How Do You Deal with Anger/Shame?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Birmingham, UK
Posts: 13
How Do You Deal with Anger/Shame?
I was just wondering if anyone on here has any experience on handling anger and feelings of shame. I've just done a fifth step and felt quite a lot of release and don't have burning resentments but I still experience feelings of shame & rage from childhood stuff I think. I am an alcoholic & have a history of relapse and now think that this stuff has been much more involved than I thought. Any experiences anyone could share???
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hello Adam,
The feelings you speak of are normal emotions. The difference is when you drink, (at least for myself), those feelings are intensified once the partying is over.
Today, I deal with these emotions by feeling them, and not letting myself falll apart. I am on a path to recovery, and you can too. Just do not drink...
Your childhood issues may need to spoken about to someone you trust.
Just thought I may add that the feelings of anger and shame, you could have been covering up these emotions with the use of alcohol... SO, now when your sober, these feelings are all over the place.
The feelings you speak of are normal emotions. The difference is when you drink, (at least for myself), those feelings are intensified once the partying is over.
Today, I deal with these emotions by feeling them, and not letting myself falll apart. I am on a path to recovery, and you can too. Just do not drink...
Your childhood issues may need to spoken about to someone you trust.
Just thought I may add that the feelings of anger and shame, you could have been covering up these emotions with the use of alcohol... SO, now when your sober, these feelings are all over the place.
My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 338
Good questions, Adam. Thanks for posting.
Feelings of shame and, to some extent, rage, can be partially dealt with as you progress through the Steps. You're not done yet! When you clean up your side of the street (Step 9) and you've honestly done all you can to right your wrongs, shame will lessen. As you do Steps 10 through 12 and continue to do them frequently, right living can begin to replace righteous rage. It's a long, slow process... but you've got the rest of your life, one day at a time.
I've been sober over 18 years. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
Feelings of shame and, to some extent, rage, can be partially dealt with as you progress through the Steps. You're not done yet! When you clean up your side of the street (Step 9) and you've honestly done all you can to right your wrongs, shame will lessen. As you do Steps 10 through 12 and continue to do them frequently, right living can begin to replace righteous rage. It's a long, slow process... but you've got the rest of your life, one day at a time.
I've been sober over 18 years. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
You might try looking up the ACOC section, or do reserch on the subject.
A lot of us came from semilar background.
The subject of anger can be confusing if you talk to someone that
dosen't understand. Anger is a secondary emotion of fear.
It is not a burning resentment as you stated.
un-resolved bussiness or anger. You weren't allow to release anger
or express it, or process it.
mmm...if i was abused as a child. I think I'd carried fear somehow.lol
Anger is suttle at times...yes ?
You feel ashame and have 1000 reason not to be good enough..yes?
Guilt and shame is probably the root cause of our problems.
It's about letting go, foregiving
A lot of us came from semilar background.
The subject of anger can be confusing if you talk to someone that
dosen't understand. Anger is a secondary emotion of fear.
It is not a burning resentment as you stated.
un-resolved bussiness or anger. You weren't allow to release anger
or express it, or process it.
mmm...if i was abused as a child. I think I'd carried fear somehow.lol
Anger is suttle at times...yes ?
You feel ashame and have 1000 reason not to be good enough..yes?
Guilt and shame is probably the root cause of our problems.
It's about letting go, foregiving
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upper Kolobia
Posts: 153
It's The Old "Eating an Elephant" Trick . . .
One bite at a time . . . On the anger thing, I heard someone suggest in a meeting to pray for someone I was angry with . . .
That's always been a pretty drastic measure for me, and I only use it as a last resort . . . You might try it, though . . .
Shame involves hopping up on that old arse-thumping machine and giving it a good hard ride . . . I mean, you go for it, okay? Then you can come to a meeting and tell people how good it felt when you finally got off . . .
Shame does infiltrate the very core of our beings when we first sober up, and one trick I remember was someone asking me what I would think of someone who repeatedly persecuted someone who'd done something wrong even though the other had acknowledged the wrong and attempted to make amends . . .
Then they said, "So what do you think of yourself for doing the same thing to you?"
Farking puke, imagine someone saying that to me?
"Slow down and let God catch up with you."
"Easy Does It"
"One Day at a Time"
You might not have seen the first one, but I know the other two are hung on the walls where meetings are held . . .
That's always been a pretty drastic measure for me, and I only use it as a last resort . . . You might try it, though . . .
Shame involves hopping up on that old arse-thumping machine and giving it a good hard ride . . . I mean, you go for it, okay? Then you can come to a meeting and tell people how good it felt when you finally got off . . .
Shame does infiltrate the very core of our beings when we first sober up, and one trick I remember was someone asking me what I would think of someone who repeatedly persecuted someone who'd done something wrong even though the other had acknowledged the wrong and attempted to make amends . . .
Then they said, "So what do you think of yourself for doing the same thing to you?"
Farking puke, imagine someone saying that to me?
"Slow down and let God catch up with you."
"Easy Does It"
"One Day at a Time"
You might not have seen the first one, but I know the other two are hung on the walls where meetings are held . . .
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
My name is Vic and I am an addict. Dang lucky to be here clean today that is for sure. I had a very hard time with shame and anger etc for all the crap that I have done not only to myself but to everyone else. I went to my sponsor one day and was so depressed and he said "Vic, open up you NA Basic Text to the first page." So I opened it up and then he said "what do you see there?" I replied "Nothing" The he said something that really stuck with me. He said, "Right Vic there is nothing there and that is what you know about recovery and that is what God holds against you for all of you mistakes, so who the hell are you not to forgive yourself>""
I think that helps and also another thing that I was told once was go to the mirror and say "I am a child of God in whom he is well pleased." Say that 30 times each morning when you wake up for a month and I will guarantee you that in 30 days your attitude about YOU will be better. I hope this has helped you and remember that you are never alone and be gentle with yourself
With Love and Respect
Vic
I think that helps and also another thing that I was told once was go to the mirror and say "I am a child of God in whom he is well pleased." Say that 30 times each morning when you wake up for a month and I will guarantee you that in 30 days your attitude about YOU will be better. I hope this has helped you and remember that you are never alone and be gentle with yourself
With Love and Respect
Vic
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It's often not a simple thing to let go of the negative emotions. I think for me it's done in stages and done numerous times. I need to feel the emotions and accept them for what they are and then let go. That doesn't mean to forget about it or to diminish its importance, but it means to let go of the negativity so I don't have to struggle with carrying it around for the rest of my life.
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