aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

As some have been following me
with my ups and downs in recovery...
and never a dull moment... lol
Im still here....kickin butt.

Lets see.....in 2 weeks Ive lost a
bank job, failed an interview and
and jobless today....

Well not failed it, just wasnt chosen
for that position.

Ok say it.... FAILED...lol

But you know what....I could be
like this:friday: ....trying to drown
my sorrows and ending up smashed.
Right?

But as u can see I have
enough recovery days stashed in the
A.A. Bank to draw on for days like today.

So now...what else am i to do?

About an hour ago I took a drive to
a hafway house in the town next door
to see where it was located. Earlier
i called and spoke to a lady there
making sure she recieved my resume
and just chat with her for awhile.

From there we set up an interview for
Thursday Morning at 10...

So i drove WAYEEEE out there to find
it....and yes i did find it....but....
Im worried about being on alonely isolated
road by myself.

Should i be picky at this stage of my life...?

You know...if i fail back here in
Baton Rouge and have to return to
Houston...hmmmm...to go back to
the house and neighbors i dont like...

I just dont want to do that.....

Just thinking of returning there depresses
me.....

Ive always dreamed what it would be
like to have my own apt once again...
to go back to work at the bank....
and that part has changed...but feel
grateful to have been given the
opportunity to experience it again...

Im an alcoholic in recovery and thats
all i know....its all i have...

My family is doing well so far except
for my spouse feeling lonely by himself.

Do i want to join him...i would but not
there.

There's got to be something in the
middle either for both of us or something
that will make me happy.

What the you know am I going to do
with my life?

I dont want to admit complete defeat....
because im sober today and im still in
the fight of my life....

Thanks for letting me share.

Debaucher

(((((aasharon90)))))

Golfman

1. Not failure if you keep trying. Only when you give up

2. Help other alcoholics.

3. Picky? Do you have the luxury of being picky?

4. Well, you may have to. God gives you what you need, not necessarily
what you want.

5. You're very lucky. You've worked hard to earn what you have.

6. Hell if I know, sometimes God takes His time giving us the answer. Patience
is a virtue.

7. Sometimes admitting complete defeat is what we have to do in order for
God to work in our lives. Big Book, remember?

When I'm in doubt, I pause...

Sometimes though we don't get a clear answer, then we use the brains that God gave us.

If I'm making a decison out of fear or doubt, it will usually be the wrong decision.

Calm down and keep putting one foot in front of the other. You've talked a few times now about moving back to Houston. As terrible as that may sound, it may be God's answer. You said you'd like you and your husband to get back together. Which do you want more...getting back with your husband, or being where you are now?

Having a middle of the road, good for both sides solution doesn't always come along. To keep what we have, we have to give it away. Try applying that to your current situation.

Love ya,
Ed

gypsytears

Hi Sharon. I suggest hanging loose . That way you're pretty much open to going with the flow. Don't tighten up... you might hurt yourself.

Anna

Sharon, it is not defeat at all.

You followed your dream and moved and took the job in the bank thinking that was where you should be. Things turned out differently, as they often do in life, and now you are moving on. Nor did you fail the interview. A job interview is always a growth experience and an opportunity to learn. It was a good idea to take a look at the location of the halfway house. Taking a job at a place on a lonely road when you're driving there by yourself, maybe at odd hours, is definitely worth considering.

It sounds like you are considering some different ideas now, so keep thinking.

hector

Sharon, my old friend, good to hear from you. I haven't been on here much since October, I'm trying to get a new business going.

So... you moved back to Baton Rouge without your spouse. Now it's not working out, so you're thinking about changing everything again. Am I right so far? Or am I missing something?

What are you going to do with your life? Good question. What has God put in front of you to do? What are you doing with what you have? You wanted to return to working in a bank, having your own apartment... turn back the clock... and you did for a while.

Mid-life crisis? God I hope not. Those can be nasty.

So why are you restless, irritable and discontent? Is it your alcoholic mind saying "If only..."? If only I could get away from that house and those neighbors in Houston, life would be better. If only I could live single in my own apartment, life would be better. If only I could go back to working in a bank, life would be better... Was it? Not for long.

You liked your job in Houston. It was everything else that was bugging you, if I remember right. Can you get a similar job in BR? Why not? You love your husband; if you didn't you would have ended it when you moved. I suggest you find a stable job, at the halfway house (usually a very stressful place to work) or somewhere else, and give yourself another six months. Slow down, settle down, stabilize, catch your breath, relax, enjoy. You were married a long time. It takes awhile to get single.

But that's only a suggestion. Others, including you, know more about your situation and can give better suggestions. Whatever you do or don't do, make sure it's you doing it. Don't do it for someone else. You're the one who has to live with your choices, as you're finding out now.

Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.

aasharon90

Thanks guys...

In my heart and mind this is where id like to stay....
here in Baton Rouge. I swore if i ever made it back
home that i wasnt ever going to leave again.

I can only think and believe that this is where my
HP wants me to be too.....

I care for my spouse....you just dont go thru 24 yrs
with someone and not feel anything....but....going
back to the situation i had back in Houston isnt
going to change...if i return...it will resume just as
it was before i left....

I hated the house we lived in....Reason why....because
that house and the first house we lived in were
not intended to be our home for the rest of our lives

We moved to Houston to extend the education for
our kids with the intent that we would possibly return
back to BR.

Well...my husband loves Houston and has no
intentions of ever wanting to return to BR....

For me...this apt. i just moved into is more
of a home to me than any house ive ever lived in.

Sure i know we finacially suffered over the yrs.
because my disease had me wanting to be a
stay at home mom for 16 yrs. That was the selfish
part of the disease....and because we only had
one income coming in and trying to give the kids
the best eduacation possible...everything else has
suffered for it....

Even our marriage.

The house was horrible and it wasnt mine....I mean
i should be grateful for what we had...and it was
ok...it was fixed up nice...but the love wasnt there
to hold it together....At least not from me because i
was so unhappy there....

Now im here in BR....i love the area i live in...i love
my little apt...i love my space....i love my little world....

The only thing is...i need to be able to support mysef....

We can draw up the divorce papers and i can get what
is due to me....and cut the finacial support from my
spouse.....and it may come to that...i dont know...

At least it would give me some support for awhile...

I dont know....

Hey good news...lol ...if all else fails apply at Walmart...lol

and i did....

I do have grocery store experience......sheesh

Oh well tomorrow is another day...right....

And yes im sober to boot...

aasharon90

Im hanging tight u guys and not given up till the
last resort....

Im pumped now





I have one application in at Walmart

2 applications at one hospital and
1 at the same one I just interviewed at.

And...

1 interview planned for Thursday at the rehab
halfway house.

The End...

Thanks guys for following along with me
and for ur kind support. Love u guys.

PurpleReign

Sounds like a plan Sharon!

My prayers are with you.

Blessings,
PR

aasharon90

The knowledge of my program, the faith of my
religion, the strength from my HP will carry on
in me, with me, for me as i continue on the
path of my recovery.

Im putting on my 12 step recovery armour to
fight the forces of everyday evil. To step up
to the plate and give it my best shot to
live life on lifes terms and stay sober one
more day.

Hep me stay HUMBLE today.

BrandiK

((((((((((((((Sharron)))))))))) You are such an amazing woman, do you know that? I have total faith that you will find yourself where you need to be.

Praying for that to happen sooner rather then later

aasharon90

Thanks Brandi...that means alot to me....

I try to remember if i can at my age...lol
things that were taught to me throughout
the yrs of my recovery that work...

For example: Faith with out works is dead.

I can have faith from my HP everyday but if
i dont practice faith in my life then its worth-
less.....

Now dont get me wrong...im no holy roly or
better than thou by no means... All I am is
an Alcoholic in recovery learning to live life
on lifes terms without drinking one day at a time.

I get off track from time to time and i know it...
and it pisses me off when i know that and yet
i keep doing it....

That only reminds me that the evil forces of nature
are still lurking...still tempting....still screwing up
my life....

However, with all we learn in recovery we can use it
to our advantage...to blow the evils of the world
right out of the water..

I believe my failures of my own doing.....and because i
know that and i also know how to correct it....I am
feeling stronger by the minute to get back up on the
horse and try again.....

Im not gonna give up today.....

Im doing the footwork in hopes the Light from
above will shine down upon me again to give
me hope.

And away I goooooo.

Lost Sailor

Hi Sharon-
You keep using the word "fail"; as is pointed out a lot here, you only fail if you don't try. You did your best, and your HP has other plans for you. Often when I feel like I bombed something, with time better opportunities come along, and I'm relieved it didn't work out the way I wanted it to. That's when your faith is tested and pays off. You just have to hold the course. I'm sort of in the same boat as you, and I'm reminding myself this is temporary, humility is VERY in check, and there are always brighter days ahead because no matter what, I'm sober. As bad as a situation may seem, I'm certainly not going to make it worse by drinking-that's not going to solve anything and will exponentially make it worse. And for what?

It sounds like you have a very good handle on things and are keeping everything in perspective. You're a very strong and smart person!

aasharon90

Thank you so much lost for your words of
encouragement....

All that you said makes sense....

Its nice to know that Im not alone in a similar
situation.

Thanks Lost for being here for me....You are much
appreciated.