jules1973

((AYLA)) A "poser"......I could think of a million other things I would want to be in this life.....but an addict did not make the list...that one just snuck up by itself. If I were going to pose as anything I would join a forum for sex addicts or something...at least make it interesting

TamTam

Hi, everyone!

((((c'est)))) We love you and are here for you no matter what. Remember that. You have to listen and do what you think is best for you.

((((Ruby))))- that is a tough one- and I'm not going to be any help because I'm afraid I might be losing a really good friend, too. That hurts so much. I think she will come around. Seeing you and the changes in you probably scares the crap out of her. You have changed the rules to your relationship, and that is uncomfortable to her. She is probably trying to digest it all- hmmmm, if she has a problem then maybe so do I...

You have to keep your head on straight and keep doing what is good for you. Be ready to help her when she needs you- because it sounds like she will. Don't let it interfere with your well being, ok. Before long she is going to want some of what you have!

Gotta get ready to go- i'll check in with you all later-

Anyone have serious storm damage? We were just below the bad storm line- had tornado warning until 11:45p...

xoxo T

TamTam

How are you feeling, Jules. You sound pretty darn good!!

RubyT

Glad you're safe, Tam!

Seeing all the destruction in Alabama at the high school and now listening to details of the bus crash in Atlanta...Moms, Dads, Gramps...when you hug those kiddos today, make it last a little longer. Life is so short and so very precious!!

Smyle

i just finished loving up lucas....

igfan

(((C'est))) Only you can say whether you're an alcoholic or not....but i have to agree with what someone else said....normies don't even question whether they have a drinking problem. They don't wake up everyday and have to say "i'm not going to drink today". That being said....don't feel like you need to leave us...we still love you, respect your thoughts and opinions and none of us would even be here today if it were not for you.

(((Ruby))) I can totally relate with your friend.....i'm the one that people in recovery had to cut out of their life, it was too dangerous for them t...o be around me. I would unconciously try to sabotage their recovery, i wanted someone to drink with, somebody who drank like me, somebody WORSE than me (in my opinion), and i would call these people when i was *********, i think hoping that they would tell me what i already knew, and offer to help me...even though i know that if they had offered me help, i would have been resentful. So i guess my advice would be....maybe write your friend a letter telling her how you feel, how you can't be around her right now if she's going to be drinking or talking about drinking. Just tell her the truth......how if when she's ready you'll be there to help her. There's a line in an Indigo Girls song (i know, shocker!!!) that when i heard it i just went "A-ha"....it goes "i don't want what's best for you....where will i be when you find it".....i realized that i was fearful of people around me getting better and leaving me. What's ironic is the people who couldn't be around me are the ones i went to for help and have been there for me since. I'm rambling now, but i hope something i said helps or rings true for you.

ayla zaire

i know, stupid, right?.....i had irritated this person.......we were having a 'debate' and they went back and read my posts.......said i wanted attention....hehe....i'm such an attention seeker, drama queen.....blah blah blah.........

i'm having a little anxiety today......i think i drank too much coffee, not enough sleep whatever......well, miss lou lou has not stopped talking ALL DAY....i was on the phone with michelle and she was laughing at me because i said...'lou lou please stop talking' she was following me around....jabbering.....and she says.....'ok, mom....i'll stop talking...(2 seconds of quiet)....see mom.....i stopped talking.....i'm not talking anymore.....i'm very good at not talking....(sing-song) iii'''mmmm nnnooootttt tttaaallllkkkkiiiinnngggg......i won't talk anymore, i'll be quiet, because i don't HAVE to talk.....i can be quiet for a long time...(sing-song....in her loud, 'american idol' voice..) I CAN BE QUIET!!!! I DON'T HAVE TO TALK!!! I'M NOT TALKING FOR MY MOOOMMMMIIIIIEEEE!!!!!!!) i like to not talking....i'm very good at being quiet.....mommy, do you like it when i'm quiet? can i talk yet? i won't talk until you say i can talk.....can i talk yet? is it ok if i talk now? now? now? now? i really want to talk now...i'm tired of not talking.....BIG SIGH......"

Astro

C'est, you belong here just as much as the rest of us do. Besides, isn't it fun being part of a huge recovery community?:-)

scootinbabe

hi! still sick here but feeling a little stronger thought i'd add my piece to the thread---

**{c'est}}} you know i love you and your wisdom and i am forever grateful that you started this thread. we started this journey about the same time and even if our paths are different, we will always be cowgirls! YOU know what is right for you. and what anyone else thinks is none of your business (love that!) i--among many--would miss you on this thread if you chose not to continue here, but i think that you are a valued and vital part of our community and encourage you to stay. it took a lot of courage to post what you did and i admire your honesty.

scootinbabe

**{ruby}} you got good advice above. it's got to be hard and you certainly can explain yourself to your friend (tell her you love her and miss her but that you can't drink with her), but please keep yourself safe. no one can predict the future, but if you protect yourself and stay honest with her, you have done your part and can be strong in that. you may be surprised at the outcome, who knows? be strong. be pure. be true. you are a good friend.

scootinbabe

so glad that everyone is safe---that storm sounds amazing. **{tam}}

jules--you have been amazing, yourself! so glad you're here and feeling better!

ayla--i love you talking...or typing!

brandi--thanks for sharing your story--i don't think i heard all of it before. i think it's powerful.

**{beezy}}so sorry about another loss in your family. you do sound stronger now but know that i'll keep holding you up in thought and prayer just in case.

and nyc, ig, pookie, curly, and everyone else here--thanks for being on this journey with me. so glad to have this place to come to and these friends to share with. back to bed...

pookielolo

Ruby- I agree with what IG said, be honest, I avoided my friend and found out later that she had cancer, so I would continue to try and talk to her, and be her friend, but just continue to let her know you do not want to drink with her, but via phone you can still talk

brynn38

Hello Everyone...

C'est...after reading your post, I felt like I completely understand and then, I realized that I've never walked in your shoes...so the "completely" really couldn't apply. But, with pain pills being my d.o.c., and then after so long...well, I drank alot before, but could always stop at anytime(drinking), and deep down I knew that I was not an alcoholic. I never talked about this to anyone for fear of sounding like I knew more than the counselors or other people that thought I was just in denial. I drank for years and sometimes it would be weekends only, sometimes more, and then sometimes i would go for months...never bothered me. My dad was the same way when I was a small child. As I was growing up, I heard so many times that he was an alcoholic, yet I barely remember him drinking..he did most of it before I was born and then for a few years after. Off and on throughout my adult life I've seen him drink a few times and then just stop for years...It seems so hard to say that "I'm not an alcoholic" when so many of my problems resulted from being intoxicated. But, when I discovered the pain pills, I had probably not drank in a couple of years and never gave it a second thought...it was when my systen became immune to the pills and I discovered that mixing them with alcohol had an even better effect.....that's when my drinking really kicked in....bad. But, I couldn't drink without the pills...hated it. I had myself convinced that I was an alcoholic for a long time. I've tried drinking since stopping the pills and even have gotten a "buzz" a few times, but I just don't have the desire for it anymore. But, I know that if I were in a situation where everyone else was drinking and i wanted to have a drink or two...then i could...and I could control it. not everybody will agree with this I'm sure and I hope it doesn't sound like I'm being too sure of myself...it's just like someone said...only you know yourself that well. I haven't had a drink in months and don't really have any plans to..but that's just me. I know this is not true about the pills. if I were not on the methadone...I can say that I would be fine as far as the pills go because I feel as if I've had much time to step back and do some real soul searching and truly understand why I fell in love with the pills in the first place. I am an addict. and when I am off the methadone, I feel like I will have a very long journey finding out if I can truly stay clean. My brain tells me that if I ever take that first pill (after the methadone), and I have that first feeling of "euphoria", that I'll be right back to square one...then worse. And my addiction tells me that after learning all that I have learned about the pills and realizing what they done to me and my life...that I could just take a few here and there and it would be okay. That part is what scares me the most. My history tells me that one is too many for me. And maybe I'm just lucky that I only really enjoy alcohol with the pills??? It is confusing because before the pills...I really enjoyed drinking beer. Plain ole Budweiser..not bud light, just Budweiser..and I could outdrink just about anyone I met..sad that I thought that was something to be proud of! Then I switched to wine...the buzz hit me faster and I didn't gain as much weight. I really don't know where I'm going with this...when I started typing it..it made alot of sense and I felt like I had something really good to say...but now it just seems like a bunch of useless rambling. I wish I could express my feelings as well as all of you do. Sometimes I feel like i do okay...but not today(round and round). i guess I'm just trying to say that I do understand what you are saying to an extent...and you know you better than anyone...I wasn't around when you started this thread but, I am so grateful that you did...it is amazing to see the results. You are an amazing person and whether you have a battle going on in your mind over this or not....you certainly still have as much of my respect, if not more for sharing this, and I'm sure that every one of the other mommies agree. Please don't go anywhere...we all need each other and that includes you. You are an inspiration. And if there are any questions in your mind, I suspect that you will ultimately make the right choices....it's so obvious that you are a very intelligent person.

Tam, i've been watching that show.."Smarter than a fifth grader"...and I'm right there with you...I am ashamed to admit that i really don't know most of the answers...but i think they have picked some exceptionally intelligent fifth graders and the questions they ask ar mostly things that we wouldn't remember. It reminds me of a contest that we had when I was in sixth grade. it was the sixth graders against the first graders...to see who could "print their abc's the neatest...and of course the 1st graders won because they practiced this all day every day...it's still a fun show to watch though..even if I am watching it while feeling pretty rough! Man, there's alot going on down there in Georgia...the bus wreck, the tornados, teen bank robbers,....I've been reading the news this morning and it seems like lots of bad things are happening there...I always think of you and wonder how far away you live from all this stuff...so sad.

Brandi...glad to hear that school is getting better...i told you so! nana nana boo boo! lol. hope it continues to get better and better. Thank you for saying that I am amazing...sure wish i could feel it! But, for today...I'm gonna take your word for it and maybe I'll feel more like getting out and doing something productive! I think YOU are the amazing one...really!

And Jane...you said I'm priceless? what have I done to deserve these compliments???? Don't get me wrong...I love it and it makes me feel great(so hard to admit)...but again, I wish I felt it. I guess I see so much beauty and awe in each of you...not to mention your talents and your careers and the ones of you that stay at home with little ones.....I just feel so lucky that you all make me feel like I'm a part of this "family" that it feels like we have became...now, that is priceless!
Oh yea, love the names...and since I love Snoopy and the gang so much,, i especially like "linus"...and I think it's funny that there's a "lucy" on there too! i know I talked a long time ago about my dog, Snoopy, that I grew up with. I thought about naming one of them "Snoopy" in his honor. and I made a mistake...one of them is a girl....so, so far I've got a 'little Ricky", a "Linus", and maybe "Snoopy"...what are the other girls on that cartoon.....peppermint patty...lucy....., can't remember the others...I always paid so much attention to Snoopy...he was so cute! And I thought about "tim"...didn't you mention that one?...made me think of the song I sang to lucy when I didn't even know she was pregnant...she named him tiny tim....I dunno...it's fun to just ramble on and on about such trivial things sometimes..it seems to take my mind off worries....

pookie, about the Nyquil...I worry that I'm gonna get hooked in it!! i need to NOT depend on something...but it does seem to help some..guess it could be worse. amd oh yeah, I'm always raving about Benadryl.....well, I found out something at the dentist the other day that makes me think twice...atleast about how much I used to take. i was telling the dentist about how I've always taken good care of my teeth and couldn't understand why I've been having problems with the two in the back all of a sudden and asked his opinion about whether the methadone would have anything to do with it...he said he though it did but not the way i thought, he said that since it tends to make your mouth dry like benadryl and other antihistamines, and lessens the amount of saliva...which we all know how important it is...well, I don't think i'm gonna be taking as much benadryl as i did before. For about a year, I took it every night almost! So with the combination of the two...heck it's a wonder I have any teeth! I know it's common sense...just never thought of it like that.

Oh my...I have been "talking" way too much again and have a ton of suff to do..tomorrow is Saturday...gotta get busy...I love you all and hope that everybody has a wonderful day....what's left of it...I didn't realize it's already afternoon and here i sit....

xoxoxoxo

RubyT

This isn't the first time she's encouraged me to drink with her, just the first time she's re-acted this way. But I know deep down, should a crisis arise, she'll be the first one walking through my door...

Hubby is coming home early. Think we'll do a late lunch and have some fun...if we don't get blown away. Very windy here today. Auntie Em, I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore....

Speaking of the hub, he's going to a bball game tonight with the guys, so I'll be home alone. If anyone's up for a party, let me know!

RubyT

Brynn, I was thinking Lucy came from I Love Lucy...forgot about Snoopy and the Peanuts gang. So I guess my suggestion for the girl...Ethel, won't fly!

janeeyre

Hi all!

This is going to be short--I have loads of errands to run before my youngest son's school program today. (He's SO CUTE in his little costume--He's supposed to be an early Colorado settler/homesteader, so he has this enormous hat, dark pants, suspenders and white shirt--he looks like a little Amish guy! I could just eat him right up! )

ANYWAY.....

(((C'est))) You are great.

Brynn--you ARE priceless. So there. (lol) No denying it. Your posts always make sense to me--hit me where I'm at or something.... Girl "Peanuts" names: Marcie, "Little Red-haired Girl", Sally....?)

Have to share this good thing with you all: Last night I was helping daughter with her homework--you know the tantrums we've had over this, the way we get on each others' nerves and argue lately--it's NOT been a fun phase. Well, last night we had A BLAST! It was SO FUN. I can't even believe I'm saying this, but we laughed and enjoyed a bunch of really difficult homework! No drama (although she was working on Shakespeare...), no arguing, just a really nice time. I am so thankful. I love my family. I love it when things go well.

Gotta go--

All of you are treasures.

xo
jane

janeeyre

Ruby, I love the name "Ethel". Too cute.

Smyle

okay ...I need to get off my tush and get all this stuff done...

since I am gonna be gone a few days I need to pack and pick up...blah..blah...blah..

but all I wanna do is kick it....

I have cleaned up alot...just need to stop fussing about it I suppose and do it...

Kids are at school and I need to get it done while I can....

just kinda lonely and wanted to check on everyone....

my mom sent me a really sweet e-mail today...I kept reading it over and over...I will not let my gaurd down...but it was sweet and felt good...

this kitten is WILD...he gets snipped next week...I just hope the little stinker calms down. He is into everything....but sweet too....

okay..off to pick up luke's rooma and pack his stuff...

~B

Smyle

taking a break....but need to get back to it....my best friend just called and got me off track....

pookielolo

Hey Beezy--- have a safe trip!! prayers to you and your family