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Loneliness

Old 03-15-2007, 10:06 PM
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Loneliness

Hi. New here. I am about 2 months into iop, and am finding my toughest hurdle right now is loneliness. About a year ago my wife and kids moved out, and I allowed that to be a catylist to spiral completely out of control. Now that I have returned to work and have my own apartment, I long for the companionship and family I threw away. Any suggestions on how to learn to be more comfortable with myself would be greatly appreciated
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Old 03-15-2007, 10:17 PM
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I have never been married no kids. But I have my grams whom I live with. Also I like be alone. So I really can't give any advice here. But I know others will. i just didnt' want you to think nobody is reading ur post. It is a little late. I know tomorrow you will get some responses.
All I can really say is try to stay busy. Call a friend. A clean friend.
i wish you luck. I am always up late. If you get too lonely. feel free to Pm..Im. Whatever you feel.
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Old 03-15-2007, 10:22 PM
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After my arrest, my kids left and I lived alone for 90 days. It was a loonnggg 90 days.

I found fellowship in the rooms of AA, and after working the steps I am now rather comfortable by myself.

Funny, when I was drinking, it was my sole goal in life to be alone so I could drink.
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Old 03-15-2007, 10:24 PM
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Thanks Chiynita. It is nice to know someone is out there and is willing to take the time to reply
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Old 03-15-2007, 10:44 PM
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same planet...different world
 
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The answer lies in acceptance ... and in the rooms of AA for me.

Also focusing on what we are to become ...
and less on what we HAD become.

There is a way out.
If you went to a meeting, you probably got a calling list of people who, believe it or not - really do want you to call when it gets 'bad'.
Use it.
And - I'm here all night, too (I"m on at work) so feel free to write.

Congratulations on your sober time!

Read the 'excerpts' thread, I think there's something in there that might help. There's a lot of chemisty going off in your body around now, too that contributes to depressive feelings and enhances the feeling of being alone.

The ONLY place ... where I know I am not alone, though, and for the first time in this rather long life has been in the rooms of AA.

Trust God
Clean House
Be of Service

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Old 03-15-2007, 10:50 PM
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feeling lonely was my main struggle in sobriety. i started completely new when i entered AA so i started from ground zero. it took a while but now the network is completely built up. my sponser used to tell me you'll never be lonely if you have God in your life. getting in a routine with meetings and vigorously staying the course for an extended period works wonders. this program has taught me to put one foot in front of the other...even when i didnt want to. my life today is incredible and i give all the glory to God and AA. your doing the right thing.
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Old 03-16-2007, 06:34 AM
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Originally Posted by hopeful13 View Post
Hi. New here. I am about 2 months into iop, and am finding my toughest hurdle right now is loneliness. About a year ago my wife and kids moved out, and I allowed that to be a catylist to spiral completely out of control. Now that I have returned to work and have my own apartment, I long for the companionship and family I threw away. Any suggestions on how to learn to be more comfortable with myself would be greatly appreciated

Something that has helped me overcome loneliness is to distinguish between being alone and being lonely. I'm no fan of being lonely, but I enjoy being alone at times. Being alone, you can hone up on your skills and hobbies (start something that will impress your kids), you have time to expand your education and maybe pursue dreams from which you were distracted while spending a lot of time with others.

You have kids who will always love you. In terms of loneliness, that puts you miles ahead of those who have nobody.

When I drank, I would compromise myself such that I would connect with someone else who was lonely and settle for companionship for the sake of companionship. As a sober person, I would say that it is far lonelier to be with someone who doesn't bring joy and value to your life, than to be alone.

Our culture underrates being alone and seems to pressure us (by virtue of role models, for instance) into taking solitude for loneliness.

I have made some pretty significant life-changes in the past year or so and despite having bouts of loneliness, I feel stronger for it.

Earl
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Old 03-16-2007, 06:51 AM
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Hi hopeful13!!
Welcome to SR!! I'm a housewife, so I'm home all day. This site is a great cure for loneliness! So many fantastic people to talk to that completely understand where I'm at, that I can barely keep up. It's actually addicting for me, this site.
I have been given some awesome advice, friendship and inspiration here, so stick with us!!
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Old 03-16-2007, 06:56 AM
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hello there. dont worry you arnt alone here. my main reason for drinking and druging was because i was lonley also. the days i had my son was great. i had a chance to be with him and it really made me feel better. but the days i didnt have him i would sit there in my house and start thinking negative and i used that as an excuse to use because i wanted to get rid of those feelings. i still live alone but im doing things differnt. like tonight i will be staying at my brothers watching basketball all nite. and the rest of the weekend i will be at my dads with my son and plan to have a fun weekend. if there is family around you hang out with them. aa/na meetings will help to im sure. lotta support there. go for a walk and enjoy the day. i know its hard to find love again. sometimes i feel as if it never happen to me again. but i try and throw those thoughts out and stay possitive. it will happen some day for me and you too. someone said here you cant love someone if you dont love yourself. those were wise words. im starting to love myself again and someday i will be in love again. i have always wanted things to happen right now. but all good things come in time. i hope the best for you. stay possitve and strong. good luck... jason
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Old 03-16-2007, 07:02 AM
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let it grow!
 
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lonliness/isolation is tough - keep busy and keep posting! blessings, k
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Old 03-16-2007, 08:14 AM
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jason... one never has to be alone again... if ones open to the love and support that recovery has to offer...

good wishes to you jason...

xxoo, rz
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Old 03-16-2007, 10:53 AM
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After my husband of 25 years and I split up is when my drinking spiraled out of control and I hit bottom, winding up in a mini detox/rehab situation. With all three of the kids grown and on their own, I really fought the loneliness...especially since the bars had become my place for socialization. (Oddly enough, I could be in a bar full of people, and still feel "alone".)

The rooms of AA were the answer for me...many rooms, many meetings. I finally learned how to be alone and not feel lonely. I remember telling the first gal I sponsored, "You don't ever have to feel lonely again." How true.
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