I'm an experienced Newbie What do you think of this speaking engagement?
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ORLANDO, FL
Posts: 1
I'm an experienced Newbie What do you think of this speaking engagement?
Hi and best wishes,
I've been an alcoholic for more than 25 years. In pursuing what "works" for me, I found that it's nothing specific, but rather a combination. This afternoon, I've been invited to speak with grad students studying addiction prevention at a University. This came totally out of the blue and I'm clueless what to say, but it's been suggested that I just talk about my "recovery". So I'm looking for opinions. Sorry for the long post, but here goes:
Please read this as if I were talking since that is what I’m doing in writing this. Other than to write these italicized sentences and spell check, nothing has been edited. It’s just as if I were talking.
So I'm sitting in a sushi bar with my wife and next thing you know, we're talking with the couple next to us. And as guys tend to do, we ended up talking about what we do for a living. When XXX told me about this program here at XXX, I volunteered the words everybody recognizes "I'm a recovering alcoholic". They aren't necessarily words that I would choose if the world were different, but they are words that everyone recognizes.
The AA model has become a universal platform; hypocritically, ironically, as an icon, everything. I mean look at TV ads for example. Vegas promotes' gambling and what all, by using the AA meeting coined words "what happens here, stays here". Hello!?!
To me, I found the conversation with Tom to be refreshingly candid in that when I told him I had certain issues with AA and why, he seemed to understand perfectly. He asked me what I was doing to recover and I spoke to him about Rational Recovery. That was a couple of weeks ago. But if you asked me last week I might say Smart Recovery. Maybe today I’ll say Holistic Recovery or I read everything that has the word alcohol in it, or I do exercise, or focus on work and goals. Who knows what I’ll be thinking and using as tools to get me through next week.
XXX asked me if I’d be willing to come and speak to you and I said yes. Afterwards, the more I remembered what I had committed to it, the more excited I became about it and at the same time, I’m thinking what in the world am I doing. But after some time passed and I hadn’t heard from Tom yet, I found myself inexplicably calling him. Hmmm….. wonder what’s up with that? So XXX and I talked and here I am.
I asked XXX for advice on what to talk about and he suggested Rational Recovery, but I found myself resisting that…. In retrospect I guess because I didn’t want to be an advocate for any particular “solution”. XXX suggested I consider just talking about my road of “recovery”. Heck, I still don’t know what recovery means. I always wonder if I ever will “recover”.
So since then, in between distracting my “disease” with work and trying not to think about alcohol and whatever, on my continued endeavor to not slide back into the easiest path of avoidance of all things responsible and healthy, I find myself vacillating between what I should say and wondering what the underlying motivation for doing this anyway is. But I do believe that current accepted practices need some additional adjustment, so I guess that’s my motivation for being here.
So, here I am. It’s 1:00 am Wednesday morning and I’m just throwing down what comes to mind.
XXX tells me you’re an inquisitive group and as a result my thinking is to just write down what comes to my heart as if I am unreservedly talking and hopefully there will be time to answer some questions if you have them. This might be a good thing since once I start talking; it’s hard to stop me.
Here are a few of MY thoughts and nothing more than MY opinion and MY conclusions, at least this week;
- Alcoholics are like people. Every SINGLE one is different. My opinion is that the best way to help an alcoholic who doesn’t like being an alcoholic (or any other kind of addict) is to help them find what works for them. Me, I had to get into trouble, spend time on life support, break my back in 13 places, go on binges so I would end up in an ambulance with seizures and much, much, much more including being forced into AA, rehab, etc. before I finally started finding a deep need to motivate myself since none of the mandated or “recommended cures” were working for ME.
- I do believe alcohol is a disease and of course science backs that. BUT, it is, among other contributing factors, a self-acquired and self-taught disease. Yeah, my brain is wired different with more transmitters and receptors than the normal person, but I grew the damn things, even assuming a genetic pre-disposal. (I DO BELIEVE PART OF THE PREVENTION PROCESS SHOULD INCLUDE EDUCATING PARENTS TO LOOK AT THEIR ENTIRE FAMILY HISTORY TO BETTER PREPARE THEM TO HELP THEIR CHILDREN).
- Most alcoholics/addicts that I’ve run into or known seem, at least when sober, to be pretty intelligent. I’m of the opinion that part of the pre-disposal to addiction is some underlying common denominators. Growing up for example, I was discouraged from thinking out of the norm. And once again, I’m supposed to submit, as another example, at least in the legal system, that there is only one “cure”; AA.
Those are just a few thoughts and here are few observations;
- AA is not the only organization to claim the “highest” success rate
- AA’s 12 step program is self serving and “blind” to the needs of the innocent who have already been damaged by the addicted
- Many alcoholics/addicts are rightfully grateful for what AA, Rational Recovery, SMART Recovery have done for THEM.
- Many alcoholics/addicts have substituted their addictions for the emotional addictions of these same organizations and are still dependent addicts. (But hey, if it works……..)
- The more an addict continues to keep their mind busy and the more an addict continues to learn about addiction, the more equipped they are to live with the addiction disease
- Whenever I have relapsed, I’ve never known or been able to explain why. I believe that it’s a crucial step for the addict to fully understand that their brain is wired differently, accept it and not beat themselves’ up, but MOVE ON. A major move forward, I believe, is to somehow get the world to realize that too.
For me personally, my biggest stumbling blocks are numerous. In particular, I’m terribly bored if not downright paralyzed by the mundane. Taxes, organizing, work I have to do that I can’t find excitement and passion about; I procrastinate terribly. Any sustained recovery group becomes static and boring. Major disappointments, disasters and defeats are the quickest trigger I experience for getting alcohol and “escaping”, despite knowing full well it does no good, solves nothing and inevitably I will have to face those issues. Will I ever understand it or be able to explain it to anyone in a way that they can really “get it”?
What are some of the things I try and do?
- I’m very active on the internet with groups because of the diversity available. If something gets static, I just catch up with other groups. Also, someone, somewhere on the net is in a “group” chat room feeling the same as me right then and there. I find that instant gratification more beneficial than waiting for the next “physical meeting”.
- I have a long list of things I want to do that I’ve, thanks to alcohol, always thought about and haven’t done and I look at that list.
- When an urge comes up, I’ve found that a short burst of exercise, or stopping and laying down to do deep breathing or stopping and forcing myself to remember an ABSOLUTE TRUISM about alcohol – “IT ALWAYS GETS WORSE”, helps.
- A counselor once told me “just try and think it through to the last drink”. I try that too.
- I try and force myself to pre-visualize health consequences such as throat cancer, shrinking brain mass and permanent “wet brain”, liver failure and, well, you get the picture. I also try and recall some of the many horror stories that you can go to any AA meeting and hear about or read any recovery book to discover just how far down the bottom can be.
While I could go on for a book or two, I’ll stop here. Assuming we still have time, thoughts, criticism or questions?
I've been an alcoholic for more than 25 years. In pursuing what "works" for me, I found that it's nothing specific, but rather a combination. This afternoon, I've been invited to speak with grad students studying addiction prevention at a University. This came totally out of the blue and I'm clueless what to say, but it's been suggested that I just talk about my "recovery". So I'm looking for opinions. Sorry for the long post, but here goes:
Please read this as if I were talking since that is what I’m doing in writing this. Other than to write these italicized sentences and spell check, nothing has been edited. It’s just as if I were talking.
So I'm sitting in a sushi bar with my wife and next thing you know, we're talking with the couple next to us. And as guys tend to do, we ended up talking about what we do for a living. When XXX told me about this program here at XXX, I volunteered the words everybody recognizes "I'm a recovering alcoholic". They aren't necessarily words that I would choose if the world were different, but they are words that everyone recognizes.
The AA model has become a universal platform; hypocritically, ironically, as an icon, everything. I mean look at TV ads for example. Vegas promotes' gambling and what all, by using the AA meeting coined words "what happens here, stays here". Hello!?!
To me, I found the conversation with Tom to be refreshingly candid in that when I told him I had certain issues with AA and why, he seemed to understand perfectly. He asked me what I was doing to recover and I spoke to him about Rational Recovery. That was a couple of weeks ago. But if you asked me last week I might say Smart Recovery. Maybe today I’ll say Holistic Recovery or I read everything that has the word alcohol in it, or I do exercise, or focus on work and goals. Who knows what I’ll be thinking and using as tools to get me through next week.
XXX asked me if I’d be willing to come and speak to you and I said yes. Afterwards, the more I remembered what I had committed to it, the more excited I became about it and at the same time, I’m thinking what in the world am I doing. But after some time passed and I hadn’t heard from Tom yet, I found myself inexplicably calling him. Hmmm….. wonder what’s up with that? So XXX and I talked and here I am.
I asked XXX for advice on what to talk about and he suggested Rational Recovery, but I found myself resisting that…. In retrospect I guess because I didn’t want to be an advocate for any particular “solution”. XXX suggested I consider just talking about my road of “recovery”. Heck, I still don’t know what recovery means. I always wonder if I ever will “recover”.
So since then, in between distracting my “disease” with work and trying not to think about alcohol and whatever, on my continued endeavor to not slide back into the easiest path of avoidance of all things responsible and healthy, I find myself vacillating between what I should say and wondering what the underlying motivation for doing this anyway is. But I do believe that current accepted practices need some additional adjustment, so I guess that’s my motivation for being here.
So, here I am. It’s 1:00 am Wednesday morning and I’m just throwing down what comes to mind.
XXX tells me you’re an inquisitive group and as a result my thinking is to just write down what comes to my heart as if I am unreservedly talking and hopefully there will be time to answer some questions if you have them. This might be a good thing since once I start talking; it’s hard to stop me.
Here are a few of MY thoughts and nothing more than MY opinion and MY conclusions, at least this week;
- Alcoholics are like people. Every SINGLE one is different. My opinion is that the best way to help an alcoholic who doesn’t like being an alcoholic (or any other kind of addict) is to help them find what works for them. Me, I had to get into trouble, spend time on life support, break my back in 13 places, go on binges so I would end up in an ambulance with seizures and much, much, much more including being forced into AA, rehab, etc. before I finally started finding a deep need to motivate myself since none of the mandated or “recommended cures” were working for ME.
- I do believe alcohol is a disease and of course science backs that. BUT, it is, among other contributing factors, a self-acquired and self-taught disease. Yeah, my brain is wired different with more transmitters and receptors than the normal person, but I grew the damn things, even assuming a genetic pre-disposal. (I DO BELIEVE PART OF THE PREVENTION PROCESS SHOULD INCLUDE EDUCATING PARENTS TO LOOK AT THEIR ENTIRE FAMILY HISTORY TO BETTER PREPARE THEM TO HELP THEIR CHILDREN).
- Most alcoholics/addicts that I’ve run into or known seem, at least when sober, to be pretty intelligent. I’m of the opinion that part of the pre-disposal to addiction is some underlying common denominators. Growing up for example, I was discouraged from thinking out of the norm. And once again, I’m supposed to submit, as another example, at least in the legal system, that there is only one “cure”; AA.
Those are just a few thoughts and here are few observations;
- AA is not the only organization to claim the “highest” success rate
- AA’s 12 step program is self serving and “blind” to the needs of the innocent who have already been damaged by the addicted
- Many alcoholics/addicts are rightfully grateful for what AA, Rational Recovery, SMART Recovery have done for THEM.
- Many alcoholics/addicts have substituted their addictions for the emotional addictions of these same organizations and are still dependent addicts. (But hey, if it works……..)
- The more an addict continues to keep their mind busy and the more an addict continues to learn about addiction, the more equipped they are to live with the addiction disease
- Whenever I have relapsed, I’ve never known or been able to explain why. I believe that it’s a crucial step for the addict to fully understand that their brain is wired differently, accept it and not beat themselves’ up, but MOVE ON. A major move forward, I believe, is to somehow get the world to realize that too.
For me personally, my biggest stumbling blocks are numerous. In particular, I’m terribly bored if not downright paralyzed by the mundane. Taxes, organizing, work I have to do that I can’t find excitement and passion about; I procrastinate terribly. Any sustained recovery group becomes static and boring. Major disappointments, disasters and defeats are the quickest trigger I experience for getting alcohol and “escaping”, despite knowing full well it does no good, solves nothing and inevitably I will have to face those issues. Will I ever understand it or be able to explain it to anyone in a way that they can really “get it”?
What are some of the things I try and do?
- I’m very active on the internet with groups because of the diversity available. If something gets static, I just catch up with other groups. Also, someone, somewhere on the net is in a “group” chat room feeling the same as me right then and there. I find that instant gratification more beneficial than waiting for the next “physical meeting”.
- I have a long list of things I want to do that I’ve, thanks to alcohol, always thought about and haven’t done and I look at that list.
- When an urge comes up, I’ve found that a short burst of exercise, or stopping and laying down to do deep breathing or stopping and forcing myself to remember an ABSOLUTE TRUISM about alcohol – “IT ALWAYS GETS WORSE”, helps.
- A counselor once told me “just try and think it through to the last drink”. I try that too.
- I try and force myself to pre-visualize health consequences such as throat cancer, shrinking brain mass and permanent “wet brain”, liver failure and, well, you get the picture. I also try and recall some of the many horror stories that you can go to any AA meeting and hear about or read any recovery book to discover just how far down the bottom can be.
While I could go on for a book or two, I’ll stop here. Assuming we still have time, thoughts, criticism or questions?
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Hmmmmn...this is your first post at Sober Recovery, and you're
using it to ask our opinions on a "speaking engagement"? Although you're certainly intelligent and prolific, nowhere, if I've read it carefully/correctly, have you mentioned how much continued sobriety you have.
Let me share my own personal experience with you. When I was in very early recovery, one of the Student Counsellors asked me to address a class he was teaching at the college where we both worked. I must admit I was flattered that he approached me; and, since I was so proud of my sobriety and being a member of AA, I was eager to share what little experience, strength, and hope I had at that juncture.
It went very well, I thought; and, I couldn't wait to tell my AA sponsor what a great job I had done. That was about 27 years ago, so I don't remember her exact words, although it probably went something like, "Oh, no! We don't recommend that you do any public speaking until you have at least one year of continued sobriety."
I was crushed, and wondered if I would be "drummed out" of AA for such a blunder. I also had to examine my true motivation for jumping at the chance to stand before that classroom of students...was I perhaps on a bit of an "ego trip"? Although I've shared countless times from the podium at thousands of meetings over the years, I've left the "public speaking" to those far more qualified/experienced than I.
using it to ask our opinions on a "speaking engagement"? Although you're certainly intelligent and prolific, nowhere, if I've read it carefully/correctly, have you mentioned how much continued sobriety you have.
Let me share my own personal experience with you. When I was in very early recovery, one of the Student Counsellors asked me to address a class he was teaching at the college where we both worked. I must admit I was flattered that he approached me; and, since I was so proud of my sobriety and being a member of AA, I was eager to share what little experience, strength, and hope I had at that juncture.
It went very well, I thought; and, I couldn't wait to tell my AA sponsor what a great job I had done. That was about 27 years ago, so I don't remember her exact words, although it probably went something like, "Oh, no! We don't recommend that you do any public speaking until you have at least one year of continued sobriety."
I was crushed, and wondered if I would be "drummed out" of AA for such a blunder. I also had to examine my true motivation for jumping at the chance to stand before that classroom of students...was I perhaps on a bit of an "ego trip"? Although I've shared countless times from the podium at thousands of meetings over the years, I've left the "public speaking" to those far more qualified/experienced than I.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Grand Rapids, MN
Posts: 6
insync1, you are right on the money. grad students imply that they are becoming doctors. doctors need facts. and facts are substantiated by proof. for example- when i use a liquid it will put out this burning piece of paper. what liquid? gasoline? or water? time of sobriety is not as important as for you to realize you have had a problem for 25 years. 25 years of experience with anything is an astounding qualifier in my book. belief is a hardball, but belief inside a fellowship is bronzed hardball. we must have an open mind, an unjudgemental attitude, and our own definition-- of ourselves. thank you for posting, it is what i was looking for at this site. openness and truth.
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