AA resentment
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: ENGLAND
Posts: 557
AA resentment
My history with AA has been chequered to say the least. Although I am a great believer in all of the AA principals and a greatfull attending member of the fellowship, I managed to build up a resentment with a member of my home group. The story starts some 2 years ago when I was struggling to come to terms with not only my disease of alcoholism, but also trying to get to grips with the ethos of AA. At the time I had been attending meetings nightly for about 2 months, I hadn't stopped drinking but had heard in the rooms that if I kept going then eventualy I would get the message and as long as I had the desire to stop then that was the only requirement to attend.
One Sunday night at a meeting that I had attended regualy a member with some years of sobriety challenged me about the fact that I smelt of alcohol something that I could not deny, I had drunk on the way to the meeting but was in no way incapable of cunducting myself in an orderly fashion. His comments even contained some expletives that realy should not have been used within a church hall or by somebody reaching out the hand of AA to a fellow suffering alcoholic.
I stayed for the meeting but left with some trepidation about returning. I actualy drank for the next few days using that reason for my drinking, but I decided to carry on going to meetings elsewhere which was fine for a while.
Then the resentment that I had built around this member started me to doubt my future within the fellowship, I knew I wanted to stop, I knew that AA was the way to go about stopping and stay stopped. Then one night at my home group this member was there, he had started to sponsor somebody within the group, well I knew then that it would only cause me further problems with him there so stopped attending my home group.
I had let what should have been a throw away comment boil inside of me unchecked and now it was a major problem challenging my very existance.
I went back to drinking as much as when I first knew I needed the help of AA, I attended a few meetings were I was sure he wouldn't be and tried to keep my faith in the AA principals.
Then over last christmas I starting using some AA boards here in England and stumbled on Sober Recovery. Slowley I not only regained my trust in AA from the posts but also regained a true desire to stop again. My last drink was on Dec 31 2006 nearly 3 months now.
Then last night I returned to my home group carried by my renewed faith in the god of my understanding, the welcome I got was as good as my first meeting, I was surely home again. The chap I needed to make ammends to over my resentment wasn't there, but that didn't matter, by just getting back into the rooms I have left all the ill feeling behind me now and when I do see him I know that now I feel no resentment at all towards him after all he is just as sick as me.
thankyou for letting me share
chris
One Sunday night at a meeting that I had attended regualy a member with some years of sobriety challenged me about the fact that I smelt of alcohol something that I could not deny, I had drunk on the way to the meeting but was in no way incapable of cunducting myself in an orderly fashion. His comments even contained some expletives that realy should not have been used within a church hall or by somebody reaching out the hand of AA to a fellow suffering alcoholic.
I stayed for the meeting but left with some trepidation about returning. I actualy drank for the next few days using that reason for my drinking, but I decided to carry on going to meetings elsewhere which was fine for a while.
Then the resentment that I had built around this member started me to doubt my future within the fellowship, I knew I wanted to stop, I knew that AA was the way to go about stopping and stay stopped. Then one night at my home group this member was there, he had started to sponsor somebody within the group, well I knew then that it would only cause me further problems with him there so stopped attending my home group.
I had let what should have been a throw away comment boil inside of me unchecked and now it was a major problem challenging my very existance.
I went back to drinking as much as when I first knew I needed the help of AA, I attended a few meetings were I was sure he wouldn't be and tried to keep my faith in the AA principals.
Then over last christmas I starting using some AA boards here in England and stumbled on Sober Recovery. Slowley I not only regained my trust in AA from the posts but also regained a true desire to stop again. My last drink was on Dec 31 2006 nearly 3 months now.
Then last night I returned to my home group carried by my renewed faith in the god of my understanding, the welcome I got was as good as my first meeting, I was surely home again. The chap I needed to make ammends to over my resentment wasn't there, but that didn't matter, by just getting back into the rooms I have left all the ill feeling behind me now and when I do see him I know that now I feel no resentment at all towards him after all he is just as sick as me.
thankyou for letting me share
chris
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 1,768
Hiya chris!! I'm so happy that you have shared this on the board, And SO SO SO happy that you made your way back to AA. I'm proud of you mate!!
Onward we go!!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Onward we go!!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Thats good you let it go finally. Resentment will eat you alive.
Don't let one person's comments shape your future. Especially when it comes to your life. Certainly don't let it change your views of the whole group. That is just one person. Obviously someone who needs to learn to give support instead of critisism in a place that is based on helping and support. And nobody is better than the next.
Glad your doing well. Lesson learned?
Don't let one person's comments shape your future. Especially when it comes to your life. Certainly don't let it change your views of the whole group. That is just one person. Obviously someone who needs to learn to give support instead of critisism in a place that is based on helping and support. And nobody is better than the next.
Glad your doing well. Lesson learned?
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Thanks for sharing, chris, and for reminding me what it looks like for a person to take accountability for themselves and their behavior...
All my resentments are mine to do with as I choose. I can work through 'em, make amends for 'em, or I can let 'em eat me alive from the inside out. A sponsor used to suggest that I ask myself what the payoffs are for any behavior I choose. The payoffs for harboring a resentment?
I get sick.
I stay sick.
I inflict my sickness on others.
My shame increases.
My self-esteem lowers.
My 8th Step list grows and grows...
Today, I'd rather not take poison and wait for someone else to die...
All my resentments are mine to do with as I choose. I can work through 'em, make amends for 'em, or I can let 'em eat me alive from the inside out. A sponsor used to suggest that I ask myself what the payoffs are for any behavior I choose. The payoffs for harboring a resentment?
I get sick.
I stay sick.
I inflict my sickness on others.
My shame increases.
My self-esteem lowers.
My 8th Step list grows and grows...
Today, I'd rather not take poison and wait for someone else to die...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
you did the right thing chris, the powers that be thing...
as big foot (sponser) always says to me... resentments can kill...
now chris, your carry'n that message... feels nice huh chris...
xxoo ya...
rz
as big foot (sponser) always says to me... resentments can kill...
now chris, your carry'n that message... feels nice huh chris...
xxoo ya...
rz
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I was told that harboring a resentment was letting someone "live rent free" in my head. Usually, the person responsible for the resentment has gone on about their business and couldn't care less (if they remembered) about whatever it was they said.
Also, when I deeply resented my husband of 25 years and the woman he left me for, I was told to "pray for them". Believe me, that was the last thing I wanted to do...but, I finally took the advice. Lo and behold, it worked, because the resentment was lifted from me. I try to remember, whenever someone gets under my skin or pushes my buttons...of course, it doesn't just happen among program people, either. You don't have to an alcoholic/addict... there are many degrees of "sickness" in the world, but there's no excuse for rudeness.
Glad you didn't let an isolated incident keep you from your rightful place in the rooms of AA.
Also, when I deeply resented my husband of 25 years and the woman he left me for, I was told to "pray for them". Believe me, that was the last thing I wanted to do...but, I finally took the advice. Lo and behold, it worked, because the resentment was lifted from me. I try to remember, whenever someone gets under my skin or pushes my buttons...of course, it doesn't just happen among program people, either. You don't have to an alcoholic/addict... there are many degrees of "sickness" in the world, but there's no excuse for rudeness.
Glad you didn't let an isolated incident keep you from your rightful place in the rooms of AA.
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