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I went to my 8:00 meeting tonight and I got my sponser!!! YAY! Guess who it is? My next door friend!! :) She was at the meeting tonight, I was so thrilled!!

We are going to go to the womans meeting in another town tomorrow night. I'm picking her up at 5. Then to grab dinner after.

I came home and told my husband about everything, her being my sponser and that I'm going to the meeting tomorrow night. I seen disappointment in his eyes big time. Sooooo, I'm going to be looking for afternoon or morning meetings I guess. I'm not a morning person, never have been, but I suppose I can learn. He wants me to get well, but he also wants to spend time with me. I guess I've been so wrapped up in getting sober that I haven't thought about his feelings much. He didnt come out and SAY that, but I can read him like a book! I love my Wednesday night meeting (tonights) so I'm going to that 1 every week. I can skip Monday nights and find a different one during the day in another city.

Here's the thing too. I know I can't go to 90 in 90, that would be way to much driving and I would be gone a lot. I want to be here to take care of my home and cook nice meals for him. Just keep up on stuff here, ya know? I think if I go to 3 a week for now, that might be good? I need some input guys!! Carol? Ed? Chris? Tom?.......anyone......you think 3 is enough? And start working the 12 with my sponser?

No one can say how many meetings are right for you other than you. You'll know if 3 feels right. If you feel edgy or cranky then you probably need more meetings. Right now 3 is better than 0.

It's great that you are excited. Try not to let your hub's feelings bring you down. It's your health and sanity that's more important than his snuggly time. I don't mean to sound uncaring by saying that, but it's true. Perhaps you can have a comfortable talk with him about your needs and wishes with regards to sobriety and AA and let him know that you DO care about his feelings, but it can't come in first place before sobriety. It took my husband a lot of months before I felt like he really outwardly supported my efforts, but it happened.

It sounds like you're already making good plans for working the meetings into your week. Keep it up.

Yup.

Focus on sobriety, everything else will fall into place.

I'm two years sober and still try to make a meeting every day, sometimes two or three a day, but I'm at that time of year again when my kids are playing sports and I miss meetings so I can watch their games. I start to get a little twitchy after 3 days of no meetings!

You'll decide what works for you, and you'll know if it's not working. Like c'est said, cranky or edgy is a good indicator that you need a meeting.

Scott

Very true...the 90 in 90 is just a suggestion...not written in stone. When I was newly sober, I made many more than the 90; but, I had the time, and needed to fill it with meetings as often as possible.

When I tried to make a lunchtime meeting and couldn't quite get there on time, an oldtimer told me, "Half a meeting is better than none."

It is said that "this is a selfish program", meaning sobriety has to come first, because without it everything else will be meaningless (or lost). You'll find a balance that will work for both you and your husband.

Hi tj, im so glad that you've got yourself a sponsor, now you can realy push things forward and your wed meeting sounds like it's going to become your home group,if you love it like you say then you must feel comfortable when there and thats what matters.To feel that you can share exactly whats on your mind is the most important thing as you grow inside your new AA family.tj i'm so happy for you the way you've grown here on SR and grown in sobriety I know that your going to do the same in AA.
tj it must be so hard for our partners at first,they see that were not drinking anymore and they must think that we are cured.They must think that now things are returning to what they see as normal then we need no further help.
And tj we can't blame them for thinking that way,thankfuly they have no knowledge of alcoholism and can't understand that to stay in recovery we will have to work hard at it and once we have found which programe fits our needs we have to commit to it totaly to sucseed.All we can do is to reasure them that as we progress hopefully we will be able to ease off the meetings
and then have more time with them but for now it's meetings first.
Hey tj he may have rolled his eyes at the prospect of losing you to another meeting tonight,but I bet he's glad that you're doing what your doing instead of what you used to do.
tj you seem to have worked some daytime meetings into your routine, so he knows that your taking note of his feelings rather than just steam rollering over them and tj like I said in one of my early posts to you,he's seeing the old you re-emerging the you he knew before your addiction.
Just go to as many meets as you feel right with, the 90 in 90 is only a guide
it's not a hard and fast rule.As long as you go you will be with the winners!

Stay strong and true to yourself tj.

chris.

I'm glad that you got a sponsor! That is such a huge thing and when you start working the steps, so much growth will take place. It is exciting!

It is fantastic watching your progress.

Remember take care of you during this time. This is your time to rebuild yourself. The focus should be on you right now doing what you need to do to get well.

I'm here pulling for you always my friend!

Cheryl

TJ, great news!

It's my experience sobriety must come first. Period. Without it, there may be no family, home, husband, etc.

There is a real learning curve for everyone along the way.

Sometimes we don't get the support we feel we should.

Perhaps it's safe to say, he would rather see you sober, growing, becoming happy & usefully whole.

If he's not an alcoholic, he probably won't ever really get it.

He may feel, "Why not just quit and move along!"

Well, it doesn't work that way.

I was asked in the beginning by my sponsor to commit to 4-5 meetings per week, and asked to go until I wanted to go. Soon I was going daily, some days more.

And, there is Ala-non for him if he's not an alcoholic, it's an AMAZING program!

What does your sponsor think?

TJ,

Now that you have a sponsor, talk this over with her. I do agree with what's been said. Each of us has to decide for ourselves how many meetings is enough. I did hear something a long time ago which made sense though, "I would like to go to ?# of meetings per week. The problem is, I don't know which ones I need."

The 90 in 90 is just a suggestion, not a rule. It happens to be an excellant suggestion, but again, the AA police have no jail to put you in. You will develope a trust with your sponsor. She will help you determine what's best.

Regarding you husband, I agree that without your sobriety, your relationship with him will be nothing. I can only tell you my own experience. When I got sober, I was so excited about the fellowship I found, that I spent almost every waking minute talking about or going to AA meetings. What I failed to recognize is that my wife had spent the last 18 years suffering from my alcoholism. I remember her telling me more than once, "I lost you to alcohol for so long and now I've lost you to AA." She was so right. One of the things I had to do was to find a balance between serving my needs and serving hers. Again, these are just my thoughts. I don't want to impose them on anyone else. I also remember someone saying "be kind to yourself, but be kinder to others."

As Dennis Miller used to say, "That's just my opinion, I could be wrong." Follow your heart TJ. That's where God lives. He will show you the best course of action to take.

xxoo,
Ed

Thank you everyone!!
"balance" is a pretty important thing with this. I will talk to my sponsor tonight all about this and then talk to Kelly when I get home.
Thanks again for all of the good advice guys!! Hugs!