How did it get this bad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 35
How did it get this bad
I am an alcoholic that hasnt managed to get it together yet. I know I have to do something about it. But yet the alcohol voice always beats me.
I drink about 10 'standard drinks' a day. (apart from the far too hungover days) Most days I feel okay because Im used to it. I dont really like drinking in the company of others because Im embarrassed. Everyone knows I drink, but noone has any idea how much and how often. Last night my boyfriend came over and he had no idea that I had just finished 2 bottles of wine.
I am so so so ashamed. I hate lying to everyone, yet I cant bear to tell anyone for a few reasons...1) Im embarrassed that I let myself get this bad 2) I dont want to dump it on anyone - its pretty heavy 3) Part of me is scared that if I tell people I wont be able to do it anymore. - hows that for yuck.
I know its me that needs to do this.
Last week I made an appointment at an alcohol councelling place. I will be going in on Thrusday.
I dont really know what Im doing. Im just so disapointed. I have completely changed who I am because of this. I .. I dont know what else to say.
I drink about 10 'standard drinks' a day. (apart from the far too hungover days) Most days I feel okay because Im used to it. I dont really like drinking in the company of others because Im embarrassed. Everyone knows I drink, but noone has any idea how much and how often. Last night my boyfriend came over and he had no idea that I had just finished 2 bottles of wine.
I am so so so ashamed. I hate lying to everyone, yet I cant bear to tell anyone for a few reasons...1) Im embarrassed that I let myself get this bad 2) I dont want to dump it on anyone - its pretty heavy 3) Part of me is scared that if I tell people I wont be able to do it anymore. - hows that for yuck.
I know its me that needs to do this.
Last week I made an appointment at an alcohol councelling place. I will be going in on Thrusday.
I dont really know what Im doing. Im just so disapointed. I have completely changed who I am because of this. I .. I dont know what else to say.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 35
(I am a 27 year old female and have been drinking like this on-and-off for about 5 years - I gave up for 4 months once and felt absolutely fabulous - I know how good it is to give up - just cant seem to)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Drunk City, USA
Posts: 77
Hi,
You sound a lot like me. I can finish 2 bottles of wine by myself as well. For me I know my life is unmanageable and that I cannot drink moderately. Now I have to do what is necessary to quit and not drink ever again -- for each person that is different I think. Today I will not drink and tomorrow is my first AA meeting.
Good luck to you!
You sound a lot like me. I can finish 2 bottles of wine by myself as well. For me I know my life is unmanageable and that I cannot drink moderately. Now I have to do what is necessary to quit and not drink ever again -- for each person that is different I think. Today I will not drink and tomorrow is my first AA meeting.
Good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hi 2much and welcome to SR,
I oftened wondered how I got as sick as I was, when I was drinking. No matter how I tried, I couldn't stop on my own.
You are on the right track in that, you realize you have a drinking problem that affects your life.
Just remember how good you felt when you had the four months of sobriety. You can get there again.
Keep visiting us, keep posting, we are here for you.
I oftened wondered how I got as sick as I was, when I was drinking. No matter how I tried, I couldn't stop on my own.
You are on the right track in that, you realize you have a drinking problem that affects your life.
Just remember how good you felt when you had the four months of sobriety. You can get there again.
Keep visiting us, keep posting, we are here for you.
. You'll find a lot of info and support here. Stick around and you'll start figuring it out.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: north of Boston
Posts: 130
I know what you mean about the embarrassment. I was at a birthday party last night and one of my husband's relatives said, "I understand you are having a drinking problem." All I could think about was how often this was a topic of conversation. Well, I just decided to be honest and I said, "Yes, I am. Do you have a problem with alcohol too?" He said, "Yes, I do." Anyway, it turned out to be a good conversation.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: ENGLAND
Posts: 557
Hello 2 much & welcome,
1, 2, 3 - hows that for yuck. Well just to let you know we have all had those same guilt ridden feelings,
and the only way to free ourselves of that guilt was to dump it all on someone.
Just read around this and the alcoholism board to see us doing it here, it realy does help with recovery.
Just try not to take the first drink and as the fog of alcohol lifts you will find it easier to share what has lead you to where you are now.
Stay strong in the knowledge that recovery is possible.
chris
1, 2, 3 - hows that for yuck. Well just to let you know we have all had those same guilt ridden feelings,
and the only way to free ourselves of that guilt was to dump it all on someone.
Just read around this and the alcoholism board to see us doing it here, it realy does help with recovery.
Just try not to take the first drink and as the fog of alcohol lifts you will find it easier to share what has lead you to where you are now.
Stay strong in the knowledge that recovery is possible.
chris
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
Originally Posted by 2much 
I am an alcoholic that hasnt managed to get it together yet. I know I have to do something about it. But yet the alcohol voice always beats me.
I drink about 10 'standard drinks' a day. (apart from the far too hungover days) Most days I feel okay because Im used to it. I dont really like drinking in the company of others because Im embarrassed. Everyone knows I drink, but noone has any idea how much and how often. Last night my boyfriend came over and he had no idea that I had just finished 2 bottles of wine.
I am so so so ashamed. I hate lying to everyone, yet I cant bear to tell anyone for a few reasons...1) Im embarrassed that I let myself get this bad 2) I dont want to dump it on anyone - its pretty heavy 3) Part of me is scared that if I tell people I wont be able to do it anymore. - hows that for yuck.
I know its me that needs to do this.
Last week I made an appointment at an alcohol councelling place. I will be going in on Thrusday.
I dont really know what Im doing. Im just so disapointed. I have completely changed who I am because of this. I .. I dont know what else to say.
I drink about 10 'standard drinks' a day. (apart from the far too hungover days) Most days I feel okay because Im used to it. I dont really like drinking in the company of others because Im embarrassed. Everyone knows I drink, but noone has any idea how much and how often. Last night my boyfriend came over and he had no idea that I had just finished 2 bottles of wine.
I am so so so ashamed. I hate lying to everyone, yet I cant bear to tell anyone for a few reasons...1) Im embarrassed that I let myself get this bad 2) I dont want to dump it on anyone - its pretty heavy 3) Part of me is scared that if I tell people I wont be able to do it anymore. - hows that for yuck.
I know its me that needs to do this.
Last week I made an appointment at an alcohol councelling place. I will be going in on Thrusday.
I dont really know what Im doing. Im just so disapointed. I have completely changed who I am because of this. I .. I dont know what else to say.
Hey 2, welcome to SR. There are many people here willing to help. There is one fine lady from NZ that I know would love to help. Her user name is Pilgrim. You can find her name either in the section where they list those of us online, or you can scroll down almost to the bottom and see her user name in the list of people who've been on the last 48 hours.
Either way, she'll be an inspiration to you and will hold your hand. We will love you here until you can love yourself again. By the way, you made the right decison to seek help. You're on your way to a new life, full of peace, happiness, serenity, and freedom.
Hugs to you,
Ed
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
welcome, 2much......i agree with my friends here, you should tell someone....i know it's scary.....but you know you have a problem and have admitted it to yourself, and that takes a lot of courage....not to mention telling total strangers......i remember how terrified i was when i first came here and admitted i was addicted to pills .........it was one of the scariest things i have ever done....but i did it and thanks to this place, i found the courage to tell my friends and family....and they were so much more supportive than i imagined they would be......
i also understand the feeling that if you tell someone you won't be able to do this anymore.......i'm sure many people here do.....what you need to decide is, do you want to do this any more? it sounds to me like you don't....and there is nothing like ratting yourself out to someone who cares about you to help you hold yourself accountable........
good luck, and i'm glad you are here.....you are in the right place.....
hugs
ayla
i also understand the feeling that if you tell someone you won't be able to do this anymore.......i'm sure many people here do.....what you need to decide is, do you want to do this any more? it sounds to me like you don't....and there is nothing like ratting yourself out to someone who cares about you to help you hold yourself accountable........
good luck, and i'm glad you are here.....you are in the right place.....
hugs
ayla
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by Golfman
We will love you here until you can love yourself again. By the way, you made the right decison to seek help. You're on your way to a new life, full of peace, happiness, serenity, and freedom.
Hugs to you,
Ed
Hugs to you,
Ed
Thank you all for your comments and support.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 9
2much,
You sound so much like myself. I am entering detox tomorrow and hopefully on my road to recovery. I found this site last night and it's already proven invaluable.
I was terrified to tell my family and friends, but you know what? They already knew. I felt liberated the first time I told my husband about my problem, even though I did it while drunk and barely remember the conversation. Having the "cat out of the bag", so to speak, felt great. It didn't stop me from continuing to drink, but now I know support (both in "real" and e-form) is CRITICAL.
GOOD LUCK! I'll be gone for a few days, but I'll be checking on your appointment when I return!
Jess
You sound so much like myself. I am entering detox tomorrow and hopefully on my road to recovery. I found this site last night and it's already proven invaluable.
I was terrified to tell my family and friends, but you know what? They already knew. I felt liberated the first time I told my husband about my problem, even though I did it while drunk and barely remember the conversation. Having the "cat out of the bag", so to speak, felt great. It didn't stop me from continuing to drink, but now I know support (both in "real" and e-form) is CRITICAL.
GOOD LUCK! I'll be gone for a few days, but I'll be checking on your appointment when I return!
Jess
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi 2much,
Welcome to the best site on the net if you want to stop drinking.
We have already been introduced by Ed.
Unlike Ed, I do not have years of experience in this. I have been sober only for 20 days so I am a novice. Ed and everyone here have been wonderful and have helped me through some pretty tough times. They make it easier for me and I know they can help you too.
I agree with everyone here. You have taken a huge first step just in writing to us.
Take our hand, read a lot, and take a plunge. That fear of not having alcohol in your life is just the alcohol talking. Some people here call it the rat voice. We go rat hunting for you!!
Love and hugs
Welcome to the best site on the net if you want to stop drinking.
We have already been introduced by Ed.
Unlike Ed, I do not have years of experience in this. I have been sober only for 20 days so I am a novice. Ed and everyone here have been wonderful and have helped me through some pretty tough times. They make it easier for me and I know they can help you too.
I agree with everyone here. You have taken a huge first step just in writing to us.
Take our hand, read a lot, and take a plunge. That fear of not having alcohol in your life is just the alcohol talking. Some people here call it the rat voice. We go rat hunting for you!!
Love and hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 35
Stayed sober last night. I have a big flu so that made it easier - not that that usually would have stopped me. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldnt stop thinking about alcohol because I was having trouble sleeping.
Every time I even think about alcohol I can feel it. Its so troublesome.
I am still definately going to my councelling session on Thursday - only 2 more sleeps now. 2 more days. I can.
Hi pilgram, Im from Hamilton - you?
Every time I even think about alcohol I can feel it. Its so troublesome.
I am still definately going to my councelling session on Thursday - only 2 more sleeps now. 2 more days. I can.
Hi pilgram, Im from Hamilton - you?
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