aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon And Im an Alcoholic.

By the Grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necessary to take a drink of
alcoholic since 8-11-90.

For that and you I am truely
grateful.

As we often hear where 2 or
more people come together
to share their own experiences,
strengths and hopes with each
other then its considered a
meeting. Right?

Im in a slump right now....which
no one wants to say about them-
selves....but I am.....

So u see, it doesnt matter how
many days soberiety you have,
times in our lives, certain situaitions
can cause us to feel uncomfortable.

And that is where i am at this
moment.

A move here to my home town
leaving my spouse with his new
job and 2 kids in college back in
Houston just because i was sooooo
miserable back there.

I tried to give it a go to the best
of my ability and my mind kept
returning back here to Baton Rouge.

Well with much prayers and tears
I returned with hopes of a new job
working out and sadly it didnt.

With other options in mind, nothing
seems to be clicking right now. So
Im feeling lost, alone, desperate,
disgusted, fearful, and more....

My mind is working over time these
days with so much time on my hands.
Im having thoughts of being a loser,
a failure...why me's, ....yet....sounds
familiar....i feel a pity party coming on.

I dont know where i belong anymore....
what purpose do i have here on Earth.
I thought for certain I knew the answer
to that question, but it seems so un-
clear now.

I guess this is where u throw everything
you have out on the table and what?

Become completely and brutal and honest
with urself and the world.... about what?

I know and u know im an alcoholic and my
life is unmanageable. That i cant do anything
in my life with out help form u and my HP.

And that I truely believe I will be taken care
of no matter what....


At this point, im going stir crazy isolating in
my apt. I just cant sit around all day not
doing anything....and ive often prayed that i
would physically work hard at anything.

Im running out of options of what to look for
in a job.....It seems that i have trouble working
with others.....it was the main reason why
i quit working yrs ago and wanted to drink
instead.....

My bank job would have been ok
if i hadnt been placed with clickish girls....
I tried to fit in but no luck...i felt like an
outcast....(this was just at my own branch.
at another i really wanted to be at i fit in
fine and enjoyed working there.) Sadly u
cant Always get what u want....believe me
i know.


Sounds like im whining....right ...whiner..whiner
then pour me some wine. NOT.... I know
better than that.....

Ok, im thru whining at the moment....Come join
me in a meeting to share whats going on with
u today....Maybe I or someone else maybe
going thru the same thing as you and I and we
could use some of ur own ESH to help them....ME.

Thanks for letting me share.

Brownie

Hi Sharon - I'm a co-dependent and I get butterflys in my stomach when I think of the SR members in trouble coping. That really shows what I am too but I am sincere in hoping you make it "one day at a time" Sharon. I've been out of work (fired) 3 kids no support and as a "lost child" I didn't seem worthy of anyones friendship - You are made in the image of our Creator - Wow - YOU are really something special. Sending Love and Hugs >>>()()()

Rob B

Nothing helps me get out of a funk better than finding a drunk who wants to get sober, it stops the wheels from turning so much inside my head. Understandably you do have life situations that need attending, my experience is that when I committ, God kicks in and takes care of my situations. I imagine that there are suffering alcoholics right there in your community, find them. By helping them, you certainly will help yourself. It is also very good to see you dealing with what must be a stressful situation without turning to alcohol.

GlassPrisoner

I've been following your story Sharon. I'm sorry things aren't working out.

Have you considered, that maybe God just doesn't want you in Baton Rouge ? Perhaps He wants you with your husband back where you came from ? Just a thought.

Things don't always go according to our plans. Pray, listen, and act on whatever God puts in front of you. You'll see it if you've had even a small Spiritual Awakening.

Good Luck and God Bless

aasharon90

Thanks guys...I needed to hear ur words right now.

Im pulling myself together to make a noon meeting
hoping i dont chicken out first....Its so easy to find
something to get involved in and skip what is vital
to my recovery....

Going to meeting has been suggested to me numerous
times....i should know that following those suggestions
could and will save my life....

I do trust in my HP for whatever He has in store for me...
even if it means returning back to Houston.....but i
wonder if all this flip flopping back and forth that my
husband may not want me to return....he is strongly
suggesting that i make it here....I guess after 10 yrs
of hearing me whine , bi*** and complain about living
in Houston and now im back in Baton Rouge....he doesnt
want to hear me say I want to come home....it may
not be that i truely WANT to come home, but I may HAVE
To come home.....


Anyway guys...ur words of wisdom and encouragement
mean alot to me.

Thank you.

BrandiK

Sharron, I don't have much to add to this. I am in my own stuff, finding where I belong. It is not as obvious as you, seeking jobs and debating state to state. For me, I am making decisions (still) based on my spiritual community and my place in it ... and if I want or need a place in it.

What I have come to is this: I don't know. And until I do know, I can't do much about anything. So ... I stay where I am and seek to better myself rather then look at every single detail in the picture. When the time is right, when I know a choice has been made and it is clear to me ... when I understand where I am in the scheme of things (notice where I am, not where I think I should or should not be) then I'll make my steps in that direction.

Maybe BR isn't the place for you, and maybe returning to your former home isn't either. Maybe there are more oppurtunities out there that you and I and all of us have not seen because they were not in our binocular view.

I know it is hard right now. I know you are stuck between places ... and I know that addiction is whispering in your ear, calling out those old thought patterns. You say idle time sends you to thinking to much? I hear ya sister! There myself big time. When I get idle, I get bad. And goodness know I can't keeping moving, I'll drop. So ... I practice letting go. I know you are out there doing that ... but a reminder is never a bad thing. Letting go can take the mind the whole day to do ...

This, where you are, is a bump, a bump and a slump. You have pulled too many of us through to be a failure. Failure means you're drinking ... if your not drinking, your winning. Yes, this is a hard bump, maybe with some road rash tossed in ... but all in all; it is just a bump. You'll have more of these in life, as you have them in the past. Perhaps this is your lesson in learning to move through these bumps?

Sending love and prayers, as always
Brandi
Thank you for checking in.