with you. I'm so glad you found us 
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/family-friends/
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/family-friends/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Anywhere
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by Dom 
Good going. Sounds like he is taking out all of his frustrations on you. I think you did the right thing, and do not drop the charges.
This is how I have felt even when we started with the issues ...he always blamed me, which I was stronger than him and knew about the disease already that it was in fact not me! He blamed me for everything in his life and to this day to his family and friends I'm the one who is bothering him, calling him, stalking him etc...I know I do not have that kind of energy to waste-it is sad that his family does not see the entire picture so that they can at least push him towards some help-maybe this is the answer for him?!
Thank you so much and thank you for the wonderful welcome from both all of you
Rock-chalk-jayhawk..
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: kansas
Posts: 170
hello lexi and welcome. sounds like a bad deal for you. i must say this is a dangerous game hes playing with you. he hasnt been abusive you say? i wouldnt want to stick around to find out. let him go to jail hes an adult he knew what he was doing now he can pay like everyone else. you said you feel sorry for him? why is that? he is stalking you harrasing you why would u feel sad? thats just how he wants you to feel. you see he has a hold of you and he knows how to use his sneaky ways. i know the type of guys.. there a dime a dozen. dont fall for his sob stories because if you were to drop the charges i bet he would be right there again harrasing you. move, change your number, do what you have to to get away. more than likely he wont be a happy man after spending his summer in jail. and i wouldnt want to find out what his plans are next. im not trying to scare you. its just reality. who knows what goes threw his mind. like i said i wouldnt wanna find out. stalking is a sickness, he needs help. i wish you best of luck.
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