My weekend
 

Hello everyone.
I want to start out by saying thank you again to everyone for reading and posting. This sight is helping me out more than I ever would have guessed. I am someone who NEVER posts on sights...I am the forever lurker...until now and until this sight. I also was not one that spoke easily at meetings, although when I got sober the first time I regularly attended meetings for 2-3 years. I shook and stuttered when I spoke...it was always very difficult.

Anyway, I want to say that although I had good intentions, I did not attend a meeting this weekend. My significant other was home but was still emmersed in work...and having a serious talk with him just was not happening. I have relayed a little of my story in other posts. I went to rehab about 8 years ago and remained sober 7.5 years. The last 4 were mainly by myself...and I just did not drink. My significant other(he) drank quite a bit the whole time...and I...just did not. And then I did.

The hard part is, when I did drink 8 years ago, he did not know me. I told him a little of the near death hangovers and the blackouts, but he never witnessed it. And when I started drinking again, it never happened. (well, it would have, believe me). I always had it" under control" especially in his eyes. He still drank more than me. So now that I am stopped again....he just does not get the full picture.

Why do I need to have him understand? I am taking care of our children alone Monday-Friday, and when he is here I DO need to go to meetings. I suffer from anxiety issues...and he just feels like my drinking mentality is an overreaction or something.
I am not a victim here. I am a strong person but someone who loves her children more than anything.
I am using this sight so much right now.
I am sorry for rambling here.
My not going to meetings is not a reflection on how much I want to be sober.
Sue

hi sooobeee thanks for posting. dont feel guilty for not making your meetings. the important thing is your sober now. you said you suffer from anxiety issues. i know that all too well. i have social anxiety disorder. makes it so hard to meet new people so i rarely go to meetings. its so hard for me but i do try. i have good days and bad. but with time and my good shrink lol we will kick this. and for you wanting to know why doesnt he understand. i dont know the answer to that and im sorry. i hope someone will help you with that issue. i too am glad i found this place. now im addicted to you guys! but thats far more safe im thinking :) good luck. hope you find what you were looking for, sorry i was no help. but wish the best...jason